AEE Episode 1353: Why Americans Always Voice Their Differences and How to Do It
Announcer: This is an All Ears English podcast Episode 1353: “Why Americans Always Voice Their Differences and How to Do It in English.” [Instrumental] Announcer: Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, downloaded more than 130 million times. We believe in Connection NOT Perfection™, with your American hosts Lindsay McMahon, the "English Adventurer," and Michelle Kaplan, the "New York Radio Girl," coming to you from Los Angeles and New York City, U.S.A. [Instrumental] Announcer: And to get weekly transcripts delivered to your email inbox, go to AllEarsEnglish.com/subscribe. [Instrumental] Announcer: Today we answer a question from our Instagram channel, how can you draw attention to differences between you and someone else without sounding judgmental? Find out today. [Instrumental]
Announcer: This episode was recorded a few weeks in advance. Our understanding of the COVID-19 situation has changed since then. We hope you are healthy and safe. And we hope that All Ears English can be a bright spot in your day during this moment of uncertainty. [Instrumental] Lindsay: Hey (hi) Jessica, how's everything going today? I mean... Jessica: Well, yeah (yes), tricky. Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Jessica: I'm going to say tricky, a little bit uncertain. Lindsay: Uncertain. Jessica: We could say. Yeah (yes). So, as of this recording, right, I'm in Portland, Oregon, all the schools are closed, the libraries are closed, a lot of public places like museums, the zoo, like, yeah (yes). Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Jessica: Everything's just kind of shut down right now. Lindsay: I know. I mean, guys, we are recording a solid six weeks before this comes out, so, things may be in a different place by the time it comes out, but right now there is a lot of uncertainty. Right? We just don't know what's going to happen with this whole coronavirus going on, but I mean, that's why we like to come on the mic (microphone). We're always showing up for you guys, Monday through Thursday, on this podcast, and that won't change. You can count on All Ears English being there for you. Okay?
Jessica: Ohh yes, and I mean, like Lindsay said, we're recording this in advance, but who knows, maybe you guys are still kind of staying at home, we have so many ways that you could be productive while at home. Right? You can learn IELTS from us; you can learn real English from native speakers with us, so many ways. Lindsay: Yes, there's a lot you can do. I mean, I am looking to bulk up on my Google Analytics skills during these quiet days at home, trying to take some online courses for my personal skills. You know, I mean, we should all be doing this. This is a chance to really learn something new, and that's what we're kicking off today. I mean, that's why we're having our IELTS web class in a couple of days. Right, Jessica? Jessica: Yes, it's super soon, you guys, April 25th and 27th. Aubrey and I are doing an IELTS web class about how to be certain on test day that you will get the score you need on your Speaking exam. There's going to be amazing tips for each part of the Speaking test, and vocab (vocabulary) and examples and everything you need to succeed on your Speaking exam. So guys, grab your spot, it's not unlimited. Lindsay: Right, right, right. Jessica: So, guys, you need to grab your spot right now for this web class, it's free, it's live, go to AllEarsEnglish.com/certain, that's CERTAIN. Lindsay: Yeah (yes), and it's also not recorded. Right, Jessica? Jessica: Exactly. Lindsay: We do not record. I always get emails from students asking if they can have the recording. Sorry, guys. We don't record these web classes because they are valuable and we want you to show up live, because it's worth it. Alright? Jessica: Yes, exactly, yeah (yes). We record the podcast, this is what you can listen to at any time. The web class is a totally different way to learn from us. Lindsay: Ohh, for sure, for sure. And that's what we are getting... So, what are we getting into today, by the way, Jessica? I mean, we had a question on Instagram from our listener. Jessica: Yes. Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Jessica: Ohh my gosh, guys, if you're not following us on Instagram, we are one of the most active ESL English language teaching Instagram pages, so, follow All Ears English, look for the yellow. Lindsay: Definitely. Jessica: But yeah (yes), we had a great question on there from a follower about... This is really interesting, what to say if you're talking about someone that you don't really like. Lindsay: Yeah (yes), and I want to read the listener's question here, this is from Neubart one of our followers, he says, "Hi, it's always been challenging for me to express my opinions without being judgmental, especially when talking about someone. I believe it's worthy to talk about; your podcast is magnificent and inspiring. Thanks a lot." So, that's great. Jessica: I love it. Lindsay: I'm going to let him know that his episode is going to be coming out at the end of April, this is great. So, let's get into it. I mean, what are we getting out? We have attacked this topic from different angles, but never from this one. Right, Jessica? Jessica: Yeah (yes). So, guys, here's some more homework. Right? If you're still at home you can also go back and listen to All Ears English Episode 1218 and 1140, because those are episodes about, like, disagreeing directly with the person that you're talking to, but today's topic is totally different, but it does come up. Right? People talk about other people all the time, and I love this question, because he's like... You will do this, right? He's recognizing that, like, this does happen. Lindsay: Yes.
Jessica: People, people are judging, people gossip, but how can we do this in a way that is not super negative, that's not mean. It's still honest, right, because you're going to disagree with people sometimes. Lindsay: For sure. Jessica: But yet, like, not being super judgmental. Lindsay: Yeah (yes), and you also, on the flipside of this is that we want to be an integrity in the world. So, we don't want to just say that yeah (yes), we really like this person, or we really agree with this person when we don't. Right? That's the other piece. Jessica: Right. Lindsay: So, the balancing act here, the high wire, right, is how do we say, be honest, be true to ourselves and what is true to us without being rude or mean. And guys, the setup here is not that we're talking today directly to that person. Right? We're talking to someone else about that person. Okay?
So, that is the key difference in today's episode. Jessica: And you know, I would say that this is a great work skill. Like, you're saying to be true in the world, to be authentic in the world, to stand up for yourself, right, and be honest about your opinions, and yet in a politically correct way we could say. But I think this is a work skill. Right? Because, you, if you're talking to your manager and they're asking you what you think about a co-worker's performance or something they did on a project, or you know, maybe something went wrong, and it wasn't your fault. Lindsay: I love that, I love that. Jessica: And, you know, it's a fact, like, someone dropped the ball, someone did not do well. Don't take the blame, be honest, but in a, you know, nice way. Lindsay: Yeah (yes), this is fantastic because in the workplace we have to hold our own, we have to say what we think, right, or else people will not respect us as much. Jessica: Exactly. Lindsay: At least that's true in American business culture. Right, and we are planning to release a business course this year, right now things are kind of crazy with coronavirus, guys, we are going to do our best to get this out to you this year. Okay?
That is one of our massive goals on the year, so keep looking for it. Alright? Awesome. [Instrumental] Announcer: Guys, if the IELTS exam is in your plan for the year, you can't miss this web class. If you're stuck at a six, we are here to help you get that seven or higher that unlocks your dreams. Sign up for the free live web class with ex-Examiner Jessica and Aubrey. Go to AllEarsEnglish.com/CERTAIN and sign up today.
[Instrumental] Lindsay: Okay. Jessica: So exciting. Lindsay: So, what's the first scenario here then? Jessica: So, let's say that you are talking to someone about a person who has opinions you don't agree with, possibly political views that you don't agree with. I feel like this is a very common situation today. Lindsay: Yes, exactly, exactly. So, there's a couple things we could say. I mean... Well, definitely political opinions are likely to be different right now, and this is out in the world right now, we're having political discussions. But one thing I might say is, "I wouldn't do things that way, but to each his own." "To each his own," do you like that one? Jessica: Yeah (yes), "to each his own." That's saying, like, they can have their opinion, they could do their thing, I don't have to like it and it's fine. Okay?
Yeah (yes), totally. I think also if you're, like, focusing on sort of ideas and opinions that you don't agree with, you can just be like, "You know, ultimately we just had to agree to disagree." That's one of my favorite phrases, like, I say that a lot. I say that to James, too. Because we'll have, like, differing opinions, and I'm always encouraging him to, like, express honestly what he thinks, and I'm like, "And that's, you know, that's your opinion, that's great. Agree to disagree." And it's just, like, a way to sort of finish the conversation because you're not going to convince someone to change their mind, and likewise, if you are describing this person to someone else, it's just a nice way of just finishing that description in a way that is like final and saying it's not going to change and it's fine. Lindsay: Yeah (yes), exactly. And so we could play around with the tenses here too guys, right, you could say to this third party when they asked you about this person, you could say, "Well, we have agreed to disagree." Right, so in the present perfect form. Right, "We have agreed to disagree." You can just put it in different tenses to describe where are you at with that other person. Okay?
Jessica: Yeah (yes), exactly, exactly. I also like the phrase "whatever floats your boat''/ I feel like this could be, but for both opinions and actions that you don't agree with. Right? Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Jessica: And it's just another way to summarize, to finalize this description. Right? So, you could first explain what the differences are, right, "Well, this person thinks this, but I think this." and then you could say, "But you know what, I'm not judging." and you can just directly say that, I do. "I'm not judging, you know, whatever floats your boat." And it's just a way to end it, just be like, "It's fine." Lindsay: Yeah (yes), I've heard "I'm not judging," I've heard "no judgment," right, "no judgment" as a way of opening up your phrase, "no judgment," "whatever floats your boat." Yeah (yes), absolutely, absolutely. And I also like the idea of saying, "He has his opinion, I have mine." Jessica: Yeah (yes). Lindsay: Right, again we're talking to this third person and it's a way of both people can stay in integrity with themselves, no one, like, loses power, has to compromise, right, that's what I like about those phrases. Jessica: Yeah (yes), totally, I love it. And so, so far guys, all of these phrases could be used to describe opinions or thoughts, views that you don't agree with, or actions. I think these all could be used to describe also an action that you don't agree with. Maybe a habit someone has, maybe, like, if you're talking about someone who prefers to you, like, work at night, but you don't, you work in the morning, you can be like, "Whatever floats your boat, like, that's fine." Right? Lindsay: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes). Jessica: So, it could be serious or not serious, these differences, but as far as, like, one specifically for actions, there's something that I say a lot just like "that's not my thing." I think people like the idiom "not my cup of tea," but that's honestly something I would never say. Lindsay: No, I hate that.
Jessica: That sounds kind of weird to me. Lindsay: Well, it just, it sounds kind of maybe a little bit British, I don't know, it's just not, it's not my personality to say it either. Jessica: Yeah (yes). Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Jessica: Yeah (yes), I would just say, "You know what, that's not my thing, but that's fine." Or, "That's just not what I'm into." Lindsay: Right. Jessica: Or, "That's not me." Right? Lindsay: Yes, yes. Jessica: All three of those are just like, "Yeah (yes), that's..." You know? Different strokes for different folks. Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Jessica: There's another idiom. Lindsay: Yeah (yes), it's actually kind of interesting, now that I think about this in a cultural level, that the fact that we do have so many different ways to say that we differentiate from others may give us some insight into American culture. Jessica: Yes. Lindsay: Because the whole thing in American culture is standing out, being different, that is valued here. Right? Whereas in other cultures it may not be as much, and that's probably why we have so many ways to say this. That's interesting. Jessica: That's interesting, yes. Ohh my gosh, I didn't even think about that, but that's so true. Lindsay: Yes.
Jessica: As we're discussing this and we keep coming up with more and more ways and idioms and established sayings for, like, everybody has their own thing, that's great, we, like, celebrate these differences, even when we disagree with them and they're not something we would do, we love to recognize the fact that we're all different. Lindsay: Exactly. We really do, and kind of show respect for that, right, show that that's okay, even if maybe what the person is doing is not good, like, maybe it's destructive, but there is a place for respecting what they're doing in a way, you don't have to do it, but you say that you're different and let them be. It's like a sense of letting them be. You know? Jessica: Totally. Lindsay: That's fascinating. Jessica: Yeah (yes), and, like, something that we, that is, like, super native to say, and this is if you're talking directly to the person, I'm breaking theme a little bit. Lindsay: Okay, breaking theme. Jessica: This just occurred to me, you could just feel like "you do you" or "you be you." Lindsay: Ohh my gosh, that's so good. This is fantastic. How this episode has really evolved as we've hit "play." Jessica: I know. We just had, like, a couple brainstorming notes before we recorded, and now it's, like, this is more important than we even thought. Lindsay: I love it when we learn something about the topic just by talking through it. It's fantastic. Jessica: Yes. Lindsay: And then I want to end on one of the more... You know, there's always a time and place for knowing when to say nothing. Right, and this is another acquired skill, I think of becoming more mature, getting older, getting smarter, getting more confident in yourself too. Right? Because when51 © All Ears English www.allearsenglish.com you're confident in yourself you don't always have to declare that you're different from that person, sometimes you can just say nothing. Right? Jessica: That's so true, yes. Knowing when to hold your tongue, as we say. Right? And, like, keep silent, not say anything. That's, that's not weakness, right? Lindsay: No, no. Jessica: I think some people would be like, "No, but I have to say the fact that I don't agree with this." and stuff. You know what, like, why? What is the reason you feel like you have to say that? Like you said, getting more mature, getting like older little bit, right, you could be like, okay, is that for the benefit of someone else or is that just because I am and insecure myself and I have to? Lindsay: Right. Jessica: Like you said, declare myself. Yeah (yes), at the end of the day, guys, what good is it going to do to, like, put this decisiveness, no, divisiveness out in the world. Like, you don't always have to do that. Lindsay: Exactly, and I could take a very specific situations in which this would be really strategic to do. Like, for example, talking to your partner about your partner's parents, maybe there's something maybe politically that you disagree with that you would want to look back on. Right? And that would be the perfect time just to say nothing, and we do have a phrase that we teach kids, right, in our culture around this concept. What is that phrase, Jessica? Jessica: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all." Lindsay: "Don't say anything at all" or "don't say it all," right, I love it. Jessica: And again, I feel like that's totally something my parents used to tell me. Lindsay: For sure, for sure. And I think this is something that we as Americans could learn from other cultures, like, how to hold back, how to say a little bit less, how to not always feel like we have to declare our differences. You know what I mean? There's a time and place for it. I feel like that's what I love so much about living abroad, I noticed that in Japan things were done differently. Jessica: Ohh, completely. Ohh, yeah (yes). Lindsay: You can kind of refine your own personality by sort of living in different countries and taking what you want, what you think works from different places. Jessica: For sure. Yeah (yes). I, it took me a while in Taiwan in the "face-saving" sort of culture, because I've always, like, just thrown everything out there, like no filter, as we say, there's another phrase. Ohh my God, so many phrases today, you guys. Lindsay: Yeah (yes), a lot. Jessica: But yeah (yes), I had to develop more of a filter, which I think was very beneficial to me. Lindsay: For sure, for sure. No, this is great. So, guys, let us know do you think, let us know in your culture what is the go-to, should you be saying what you think, should you be saying how you differentiate from this person or not? Is it better to hold back? This could make a great discussion. Jessica: Ohh my gosh, yes. And, guys, so many of the phrases we've talked about today would be amazing to use on your IELTS Speaking exam if you are taking IELTS. So, guys, sign up for that web class all about IELTS speaking, being a hundred percent (100%) certain that you will get the score you need, AllEarsEnglish.com/certain. Lindsay: Yes, I can't wait for that web class, it's going to be great to give our listeners a sense of certainty. Again, it's an uncertain time, we don't know what's going to happen with this virus, but we can show you guys how to get that seven or higher to keep your life moving forward. Right? We don't have to just stop everything because this is going on, you can still keep reaching toward your goals. Okay?
Jessica: Ohh, for sure, a hundred percent (100%). Guys, I mean, if we're spending more time at home, luckily the internet exists. Lindsay: Thank God. Jessica: You could be learning so much right now.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Exactly. Alright, this has been a great episode. I've learned a lot here, Jessica, and looking forward to our next one. Jessica: Me too. Alright, have a good day, Lindsay. Lindsay: Alright, talk to you soon. Jessica: Bye. Lindsay: Bye. [Instrumental] Announcer: Thanks for listening to All Ears English. If you are taking IELTS this year, get your estimated band score with our two-minute quiz, go to AllEarsEnglish.com/MyScore. And if you believe in Connection NOT Perfection™, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything. See you next time.
