Hooky
20. *Hooky*
Dialogue
Narrator: Fisherman have quite an effect on our undersea friends.
Squidward: SpongeBob, have you finished swabbing the deck?
SpongeBob: Almost. There's a nasty barnacle under table 9. (uses himself as a cleaning tool)
Mr. Krabs: (comes running through the front doors) They're back! They're back I tell ya! I saw it with my own eyes. (everyone looks at Mr. Krabs like he's crazy) The hooks. The hooks.
Customer #1: How about a mint?
Mr. Krabs: The hooks. The hooks.
Customer #2: Can you make that to go?
Squidward: You don't know how lucky you are. Mr. Krabs: The hooks. So there I was minding my own business...
Squidward: I'd love to hear one of your riveting sea tales, but I have to do my waste basket inspection. (puts a trash-can on his head) Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. There's one. Mr. Krabs: Fine, but don't say I didn't warn ya. SpongeBob: Warn 'em about what, Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs: The hooks, me bucko. They're back. Beware the hooks.
SpongeBob: The hooks?
Mr. Krabs: Aye. (shapes his arm like a hook) The hooks. They dangle down and draw you close with their pleasing shapes and their pink island colors. And just when you think you found the island of milk and honey they grab you by the britches... (grabs Scooter's pants and lifts high like he is giving him a wedgy) ...and haul you way up high. Then higher, and higher, and higher until you're hauled up to the surface flopping and gasping for air. And then they cook ya, and then they eat ya, or worse...
SpongeBob: (gasps) What could be worse than that?
Mr. Krabs: Gift shops. (shows gift shop)
SpongeBob: (hides under a box) Don't let 'em get me, Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs: There, there, boy. They won't get ya. Not as long as you listen to ol' Mr. Krabs. Now get back to the kitchen. Time is money.
SpongeBob: Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs.
Patrick: (pokes his head through one of the kitchen windows) Good morning, Krusty Krew.
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick.
Patrick: Guess what? The carnival's in town. C'mon, let's go. SpongeBob: I can't leave now. I'm working. Patrick: It's not leaving. It's just taking a break. (SpongeBob goes outside behind unseen) We're going to the carnival. We're going to the carni...(trips and falls on face) We're going to the carnival. We're going to the carnival. There it is, SpongeBob. The carnival is back in town. (many hooks are dangling) I'm gonna be first in line for everything! SpongeBob: Where is everybody?
Patrick: I don't know. There was one kid here, earlier.
SpongeBob: Doesn't look like any carnival I ever...(bumps into a hook) Excuse me. (gasps) Stop Patrick! Don't touch it! This isn't the carnival, Patrick. Those are hooks. Mr Krabs said they were really dangerous.
Patrick: (sits on a hook) Hmmm. I sense no danger here. How can they be dangerous? They're covered with free cheese! SpongeBob: All I know is that Mr. Krabs said...Patrick, don't do that! (Patrick is putting the cheese in his mouth) Patrick: Cheesy. No danger here. Go on, try it.
SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs said...
Patrick: SpongeBob, let me ask you something. (puts 9 hooks in his mouth and still has1 inhis hand) Does this look dangerous?
SpongeBob: Ahh, Patrick, don't! Patrick: Lighten up, will ya? Or do I have to eat all this cheese by mysel...(hooks pulls him up)
SpongeBob: (gasps) Patrick! Help! Oh, Patrick, help! Oh, Patrick, come back. Oh, my best friend. (Patrick floats down and SpongeBob runs into him as he hits the ground) Patrick, you're alive. Patrick: Am I ever. You should try it.
SpongeBob: But...what about the surface, and your britches, and the gift shops.
Patrick: You just jump off before you get too high.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs said I shouldn't get near those things. Patrick: Did he say you shouldn't climb on top of them and ride them like a horsy. SpongeBob: Well, no.
Patrick: Wheeee.
SpongeBob: I guess he didn't. (joins Patrick on the hook)
Patrick: Hi Ho, Silverfish. Away! (hook pulls him up)
SpongeBob: Ready?
Patrick: Ready.
SpongeBob & Patrick: Geronimo! (jump off)
SpongeBob: This is more fun than double overtime at the Krusty Krab. (shows real fisherman)
Customer #1: P.U., you call this food?
Customer #2: My sandwich taste like a fried boot.
Customer #3: My sandwich is a fried boot.
Customer #4: Hurry it up, will ya? We're hungry over here. Look at us. My kids haven't eaten in three days and I'm dying. That's not how you're supposed to flip it. (everyone argues)
Squidward: Why do you wanna eat this stuff, anyway?
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, what the halibut is going on in here?
Squidward: It's a feeding frenzy, sir. And SpongeBob's not back from his break. (Mr. Krabs laughs) What?
Mr. Krabs: I thought you said SpongeBob was taking a break. No one's taking a break at the Krusty Krab since the Chum Famine of '59. (laughs) Now, what were you saying?
Squidward: He took a break.
Mr. Krabs: Alright, SpongeBob LazyPants, I'll find ya. This nose can smell laziness up to 10,000 leagues. (uses his nose to smell) Aha! I'll give you a break you'll not soon forget. Squidward: But Mr. Krabs, I still need help! (all the customers pick up Squidward like they are a mob)
Mr. Krabs: (uses his nose to smell again) They should be right here. (SpongeBob & Patrick float down as they are laughing) Patrick: Again?
SpongeBob: Again!
Mr. Krabs: The hooks! No!
No!
No!
SpongeBob & Patrick: (pulling on hook) 1, 2, 3... Mr. Krabs: Wait! Wait!
SpongeBob & Patrick: ...blastoff. (hook pulls them up as Mr. Krabs slams into a rock)
Mr. Krabs: Boys. I wasn't quick enough. They're gone! If I can only hold them in me arms again, I'd...I'd...(SpongeBob & Patrick float back down while laughing)...I'd throttle 'em. What did I tell you about those hooks, boy?
SpongeBob: I...I...I...
Patrick: I'll tell you about the hooks. You ride 'em up, and up, and up, and gently flow down. Mr. Krabs: And do you know what happens when you don't float back down? SpongeBob: Gift shop?
Mr. Krabs: Worse! You end up vacuum-packed in a can of tuna. (shows a can of tuna) With nothing to look forward to but the smell of mayonnaise. (shows a jar of mayo)
SpongeBob & Patrick: We're sorry, Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs: I want you boys to promise me you'll never go on those hooks again. SpongeBob & Patrick: (raises hands) We promise Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs: I need a sailor's promise. Repeat after me: Yo-ho, yo-ho, near the hooks I'll never go. SpongeBob & Patrick: Yo-ho, yo-ho, near the hooks we'll never go. (hook pokes Mr. Krabs in the behind)
Mr. Krabs: Yow!! Mother of pearl. Fire on the poop deck.
SpongeBob & Patrick: Ahh! Mother of pearl. Fire on the poop deck.
Mr. Krabs: Whoa. Whew. Alright then. Let's get out of this death trap. SpongeBob: Ok, Gary. Today is a new day. I'm ready to prove myself loyal to Mr Krabs. Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: I'm ready! (comes running out of house) I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready, ready, ready. I'm ready. Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, you're going the wrong way. SpongeBob: I always go to work this way.
Patrick: You're not going to work today. We're going to go play hooky! SpongeBob: But, Patrick, we promised.
Patrick: Well I had my fingers crossed.
SpongeBob: You don't have any fingers, Patrick. Patrick: Well that Mr. Krabs is just a big dummy. We played on those hooks all day long and nothing happened to us.
SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs said...
Patrick: Look, SpongeBob, are you gonna listen to a big dummy, or are you gonna listen to me?
SpongeBob: Umm...
Patrick: See ya later, SpongeBob. I'm going to go have some fun. (Patrick goes up and down the hooks) You know you want to.
SpongeBob: Ooh, I know I want to, but I promised Mr. Krabs that I wouldn't go near another... (almost runs into a hook. Gasps) ...hook! (almost touches the hook but takes it back) Oh no! Mr. Krabs told me all about you. You are a liar. A deceiver. I'll never fall for your tricks again. Never! (goes back to hook) Is this seat taken? (hook takes him up but when he comes down and turns around, we are shown he is hooked at the pants) Whew. Glad I got that out of my system. (gasps) I'm...hooked. And that means... (shows can of tuna opening with SpongeBob's face in the can. SpongeBob screams) Help! I'm hooked! Help! Mr. Krabs! Help! It happened! I'm hooked! Oh, no! The hook! The hook! Gift shop, tuna can, mayonnaise!
Mr. Krabs: Here you go,Pearl. Free water for all your little friends.
Pearl: Thanks, dad.
Mr. Krabs: Just don't forget to leave a tip for ol' Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob: Psst, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! You're two minutes late. What kept you, lade?
SpongeBob: Um, you know those hooks we were talking about yesterday?
Mr. Krabs: Didn't I tell you not to go near those hooks? SpongeBob: Umm...no. (hook pulls him a little closer) I mean yes, yes, you told me not to go near them.
Mr. Krabs: Well, you weren't playing on those hooks, were you lade? SpongeBob: Of course not. (hook pulls him a little closer) I mean, not exactly. (hook pulls him a little closer) I mean, yes, yes I did it. I admit it. (cries) Oh, Mr. Krabs. I'm so ashamed. I mean, look at me. I'm hooked! Mr. Krabs: Hmmm, it's in there pretty deep. SpongeBob: What am I going to do?
Mr. Krabs: There's only one thing to do, boy. (group of girls laugh. SpongeBob looks at his pants)
SpongeBob: Oh no, Mr. Krabs. I can't take off my pants. Not in front of all these girls. (hook pulls him closer) Doh, ok. I'm taking 'em off. I'mtaking 'em off. (takes pants off) There.
Mr. Krabs: Uhh...lad? (SpongeBob still has his underwear on. Girls laughs)
SpongeBob: Ahh! Oh no. Oh no, no, no, Mr. Krabs. I can't do it! Anything but that!
Mr. Krabs: I understand. You were a good little fry cook, SpongeBob. (puts up Help Wanted sign on window/door. SpongeBob gasps) But, we'll find another. Hopefully one that will listen to ol' Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob: (hook pulls him a little closer) Oh, Mr. Krabs. I'll listen. I promise. Please save me, Mr. Krabs. (cries) I promise I'll be good. (underwear tears) Whew. (flees into the door naked)
Girls: Ooh, look! (laughs) It's SpongeBob NudeyPants. (SpongeBob screams and runs)
Squidward: Well, that was more of SpongeBob than I needed to see.
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, that was some fine angling. Do you think the lad has learned his lesson?
Squidward: Oh, I think he'll remember this for a long time. I know I will. (both laugh)
Patrick: (bus drops off a can of tuna) Hello? Does somebody have a can opener?
