Vampires vs Werewolves (1)

**Announcer:** From the brains behind brains on its Smash Boom Best.

**Kate:** The show is for people with big opinions.

**Molly Bloom:** Hi! I'm Molly Bloom and this is Smash Boom Best. The show where we take two things, smash them together and ask you to decide which one is best. Today, the ultimate immortal rivals go fang to claw in a blood thirsty debate. In one corner, we've got vampires and in the other, werewolves. Which terrifying tormentor will win this Smash Boom Battle? With such a monstrous match up, it's hard to say. Luckily, Kate is here to help us decide. Hi Kate.

**Kate:** Hello.

**Molly:** Kate, when I say vampire, what comes to mind?

**Kate:** I think of __Twilight__ and __The Vampire Diaries.__ Yes, I watched all of it, unfortunately.

**Molly:** (laughs) What about werewolves? What are your associations with werewolves?

**Kate:** I think they're pretty cool. Whenever I think of vampires and werewolves, I always think of Team Jacob and Team Edward. In Twilight.

(laughter)

**Molly:** Edward was the vampire in __Twilight__ and Jacob was the werewolf. Are you Team Jacob or Team Edward?

**Kate:** I'm Team Jacob.

**Molly:** Would you say that you already think one of these fictional sides is cooler?

**Kate:** Just like going into the debate, I guess I like werewolves a lot, but also I think vampires are cool too.

**Molly:** All right, well I think you are the perfect judge for today's debate. I think it's time to meet our debaters.

Here to defend that the historically Transylvanian Team Vampire, it's Anna Weggel. Hi Anna.

**Anna Weggel:** Hi, this is spooky and fun.

**Molly:** (laughs) Anna, tell us in a single sentence why are vampires the Smash Boom Best?

**Anna:** Vampires are the Smash Boom Best because they are scarier, toothier, more powerful and more deadly than any creature on the face of the earth. If you don't agree with that, then you're in some serious danger.

**Molly:** And here to represent werewolves, those mythical beasts that have been clawing their way through fiction for thousands of years, it's Tracy Mumford. Hi Tracy.

**Tracy Mumford:** (howls) Hello.

**Molly:** In one sentence, why are werewolves cooler than vampires?

**Tracy:** Werewolves live a wild double life where they get to go out like normal people during the day in the sun, but then cut loose with super speed and super strength at night.

**Molly:** All right, excellent arguments already. Let's review the rules of the game.

Round one is the Declaration of Greatness. Using facts, logic and top-notch storytelling, our debaters will present the most persuasive arguments for their side. After each declaration, the opposing team will have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statement. Then we've got the Micro Round, a creative challenge each side has prepared for in advance.

Round three is the Sneak Attack. A surprise challenge debaters will response to on the spot. To top it all off, we've got the Final Six. In this round, each team will have six words to make a closing case for their side. Our judge, Kate, will award one point after each round, but she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate.

Listeners, we want you to judge too. This is a tough one, so mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won.

Okay, everybody, are you ready?

**Anna:** Yes.

**Tracy:** Yes.

**Kate:** Let's go.

**Molly:** Then it's time for the-

**Announcer:** Declaration of Greatness.

**Molly:** Our debaters will present the most fascinating facts and awesome arguments in favor of their side. We flipped a coin and Anna, you're up first. It's time for a declaration of greatness for those shadowy hunters of the night, vampires.

(music)

**Anna:** Vampires are the greatest, most deadly and horrifying creature in the history of the world.

And let's be honest, they are fun for us to think about, because being scared is super fun. It's really the whole point of Halloween. Besides the candy.

Let's explore this further.

So exactly what is a vampire?

If you're a fan of the __Twilight__ books and movies, which I definitely, let's face it, am, you might think a vampire is a cute boy named Edward who's very cold in body temperature but also in his demeanor in the way that he seems distant and unavailable but that's only because he's never found his one true love until he DOES fall for a human teenager and then he has to fight to protect her both from the dangers of the world but also the dangers of his own cold skin!

__Bella: “How old are you?”

Edward: “17.”

Bella: “How long have you been 17?”

Edward: “A while.”__

OK. Yes. But vampires are so much more than a 17-but really 119-year cold dead loverboy.

Throughout history, vampires have been described as terrifying, undead creatures that hate sunlight so they sleep in coffins during the day because normal beds aren't CREEPY ENOUGH for them, and legend has it that they feed off of human blood that they get from biting their victims' necks with their super sharp and pointy teeth.

But don't worry! Vampires aren't real. They're a piece of what we call folklore - a story that's passed down from generation to generation -

**Dracula:** Hellooooooo!

**Anna:** One second, Dracula.

**Dracula:** Can I talk nowwww?

**Anna:** If you could just hold on one minute. So vampires are NOT cute.

**Dracula** (offended): Heeeey!

**Anna:** They're basically hungry all the time.

**Dracula:** Can I say hello to microphone?

**Anna:** Drac. Please. Can you just hold on for one sec, I'm trying to talk about your species and provide some background info and…

**Dracula (mocking):** Background info, oh good morning, I am news reporter, I have info for you.

**Anna:** Ok, that's, ok. So yes there's something I need to tell you. I know…...a vampire. His name is —

**Dracula:** I AM DRACULA!

**Anna:** Yes. He's Dracula and he's … the most famous vampire of all time.

**Dracula:** That's right, Edward Cullen. Move aside, Nosferatu. I am NUMBER ONE VAMPIRE!

**Anna:** So do you want to tell your story or…

**Dracula:** Once upon a time there was an Irish boy named Abraham Stoker, or “Bram” as I like to call him and in 1897, Bram buddy wrote a book about me called __Dracula__ - which is my name - Dracula - named after me - where I travel from Transylvania to England to find new blood and battle Professor Abraham Van Helsing - I CURSE HIS NAME!

**Anna:** And although __Dracula__ isn't the first vampire novel, it's one of the most famous, and it even prompted Sherlock Holmes author Sir Arthur Conan Doyle to write a letter to Stoker saying "I write to tell you how very much I have enjoyed reading Dracula. I think it is the very best story of diablerie which I have read for many years." Diablerie. Great word.

**Dracula:** It means reckless mischief and charismatic wildness! I searched it on Goo Goo.

**Anna:** Google.

**Dracula:** Gloo glued.

**Anna:** Google.

**Dracula:** Gubernatorial.

**Anna:** Ok. But __Dracula__ was just the start of vampire-mania. Since then we've created countless other iconic stories. Like...

Anne Rice's Interview with a Vampire, the Swedish Let the Right One In, Steven King's Salem's Lot, TV shows like Buffy, Vampire Diaries, What We Do In The Shadows, The Originals, Legacy, Shadow Hunters, V Wars, and how can we forget Movies like Twilight, Twilight 2, 3, 4, and 4.5, also What We Do in the Shadows, Vampire Academy, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, Hotel Transylvania, the 1922 classic silent German Expressionist horror film Nosferatu.

Clearly, we humans love vampires.

Why? Because they're incredible! They're smart, cunning, powerful, charming - and they're stylish. They don't run around in ripped off flannel shirts and jean shorts with their hairy arms and dirty legs __(*cough, like werewolves, *cough)__. They wear sleek, tailored clothing with flowing capes. They make it work! Plus they're the embodiment of one of our greatest fantasies -- immortality! Who hasn't wondered what it would be like to stay young forever?

Humans love vampires because they have so many qualities that we don't. Some of us, if we could choose, would __be__ them. But we can't! Because they're not real.

**Dracula:** Yes we are, Anna.

**Anna:** No. You're not. But you know what is real? Like really real-life real?

VAMPIRE BATS.

**Dracula:** Oh I love those.

**Anna:** Their noses look like little leaves, and they eat fruit, insects -- and drink BLOOD. There are three species of them, and they live in South and Central America. And after they bite their prey they leave the classic two-prong bite mark on their victim's skin. *shudder

**Dracula:** Wait so what does that have to do with anything?

**Anna:** I'm just saying. That if you don't believe in vampires —

**Dracula:** How dare they.

**Anna:** Then just know that in real life. There is a creature - that is REAL - that could actually bite your neck and word on the street is they target people who don't believe in vampires. So.

**Dracula:** Oh you are so scary.

(music)

**Molly:** That was a Drac-tastic Declaration of Greatness. Kate, what did you think about Anna's declaration? What stood out to you about her argument?

**Kate:** I like the tie-in with the vampire bat. This is going to b a hard debate.

**Molly:** Tracy, it's time for your rebuttal. Channel that wild werewolf energy because you've got 30 seconds to let it fly and your time starts now.

**Tracy:** I noticed you skipped where you live, my vampire friend. You live in a coffin, sounds pretty creepy, kind of cramped. You also brushed past the fact that you can't go out during the day, so I don't know if you remember this thing called the sun, but it's beautiful. I enjoy walking in it without fear of burning to death. That's just a thing that I like. Also, you tried to fashion-shame my werewolf friends, which like, "Okay, pulling out your Gucci and Versace Dracula vibes.”

**Molly:** And time. What do vampires wear?

**Tracy:** The clothes they died in.

(laughter)

**Molly:** All right Tracy, it is your turn. We want to know why werewolves deserve to be crowned the Smash Boom Best, I mean, best.

**Tracy:** Imagine, you're up in your bedroom...you're feeling kind of itchy. Kind of antsy. Something feels different. Everyone else is asleep and It's getting late. You push back the curtains and look out the window...

...is that a full moon…?

You look down at your hands and your nails are looking really sharp, er...actually...are those...claws? And where is all this fur coming from? It's busting out of your clothes and you're starting to feel REALLY REALLY POWERFUL and…

SMASH.

What was that? Did you just...did you just jump out of your bedroom window and smash through the glass and land on the sidewalk? Yeah, you did!

Oh, WOW, look at that moon, it's huge! It's calling to you!

Suddenly you're running down the street, into the woods, you have never run faster, you've never felt more free. OK, so you're __kind__ of hungry, now that you think about it, but mostly this is incredible!

You're so excited, you just let it all out and---

AWOOOOO.

Congratulations, you're a werewolf. Welcome to the pack!

Now, you've seen howling, growling__ __werewolves in __Twilight__ and __Teenwolf__ and __Hotel Transylvania__ but stories about people transforming into wolves have actually been around for almost __four thousand__ years.

**Lucey:** The werewolf myth is as old as time.

**Tracy:** That's Dr. Colleen Lucey, who has taught classes on werewolves and vampires, at the University of Arizona. These stories go __way, way__, back.

**Lucey:**  The tales were recorded on clay tablets in approximately 1700 BCE.

**Tracy:** Paper had not even been invented yet. And these stories--they come from all over the world.

**Percy:** Different regions all had different versions of the same myth, you know how, Australia had its own werewolf myth, Africa had its own werewolf myth, Europe had its own werewolf myth, Asia had its own werewolf myth, that there was something about that primal story that everyone could relate to throughout time.