AEE Episode 965: How to Be Your Best Self, Plus Reflections on American Culture
Announcer: This is an All Ears English podcast Episode 965: “How to Be Your Best Self, Plus Reflections on American Culture” [Instrumental] Announcer: Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, downloaded more than 50 million times. We believe in Connection NOT Perfection™, with your American hosts Lindsay McMahon, the ‘English Adventurer', and Michelle Kaplan, the ‘New York Radio Girl,' coming to you from Boston and New York City, U.S.A. [Instrumental] Announcer: And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week, go to AllEarsEnglish.com/subscribe. [Instrumental] Announcer: Today, let's dive into the culture of self-improvement in the U.S. Why are Americans addicted to it, and what phrases do you need to connect around this topic? Get everything you need today. [Instrumental] Lindsay: Hey (hi) Jessica, Ozzie there in the background is having quite a day. He's an emotional dog, isn't he? Jessica: He is so emotional. Ohh my gosh, I didn't realize before getting Ozzie and how unique dogs are. Every dog has its own, like, personality and anxieties. Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Jessica: Like, I can't tell you how many dog owners I meet that talk about their dogs' anxieties and stuff. Lindsay: They're so quirky. Jessica: It's crazy. Lindsay: Yeah (yes), it's so funny. It's so funny. That's crazy. Michelle: And especially here in Portland because everybody has rescue dogs, everybody says, "Ohh, it's a rescue dog, it's a rescue dog.” Lindsay: Ohh yeah (yes). Jessica: They all come with, you know, issues. Lindsay: Let's call it baggage. Yeah (yes). Jessica: Baggage, yeah (yes), that's a good term. What does "baggage" mean? Lindsay: Baggage. Jessica: I don't think our students would know that one. Lindsay: I actually love that term. I mean, sometimes we use this for people too, and you go into relationships, they come with baggage. It's everything... Baggage is everything that's happened to you in the past, usually bad things. Jessica: Yeah (yes), pretty much always bad things. Right?
We don't talk about, like, positive baggage. Lindsay: Exactly.
Jessica: Because it's this is idea of, like, you're carrying these negative things from your past and they're acting on your present. Lindsay: Ohh yeah (yes), yeah (yes). Jessica: [laughter] Everybody has that. If you're an adult, everybody has that. Lindsay: That's true. Jessica: That's kind of what we're talking about today, because I think that term "baggage" is something that, in American culture at least, like, the selfhelp industry, the self-improvement industry, that term, I don't know that term existed before everybody was trying to fix themselves. Lindsay: Yeah (yes), it's true. Today, it's going to be a super interesting episode, guys, because we're going to talk a bit about one aspect of American culture that you guys are going to end up getting into eventually, hearing about in an article or newspaper, magazine. It's going to come across in your conversation. Jessica: Definitely. Lindsay: But before we get into that, Jessica, let's remind our listeners about the webinar that's coming up. Jessica: Ooh yeah (yes), guys. Lindsay: Yes.
Jessica: Lindsay and I are doing a webinar for IELTS, you guys. It's about grammar; we're going to give you guys seven and higher grammar structure. So, you're not going to be wasting your time studying all these, you know, worksheets, whatever, whatever. We're just going to lay it out on the line, guys. These are the sentence structures you need in task one and you can use them in task two as well, but very specifically focused on improving your grammar for the exam. Lindsay: Exactly.
So, if you guys are taking, this is All Ears English podcast, so not everyone is taking the exam, but some of you are definitely taking the IELTS exam this year. You want to attend, and you definitely want to attend live, because that's where you get our special offers. You get to ask questions, you get to see us on video, it's just a really good place to be live, guys. Spots are filling up quick. Spots are actually limited on the live webinar itself. And last time, Jessica, we had hundreds of signups. Didn't we? It was so cool. Jessica: It was amazing. Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Jessica: It was amazing. So, definitely get in there soon, guys. June 20th and June 21st. Go to AllEarsEnglish.com/examiner. Lindsay: Yeah (yes), go sign up right now, guys. Claim your spot before they run out. Alright, let's start into it, and before we do that, I just want to say one quick thank you to one amazing reviewer who reviewed our app. Thank you to _ from Taiwan. Thank you for your review. Jessica: Ohh yay. Awesome. Thank you. Thank you, . Lindsay: Yes, yeah (yes), so cool. Yeah (yes). Okay, so, let's talk about selfimprovement. [laughter] Interesting topic. Jessica: Ohh gosh. So, I think we both dabbled, we both read and came across a lot of ideas, and some are very useful, some are kind of foofy. It's a huge industry here in America, and I actually read a book about it called America the Anxious. I highly recommend it to any listeners who are curious about why we are so into this. Because Americans in particular, like, we've exported some of the self-help stuff, for sure, like Tony Robbins, right? He goes around the world. Lindsay: Ohh, yeah (yes). Jessica: But nobody goes as crazy or spends as much money on the self-help industry as we do. Lindsay: Yeah (yes). And why do you think we do that? Like, why is America anxious, or why do we want to always be striving to improve ourselves? Why is this field relevant for us? Jessica: Well, that's interesting. I think it's this idea, like, this American dream ideal of, like, everybody can have their dream life. Right?
Like, the American dream. And it's like there's so much room to get there, and I feel like we're trying to reach this ideal of a life, that maybe doesn't even exist, but we're told that it does. We're told it like you can have this perfect life and these dreams, but you just have to fix yourself first. [laughter] Lindsay: [laughter] Jessica: So, people are, like, convinced that maybe if they're a better person inside, then their outside life will also be better. Right?
Lindsay: Ohh yeah (yes), for sure. I mean, I think it's a fine line, you know. I think this industry, it's hard to come together, the whole self-help industry, right? Jessica: True, yeah (yes). Lindsay: Because I think legitimately, I mean, I've used products and sources and read books and taken courses, maybe not so much courses but, to improve myself for sure. Right?
Jessica: Yeah (yes). Lindsay: And that that's one of my highest values in my entire life, is not so much the word self-improvement, but striving, wanting to just live a better life, just be more true to myself in my life. So, it's a broad area, a broad category. Right?
Jessica: Definitely, yeah (yes). It's really, like, I think if I would have talked about this five years ago, I didn't believe in any of this. I didn't read anything like that. I was, like, whatever. But then, you know, some events happened in my life and I found myself in a place where I did need to do, you know, look inside, do some work. Right?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Jessica: And I like that phrase, "doing the work". Lindsay: Yes.
Jessica: My friends and I throw that around a lot. You know, like, we enjoy being around other people who are also doing the work, we say. Right?
Like, people who do want to improve themselves and they're motivated to be their best selves and have their best life. Lindsay: Exactly.
Because, I mean, I think it comes down to your personal philosophy on life. Right?
It comes down to, like, why do you think we're here? I mean, some people are here just to have to eliminate pain and to avoid pain. And, therefore, the easiest thing is just to rearrange the world so that the life is painless. But then I think at some point you realize, like, you mention certain events happened, and for me too, around my mid- 20's, certain things happened where I realize I can rearrange the world. I have to be the one who kind of rearranges the way I see things. Jessica: Exactly. Lindsay: That is kind of my definition of self-improvement. It's more like the mind, how the mind takes things in. [Instrumental] Announcer: Guys, if you love focusing on Connection NOT Perfection™ with us here at All Ears English, four days a week, then share the show with one of your coolest friends. Let's help more English students learn English by focusing on Connection NOT Perfection™. Thanks for sharing All Ears English. [Instrumental] Jessica: That's so true, that's so true. Because we can't control what happens outside of ourselves, but we can control how we deal with things and how we look at the world. Right?
Lindsay: Exactly.
Jessica: And it's my best friend, Megan, she was just telling me that the other day. How like, what is our, why are we here? Lindsay: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes).
Jessica: What is the purpose of our life if it's not to experience it in the most mindful, but in the most positive, way that we can? Lindsay: Right, right. Jessica: Like, explore the world in a positive way, be a student, be a learner, improve yourself, and push yourself in different directions. Like, don't let these experiences control you. Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Jessica: So, if other things, bad things, happen all the time, but is that going to ruin your life, or are you going to face it with, like, courage? And it doesn't have to be, you're not going to be happy all the time, and that's another realization I think that I've come to as well. That sometimes, I think sometimes the self-help industry creates this image of, like, you could be perfectly happy all the time, but that's not true either, and that's also okay. Lindsay: Yeah (yes), and that is part of... True self-help is understanding that that's okay. You're not going to be okay all the time, and I love that. I think the other piece of, we sort of touched on this, but I think the other piece of American culture that is so drawn to this is our love for growth; growth itself, like growth, like, a before and after story. You know what I mean? Jessica: Ohh totally, yeah (yes). Lindsay: We love that stuff, we eat that up. And the idea of the hero, all our movies are around a hero and he's growing, he's getting better, or he or she is striving for something. That is so deep in our culture. Jessica: It really is. We are suckers for the underdog. Lindsay: Yeah (yes), for sure. Jessica: Like, and I am no different. I love a good underdog story. So, "the underdog", guys, that term, it's for the person who's not supposed to succeed. Right?
The person who is down on his luck or not good at something, right, like, not expected to do well.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Jessica: But then he goes through this amazing experience and he works hard, and he... You know. Lindsay: Hard work is always in there, by the way. Jessica: Yeah (yes). Lindsay: Hard work is the massive part of that narrative. Yeah (yes). Jessica: And you know what? That's something that I appreciated when I was living in Asia as well, in Taiwan, is this love for, like, working hard to be one's best. I found that that was also highly valued in that culture. Lindsay: Yeah (yes), for sure, for sure. Yeah (yes). I mean, if you're born into that, if that's what you see when you're growing up, that's what you're going to move into, absolutely. Yeah (yes). Jessica: Yeah (yes). Lindsay: Interesting. Jessica: The reason why these, I wanted to sort of talk about some of these terms with you today for our students, is I discovered an amazing new podcast that I want to recommend to everyone. It's called “Unladylike”, and it's sort of a feminist podcast, but the experience of what it is to be a woman in the world and every guest on the show is just living their best life. They're all so inspirational and strong and amazing. So, this term, "living your best life", it occurred to me, I'm like, "I know that's not in any textbook." Like, do our students know that? We say that all the time. Lindsay: Yeah (yes), probably not, guys. We're giving you non-textbook words today. We're giving you words that you'll never learn in any textbook, we can guarantee that, but you will see them in newspapers, magazines, movies, podcasts. This is the material you want to connect on with other people. Okay? Jessica: For sure.
Lindsay: Okay, so, "live your best life", what does that mean then? It's kind of selfexplanatory. Jessica: Yeah (yes), I think it makes sense, but I think a lot of it is not just, it's not just about, you know, having the best job or being a successful engineer, whatever. It's about the rest of your life as well. Right?
Like, surrounding yourself with good people, filling your time in positive, healthy ways, not falling into traps of, like, drama, maybe drama that you create, or drama created by other people, or, like, not being held back by unhealthy, negative things. Right?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes), absolutely. This is living your best life as a whole person, right? Jessica: Right. Lindsay: Health, fitness, love, romance, family, all of these things. You're living on a very high level. Jessica: Yeah (yes), exactly, exactly. The other side of that would be "to be your best self", right, so, "live your best life", "be your best self". Both of them are the same, but it is holistic. It's not just, like, "Ohh, I'm rich now." It's not about the monetary gain; it's about the complete person. Lindsay: These two phrases made me think of Oprah. Jessica: Ohh yeah (yes), totally. Lindsay: Yeah (yes). [laughter] Jessica: [laughter] Lindsay: That's the previous generation's answer to these phrases. Right?
I mean, that's really where, she... I mean, I'm sure our listeners know Oprah. She's got her own network. I mean, she's got the talk show. Does that talk show still run? Do you know? Jessica: No, no. Lindsay: No, no, no, not anymore.
Jessica: I remember when she retired from that talk show, like, years ago, and that's when she started her own channel and her own magazine, of which she's on the cover of every month. Lindsay: Ohh, yeah (yes). And she still puts out, I think there's a show called Super Soul Sundays. I used to have a student who loved to watch that. Jessica: Ohh. Ohh, no way. Lindsay: It was great, it was great. I think that's on the Oprah Network. So, she still, definitely, like, is involved in it. This was always her theme. Jessica: Ohh, yeah (yes). Lindsay: You know, self-improvement, living your best life. Jessica: For sure.
Ohh, definitely, yeah (yes). I think she really brought these terms to the forefront in the 1980s. Right?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Jessica: Like a minority woman and African-American woman who began, like, a talk show empire and was, like, "Everybody can do this. Like, you guys can do this, too." I think she did a lot, yeah (yes). Lindsay: Yeah (yes), and also just that she brought to the forefront topics that probably up to that point no one would talk about. Things like probably like breast cancer or things like pregnancy, or I don't know, any issues in society she brought, like, she had people talking about them on stage on TV. That in itself was pretty revolutionary at that time, I'm sure. Jessica: Ohh, for sure. Ohh, definitely, yeah (yes). She has built an enormously impressive empire out of really helping a lot of people. Lindsay: I love that. Jessica: You know? Yeah (yes). Lindsay: It's so cool. Jessica: No, it's a great story. Lindsay: So cool, yeah (yes). And then there's the third one, and this phrase is also seen and heard around the spaces of self-improvement. So, the idea of "manifesting our goals". Right, "to manifest your goals". What does it mean to manifest? Jessica: Manifest is to say you envision it in your mind; you picture it in your mind, and you, like, make it happen. But I think it's a lot more active than that. That's just one level of manifestation. Right?
Lindsay: What does it mean to manifest? Like, how else would we do it? Like, what are the other ways if you want to manifest something? What would you do? Jessica: I think to create positive habits around that goal. So, part of it is, you know, hard work, but it's more, like, indirect, I feel like. So, for example, there's a lot of, like, dating sites, let's say. Right?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Jessica: And they might say, like, you can manifest your partner and it's not by trying to go on dates. It's by being a healthy person yourself and being confident in yourself, and then you will attract the person that you want to be with. Lindsay: Exactly.
Jessica: Does that make sense? Lindsay: Exactly.
Yeah (yes), I know that. And that makes a lot of sense, too. Right?
Because you want to be the one that... You would want to be the person that you would want to date, like, the person that you would want to date. Like, who would want to date you, they want to date you, you want to be that person. Right?
Yes.
Jessica: Exactly, yeah (yes). So, it's, like, what do you think you deserve in a partner? Like, you want to be at that level as well. Lindsay: Exactly.
Jessica: So, it's not manifesting your goals, this could be any goals, right? Like weight loss or a different position at work or being a fluent English speaker. It's not about the direct hard work, which you will also be doing, but it's about the best life thing. It's about treating it as a holistic goal where you're just working on being healthy and positive inside yourself and then good things will come to you. Lindsay: Yeah (yes), so cool. I love it, I feel like a lot of our listeners are going to resonate with this today. Jessica: Ohh, for sure. I am inspired and motivated by our listeners all the time. I love reading your messages, you guys. If you haven't already, leave us a review on iTunes or Stitcher, wherever you get your podcast, and tell us, you know, what inspires you, what keeps you motivated. Lindsay: Absolutely. We want to hear from you guys in those reviews. So, Jessica, thanks for hanging out today. This has been great. Jessica: Ohh, my pleasure. Have a good day, Lindsay. Lindsay: Alright, talk to you soon, bye. Jessica: Bye. [Instrumental] Announcer: Thanks so much for listening to All Ears English. And if you need a seven or higher on your IELTS exam to achieve your life vision, then our “Insider Method” can get you there. Start with our free video series master class. Get video one now at AllEarsEnglish.com/INSIDER. And if you believe in Connection NOT Perfection™, then subscribe to our show on your phone or on your computer. See you next time
