Stupid Sh*t Runners Say
Us runners,
we talk in our very own language about things like gait analysis and Jeffing,
disgusting bodily functions and toilet stories and say words like fartlek completely
sincerely, without even breaking stride.
In fact, if you're not used to the running lingo, it can sound completely absurd.
And the stuff that runners come up with in the wild, in their own natural habitat,
bordering ridiculous.
Here are some of the most bizarre things runners come up with.
Perhaps you've said some of these? It's OK,
no judgement here, much.
Let us know in the comments
if any of these sound like you.
Now that parkrun is back after it shut down during the pandemic,
many of us have been toeing the start lines each week.
Even Ralph's been getting in on the action.
And if you've ever been to parkrun before, you've probably overheard some of these from your fellow runners.
Parkrun day!
No, I need my barcode.
I forgot my barcode.
I'm so close to getting my t-shirt.
Better get it. Hi,
yeah, I just ran parkrun this morning, and unfortunately, my watch is
saying that your route is 4.89, which is obviously not five K and means it's a
little bit short.
Did you measure it properly? When people ask me about my proudest running achievements,
you'd think I might mention the Olympics.
But there's nothing like remembering that day back in Bushy Park,
when I ran the parkrun record. My watch says that
that route was 5.36k.
If it had been the right length, I'm sure I'd have got a PB.
I did a sprint finish at the end.
The opening round of applause gives me all the feels.
Oh, the newbies.
I remember my first parkrun.
I've been every week since, and that was four years ago now.
Obviously, the best thing about parkrun is that it's not about the speed.
Have you ever been a little bit too cocky when you're out on your run and said something like this? Just warming up.
I only signed up for this race yesterday.
I just want a little bit of spontaneous fun really.
It's only 10K.
I can do that without any training.
Why is it so hard?
And then there are those particularly annoying runners
who say things like this.
I mean, I ran a PB, but I've definitely got more in the tank.
I know what's gonna help my running - doing some research. Reading and learning and
watching about running is bound to go in.
Who should I watch?
I know - Nick Symmonds.
Do you think we should do a video with Nick Symmonds?
Well, if you think so, tag him in the comments below, and let us know.
Now why is it that runners like to talk, think, breathe running?
And how many hours do you think you might have spent consuming running-related content? For me,
I don't even want to think about it.
I think that would be too embarrassing.
But now here are some of the things that we've heard about people trying to find out everything
it's possible to know about running.
You're not a runner unless you've read this book.
Do you find that all the things that you listen to whilst you're running are about running?
All of my podcast recommendations are by runners, for runners, about running.
Oooh, Spotify recommends The Way of the Runner.
Think I'll add that one to my playlist.
That's a day well spent, although I actually didn't make it out to do a run.
Runners love to talk marathons.
We love to chat about them.
We love to tweet about them, and some of us even like to say stuff while we're running
them. Here are some of the stupid sh-tuff that runners
say about marathons. 1.5 parkruns down, seven parkruns to go.
Ah, yes, the parkrun, a renowned metric unit of
distance.
Running a marathon is such an incredible achievement, but you're still a runner if you haven't run a marathon.
That's the mantra that I repeat to myself, at least.
Six parkruns down, 2.5 parkruns to go.
Have you seen the giant dinosaur?
Never knew dinosaurs could run, to be honest.
Why is it that the weather never does what we want it to do?
It's either too hot, too cold, too wet, blowing a gale or too muddy to get a
decent grip when we're out running.
But regardless of what the weather is doing, one thing's for sure, and that's the runners will have
something to say about it.
Mm, I don't think I've ever been this cold in my life.
My muscles are never going to warm up.
Oh, it's a bit windy.
Looks like it's gonna rain.
That's going to slow me down.
How am I supposed to run well in these conditions?
Tell you what I could do with right now is a bit of snow.
I love running in snow.
So refreshing.
If I keep running in this direction, I think the wind's going to help me get a PB.
Might need a taxi home, though.
Now, why is it that every time you head out on a long run, nature calls?
What can you do? When you gotta go, you gotta go.
And I could probably give you my entire potted running history through different loo stops.
I mean, up here on the right, had to stop for emergency pee.
Interrupted by a tractor, little bit embarrassing.
Then up here on the left.
Well, let's leave that one unsaid. I remember the first time I lost a toenail.
I was weirdly proud.
One of the perils of a longer run
is bleeding nipples.
I'm sensible now.
Running Channel Red hides all sorts of disasters.
My most recent running achievement is perfecting my snot rocket.
See? Just did one. Bet you even didn't notice.
My leg hurts so badly today.
Like really, really, really, really badly.
Like really, really, really.
I can't walk around the supermarket and do the weekly shop,
badly.
Really, really badly.
Might do strides this afternoon.
I never feel like I've gone hard enough in an interval session unless I've been sick afterwards.
Sometimes the only reason I train for a race is the carb loading.
Yum. You ever wondered how many gels is too many gels?
Well, I found out the hard way - if I have more than three gels on the trot, then that's exactly what I
get. The trots. Not what you need on a trail run, I can tell you that for free.
I love gels.
I've got so many favourites.
There are just so many great flavours out there.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
It's not exactly Michelin star dining, is it?
Some of them taste like laundry detergent.
Others like bonjela.
Oh, I wish I hadn't gone out last night.
A hangover is not good fuel for a run.
If my route didn't have traffic lights, I'd have set a PB for sure.
Sometimes it's really important to get into the zone on your run, but on other days, it's nice just to experience your surroundings.
Let your legs turn over, your mind run- dog,
dog, there's a dog, hi dog! Woohoo, done! Did have to run up and down
the road three times because otherwise it wouldn't have been 5K.
That's all right.
Maybe if I do my whole run downhill, I can set a new record?
Train harder to get quicker at running?
No chance.
Spend £250 on a pair of shoes that will do it for me?
Go on, then.
I have a love-hate relationship with my watch.
I love my watch and I watch hates me.
It keeps calling me unproductive.
How can I be unproductive again?
Ultras are easy.
They're just an all-day picnic.
Don't mind if I do. So, this is supposed to be a
100K race.
But I got a little bit lost and ended up doing a few extra Ks.
That's okay, though.
104K sounds better, right?
So it's official: us runners say some stupid shi...itake mushrooms.
Have you ever said any stupid s*? I mean, oh, sorry.
Let us know in the comments below.
Or maybe it reminds you of a friend who said something stupid as well.
Make sure you share it with them and let us know anything stupid you've said in the comments, and we'll see you next time on The Running Channel.
