Friends S03E03 1d
I'm making jam! - I've been at it since 4 a.m. - Where'd you get fruit at 4 a.m.? Went down to the docks. Betcha didn't know you can get it wholesale. I didn't know there were docks. - Hey. - Hey. Is it broken? No, but I gotta wear this for a couple weeks. Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed? No. I had a whole story worked out, but then... ...Chandler sold me out. I'm sorry, Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy... ...that it just fell out of the socket. What is this? Fruit? Monica's making jam. Oh, jam? I love jam! Hey, how come we never have jam at our place? Because the kids need new shoes. I'm going into business. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan. A plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam! Oh, Joey, don't! It's way too hot! This'll just be my batch. That's it. No. Hey, you, J. Crew guy... Why have you been following me? All week long, everywhere I look, there's you. You wouldn't return my calls. - You sent back my letters. - What? One more chance, Ursula. Please. Oh, well, this is awkward. Yeah, because you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters. Seriously. That's great. I'm stalking the wrong woman. I am such a dingus! Oh, you're not a dingus. I just want you to know I didn't used to be like this. Before I met your sister, I was like this normal guy... ...who sold beepers and cellular phones. I mean, look, it's not your fault, you know. I mean, this is just what she does to guys, okay? So just... Well, thanks. Wait. You know what? I got a little story. When I was in junior high, I went through a period where I thought I was a witch. And there was this guidance counselor who... ...said something that I think will help you a lot. He said, "Okay, you're not a witch. You're just an average student." - See what I'm saying? - Not really. Well, get over it. So... I mean, you just, you seem like a really nice guy. You know, and just... Don't be so hard on yourself, okay? You're right. I know you're right. And thanks for being so nice. Here. Thanks a lot. Do you want to get a cup of coffee? - Yeah, okay. - Okay. You don't have to walk behind me anymore. - Mon? - Mon? "Gone for more jars. Back later. Monica Geller." - Wait a minute. Look! - What? - Look. Look. Look. - What? What? What? It's an empty apartment. We're all alone in an empty apartment. Oh, honey, come on. I have to be at work in, like, ten minutes. All right. Well, it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything. There it is! Oh, that's what you're talking about. - Hey. - Hey. Do I look fat? - No. - No. Okay. I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean... ...that I was calling her a cow. Okay. Walk us through it, honey. Walk us through it. Okay, well, Janice said, "Hi. Do I look fat today?" And I looked at her... Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. You looked at her? You never look. You just answer. It's like a reflex. "Do I look fat?" "No." "Is she prettier than I am?" "No." - Does size matter? - No! And it works both ways. Okay, so you both just know this stuff? You know, after about 30 or 40 fights, you kind of catch on. Okay. For instance: Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options. Option number one: She'll take a cab home from the airport. Or option two: You can meet her at baggage claim. What do you do? - That's easy. Baggage claim. - Wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three. You meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her. Okay, this is good. All right, listen. I have one. Janice likes to cuddle... ...at night, which I'm all for. But when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So how do I tell her that without... ...you know, accidentally calling her fat or something? Oh, honey. I'm sorry. We can't help you there, because we're cuddly sleepers. Okay. I'm late for work. All right. Are you guys going to come down? - Yeah. I'm right behind you. - Okay. Good luck, Chandler. - Thank you. - Bye, sweetie. Bye, honey. Okay, the sleeping thing. Very tricky business, but there is something you can do. - I thought you were "cuddly sleepers." - No. No. Not cuddly. Not me. Just her. I'm like you. I need the room. Okay, come here. - Okay. You're in bed. - Yeah. - I'm gonna use the cushion. - Yeah. Okay. You're in bed. She's over on your side, cuddling. Now, you wait for her to drift off... ...and then you hug her... ...and roll her over to her side of the bed. And then you... ...roll away. Hug for her. Roll for you. Okay. The old "hug and roll." - Okay. One question. - Shoot. You're pretending the pillow's a girl, right? Remember when you were a kid and your mom would drop you off at the movies... ...with a jar of jam and a little spoon? You're so pretty.
