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Voltaire's Candide or Optimism, Chapter 12

Chapter 12

XII THE ADVENTURES OF THE OLD WOMAN CONTINUED.

"Astonished and delighted to hear my native language, and no less surprised at what this man said, I made answer that there were much greater misfortunes than that of which he complained. I told him in a few words of the horrors which I had endured, and fainted a second time. He carried me to a neighbouring house, put me to bed, gave me food, waited upon me, consoled me, flattered me; he told me that he had never seen any one so beautiful as I, and that he never so much regretted the loss of what it was impossible to recover.

"'I was born at Naples,' said he, 'there they geld two or three thousand children every year; some die of the operation, others acquire a voice more beautiful than that of women, and others are raised to offices of state. [13] This operation was performed on me with great success and I was chapel musician to madam, the Princess of Palestrina.' "'To my mother!' cried I.

"'Your mother!' cried he, weeping. 'What! [Pg 49] can you be that young princess whom I brought up until the age of six years, and who promised so early to be as beautiful as you?' "'It is I, indeed; but my mother lies four hundred yards hence, torn in quarters, under a heap of dead bodies.' "I told him all my adventures, and he made me acquainted with his; telling me that he had been sent to the Emperor of Morocco by a Christian power, to conclude a treaty with that prince, in consequence of which he was to be furnished with military stores and ships to help to demolish the commerce of other Christian Governments. "'My mission is done,' said this honest eunuch; 'I go to embark for Ceuta, and will take you to Italy. Ma che sciagura d'essere senza coglioni! ' "I thanked him with tears of commiseration; and instead of taking me to Italy he conducted me to Algiers, where he sold me to the Dey. Scarcely was I sold, than the plague which had made the tour of Africa, Asia, and Europe, broke out with great malignancy in Algiers. You have seen earthquakes; but pray, miss, have you ever had the plague?" "Never," answered Cunegonde. "If you had," said the old woman, "you would acknowledge that it is far more terrible[Pg 50] than an earthquake. It is common in Africa, and I caught it. Imagine to yourself the distressed situation of the daughter of a Pope, only fifteen years old, who, in less than three months, had felt the miseries of poverty and slavery, had been ravished almost every day, had beheld her mother drawn in quarters, had experienced famine and war, and was dying of the plague in Algiers. I did not die, however, but my eunuch, and the Dey, and almost the whole seraglio of Algiers perished.

"As soon as the first fury of this terrible pestilence was over, a sale was made of the Dey's slaves; I was purchased by a merchant, and carried to Tunis; this man sold me to another merchant, who sold me again to another at Tripoli; from Tripoli I was sold to Alexandria, from Alexandria to Smyrna, and from Smyrna to Constantinople. At length I became the property of an Aga of the Janissaries, who was soon ordered away to the defence of Azof, then besieged by the Russians.

"The Aga, who was a very gallant man, took his whole seraglio with him, and lodged us in a small fort on the Palus Méotides, guarded by two black eunuchs and twenty soldiers. The Turks killed prodigious numbers of the Russians, but the latter had their revenge. Azof was destroyed by fire, the inhabitants put to[Pg 51] the sword, neither sex nor age was spared; until there remained only our little fort, and the enemy wanted to starve us out. The twenty Janissaries had sworn they would never surrender. The extremities of famine to which they were reduced, obliged them to eat our two eunuchs, for fear of violating their oath. And at the end of a few days they resolved also to devour the women.

"We had a very pious and humane Iman, who preached an excellent sermon, exhorting them not to kill us all at once. "'Only cut off a buttock of each of those ladies,' said he, 'and you'll fare extremely well; if you must go to it again, there will be the same entertainment a few days hence; heaven will accept of so charitable an action, and send you relief.' "He had great eloquence; he persuaded them; we underwent this terrible operation. The Iman applied the same balsam to us, as he does to children after circumcision; and we all nearly died.

"Scarcely had the Janissaries finished the repast with which we had furnished them, than the Russians came in flat-bottomed boats; not a Janissary escaped. The Russians paid no attention to the condition we were in. There are French surgeons in all parts of the world; one[Pg 52] of them who was very clever took us under his care—he cured us; and as long as I live I shall remember that as soon as my wounds were healed he made proposals to me. He bid us all be of good cheer, telling us that the like had happened in many sieges, and that it was according to the laws of war.

"As soon as my companions could walk, they were obliged to set out for Moscow. I fell to the share of a Boyard who made me his gardener, and gave me twenty lashes a day. But this nobleman having in two years' time been broke upon the wheel along with thirty more Boyards for some broils at court, I profited by that event; I fled. I traversed all Russia; I was a long time an inn-holder's servant at Riga, the same at Rostock, at Vismar, at Leipzig, at Cassel, at Utrecht, at Leyden, at the Hague, at Rotterdam. I waxed old in misery and disgrace, having only one-half of my posteriors, and always remembering I was a Pope's daughter. A hundred times I was upon the point of killing myself; but still I loved life. This ridiculous foible is perhaps one of our most fatal characteristics; for is there anything more absurd than to wish to carry continually a burden which one can always throw down? to detest existence and yet to cling to one's existence? in brief, to caress[Pg 53] the serpent which devours us, till he has eaten our very heart?

"In the different countries which it has been my lot to traverse, and the numerous inns where I have been servant, I have taken notice of a vast number of people who held their own existence in abhorrence, and yet I never knew of more than eight who voluntarily put an end to their misery; three negroes, four Englishmen, and a German professor named Robek. [14] I ended by being servant to the Jew, Don Issachar, who placed me near your presence, my fair lady. I am determined to share your fate, and have been much more affected with your misfortunes than with my own. I would never even have spoken to you of my misfortunes, had you not piqued me a little, and if it were not customary to tell stories on board a ship in order to pass away the time. In short, Miss Cunegonde, I have had experience, I know the world; therefore I advise you to divert yourself, and prevail upon each passenger to tell his story; and if there be one of them all, that has not cursed his life many a time, that has not frequently looked upon himself as the unhappiest of mortals, I give you leave to throw me headforemost into the sea."

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Chapter 12

XII THE ADVENTURES OF THE OLD WOMAN CONTINUED.

"Astonished and delighted to hear my native language, and no less surprised at what this man said, I made answer that there were much greater misfortunes than that of which he complained. «Étonné et ravi d'entendre ma langue maternelle, et non moins surpris de ce que cet homme a dit, j'ai répondu qu'il y avait des malheurs bien plus grands que celui dont il se plaignait. I told him in a few words of the horrors which I had endured, and fainted a second time. He carried me to a neighbouring house, put me to bed, gave me food, waited upon me, consoled me, flattered me; he told me that he had never seen any one so beautiful as I, and that he never so much regretted the loss of what it was impossible to recover. Il m'a porté dans une maison voisine, m'a mis au lit, m'a donné à manger, m'a servi, m'a consolé, m'a flatté; il m'a dit qu'il n'avait jamais vu personne d'aussi beau que moi, et qu'il n'avait jamais tant regretté la perte de ce qu'il était impossible de récupérer.

"'I was born at Naples,' said he, 'there they geld two or three thousand children every year; some die of the operation, others acquire a voice more beautiful than that of women, and others are raised to offices of state. |||||||||castrate|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| «- Je suis né à Naples, dit-il, là ils élèvent deux ou trois mille enfants chaque année; les uns meurent de l'opération, d'autres acquièrent une voix plus belle que celle des femmes, et d'autres sont élevés aux charges de l'Etat. [13] This operation was performed on me with great success and I was chapel musician to madam, the Princess of Palestrina.' [13] Cette opération a été exécutée sur moi avec un grand succès et j'étais musicien de chapelle pour Madame, la Princesse de Palestrina. "'To my mother!' cried I.

"'Your mother!' cried he, weeping. 'What! [Pg 49] can you be that young princess whom I brought up until the age of six years, and who promised so early to be as beautiful as you?' [Pg 49] peux-tu être cette jeune princesse que j'ai élevée jusqu'à l'âge de six ans, et qui a promis si tôt d'être aussi belle que toi? "'It is I, indeed; but my mother lies four hundred yards hence, torn in quarters, under a heap of dead bodies.' «C'est bien moi, mais ma mère est à quatre cents mètres d'ici, déchirée en quatre, sous un tas de cadavres. "I told him all my adventures, and he made me acquainted with his; telling me that he had been sent to the Emperor of Morocco by a Christian power, to conclude a treaty with that prince, in consequence of which he was to be furnished with military stores and ships to help to demolish the commerce of other Christian Governments. ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||armed forces||||||||||||| «Je lui ai raconté toutes mes aventures, et il m'a fait connaître les siennes, en me disant qu'il avait été envoyé à l'empereur du Maroc par une puissance chrétienne, pour conclure un traité avec ce prince, en conséquence de quoi il devait être fourni avec des magasins et des navires militaires pour aider à démolir le commerce des autres gouvernements chrétiens. "'My mission is done,' said this honest eunuch; 'I go to embark for Ceuta, and will take you to Italy. |||||||castrated man|||||||||||| «Ma mission est accomplie, dit cet honnête eunuque, je vais embarquer pour Ceuta, et je vous emmènerai en Italie. Ma che sciagura d’essere senza coglioni! ' Ah||||| "I thanked him with tears of commiseration; and instead of taking me to Italy he conducted me to Algiers, where he sold me to the Dey. ||||||sympathy or compassion|||||||||led me to|||||||||| Scarcely was I sold, than the plague which had made the tour of Africa, Asia, and Europe, broke out with great malignancy in Algiers. A peine étais-je vendu, que la peste qui avait fait le tour de l'Afrique, de l'Asie et de l'Europe éclata avec une grande malignité à Alger. You have seen earthquakes; but pray, miss, have you ever had the plague?" Vous avez vu des tremblements de terre; mais priez, mademoiselle, avez-vous déjà eu la peste? " "Never," answered Cunegonde. "If you had," said the old woman, "you would acknowledge that it is far more terrible[Pg 50] than an earthquake. It is common in Africa, and I caught it. C'est courant en Afrique et je l'ai attrapé. Imagine to yourself the distressed situation of the daughter of a Pope, only fifteen years old, who, in less than three months, had felt the miseries of poverty and slavery, had been ravished almost every day, had beheld her mother drawn in quarters, had experienced famine and war, and was dying of the plague in Algiers. Imaginez-vous la situation affligée de la fille d'un pape, âgée de quinze ans seulement, qui, en moins de trois mois, avait ressenti les misères de la pauvreté et de l'esclavage, avait été ravie presque tous les jours, avait vu sa mère tirée en quatre, avait connu la famine et la guerre, et mourait de la peste à Alger. I did not die, however, but my eunuch, and the Dey, and almost the whole seraglio of Algiers perished. |||||||||||||||harem||| Je ne mourrai pas cependant, mais mon eunuque, le Dey et presque tout le sérail d'Alger périrent.

"As soon as the first fury of this terrible pestilence was over, a sale was made of the Dey’s slaves; I was purchased by a merchant, and carried to Tunis; this man sold me to another merchant, who sold me again to another at Tripoli; from Tripoli I was sold to Alexandria, from Alexandria to Smyrna, and from Smyrna to Constantinople. At length I became the property of an Aga of the Janissaries, who was soon ordered away to the defence of Azof, then besieged by the Russians. Enfin je devins la propriété d'un Aga des janissaires, qui fut bientôt ordonné à la défense d'Azof, alors assiégé par les Russes.

"The Aga, who was a very gallant man, took his whole seraglio with him, and lodged us in a small fort on the Palus Méotides, guarded by two black eunuchs and twenty soldiers. |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||castrated men||| «L'Aga, qui était un homme très vaillant, a emporté tout son sérail avec lui, et nous a logés dans un petit fort du Palus Méotides, gardé par deux eunuques noirs et vingt soldats. The Turks killed prodigious numbers of the Russians, but the latter had their revenge. Les Turcs ont tué un nombre prodigieux de Russes, mais ces derniers ont eu leur revanche. Azof was destroyed by fire, the inhabitants put to[Pg 51] the sword, neither sex nor age was spared; until there remained only our little fort, and the enemy wanted to starve us out. Azof fut détruit par le feu, les habitants portèrent [Pg 51] l'épée, ni le sexe ni l'âge n'étaient épargnés; jusqu'à ce qu'il ne reste plus que notre petit fort, et l'ennemi a voulu nous affamer. The twenty Janissaries had sworn they would never surrender. ||elite soldiers|||||| Les vingt janissaires avaient juré qu'ils ne se rendraient jamais. The extremities of famine to which they were reduced, obliged them to eat our two eunuchs, for fear of violating their oath. |||||||||||||||||||breaking|| Les extrémités de la famine auxquelles ils étaient réduits, les obligeaient à manger nos deux eunuques, de peur de violer leur serment. And at the end of a few days they resolved also to devour the women.

"We had a very pious and humane Iman, who preached an excellent sermon, exhorting them not to kill us all at once. ||||devout|||imam|||||||||||||| «Nous avons eu un Iman très pieux et humain, qui a prêché un excellent sermon, les exhortant à ne pas nous tuer tous à la fois. "'Only cut off a buttock of each of those ladies,' said he, 'and you’ll fare extremely well; if you must go to it again, there will be the same entertainment a few days hence; heaven will accept of so charitable an action, and send you relief.' «- Coupez seulement une fesse à chacune de ces dames, dit-il, et vous vous en sortirez extrêmement bien; si vous devez y retourner, il y aura le même divertissement dans quelques jours; le ciel acceptera donc une action charitable, et vous envoyer un soulagement. "He had great eloquence; he persuaded them; we underwent this terrible operation. «Il avait une grande éloquence; il les a persuadés; nous avons subi cette terrible opération. The Iman applied the same balsam to us, as he does to children after circumcision; and we all nearly died. |||||balsam|||||||||circumcision||||| Le Iman nous a appliqué le même baume, comme il le fait aux enfants après la circoncision; et nous avons tous failli mourir.

"Scarcely had the Janissaries finished the repast with which we had furnished them, than the Russians came in flat-bottomed boats; not a Janissary escaped. |||||||||||||||||||||||elite soldiers| A peine les janissaires ont-ils fini le repas que nous leur avons fourni, que les Russes sont venus dans des bateaux à fond plat, pas un janissaire ne s'est échappé. The Russians paid no attention to the condition we were in. There are French surgeons in all parts of the world; one[Pg 52] of them who was very clever took us under his care—he cured us; and as long as I live I shall remember that as soon as my wounds were healed he made proposals to me. Il y a des chirurgiens français dans toutes les régions du monde; l'un d'eux [Pg 52] qui était très intelligent nous a pris sous sa garde - il nous a guéris; et tant que je vivrai, je me souviendrai que dès que mes blessures ont été guéries, il m'a fait des propositions. He bid us all be of good cheer, telling us that the like had happened in many sieges, and that it was according to the laws of war. |||||||||||||||||sieges|||||||||| Il nous a tous dit de bonne humeur, nous disant que la même chose s'était produite dans de nombreux sièges et que c'était selon les lois de la guerre.

"As soon as my companions could walk, they were obliged to set out for Moscow. «Dès que mes compagnons purent marcher, ils furent obligés de partir pour Moscou. I fell to the share of a Boyard who made me his gardener, and gave me twenty lashes a day. |||||||landowner||||||||||strikes|| Je suis tombé à la part d'un boyard qui faisait de moi son jardinier et me donnait vingt coups de fouet par jour. But this nobleman having in two years' time been broke upon the wheel along with thirty more Boyards for some broils at court, I profited by that event; I fled. ||||||||||||||||||||conflicts||court||||||| Mais ce noble ayant en deux ans été brisé sur la roue avec trente autres Boyards pour quelques grils à la cour, j'ai profité de cet événement; Je me suis enfui. I traversed all Russia; I was a long time an inn-holder’s servant at Riga, the same at Rostock, at Vismar, at Leipzig, at Cassel, at Utrecht, at Leyden, at the Hague, at Rotterdam. J'ai traversé toute la Russie; J'ai longtemps été domestique d'auberge à Riga, le même à Rostock, à Vismar, à Leipzig, à Cassel, à Utrecht, à Leyde, à La Haye, à Rotterdam. I waxed old in misery and disgrace, having only one-half of my posteriors, and always remembering I was a Pope’s daughter. |||||||||||||buttocks|||||||| J'ai vieilli dans la misère et la disgrâce, n'ayant que la moitié de mes postérieurs, et me rappelant toujours que j'étais la fille d'un pape. A hundred times I was upon the point of killing myself; but still I loved life. This ridiculous foible is perhaps one of our most fatal characteristics; for is there anything more absurd than to wish to carry continually a burden which one can always throw down? ||quirk|||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Ce foible ridicule est peut-être l'une de nos caractéristiques les plus fatales; car n'y a-t-il rien de plus absurde que de vouloir porter continuellement un fardeau qu'on peut toujours jeter? to detest existence and yet to cling to one’s existence? détester l'existence et pourtant s'accrocher à son existence? in brief, to caress[Pg 53] the serpent which devours us, till he has eaten our very heart?

"In the different countries which it has been my lot to traverse, and the numerous inns where I have been servant, I have taken notice of a vast number of people who held their own existence in abhorrence, and yet I never knew of more than eight who voluntarily put an end to their misery; three negroes, four Englishmen, and a German professor named Robek. |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||intense dislike||||||||||||||||||||||||||| «Dans les différents pays que j'ai eu le sort de parcourir, et les nombreuses auberges où j'ai été serviteur, j'ai remarqué un grand nombre de personnes qui tenaient leur propre existence en horreur, et pourtant je n'ai jamais connu plus que huit qui ont volontairement mis fin à leur misère, trois nègres, quatre Anglais et un professeur allemand nommé Robek. [14] I ended by being servant to the Jew, Don Issachar, who placed me near your presence, my fair lady. I am determined to share your fate, and have been much more affected with your misfortunes than with my own. Je suis déterminé à partager votre sort et j'ai été beaucoup plus touché par vos malheurs que par le mien. I would never even have spoken to you of my misfortunes, had you not piqued me a little, and if it were not customary to tell stories on board a ship in order to pass away the time. Je ne vous aurais même jamais parlé de mes malheurs, si vous ne m'aviez pas un peu piqué, et s'il n'était pas d'usage de raconter des histoires à bord d'un bateau pour passer le temps. In short, Miss Cunegonde, I have had experience, I know the world; therefore I advise you to divert yourself, and prevail upon each passenger to tell his story; and if there be one of them all, that has not cursed his life many a time, that has not frequently looked upon himself as the unhappiest of mortals, I give you leave to throw me headforemost into the sea." ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||most unhappy||||||||||headfirst||| Bref, Miss Cunégonde, j'ai eu de l'expérience, je connais le monde; c'est pourquoi je vous conseille de vous distraire et de persuader chaque passager de raconter son histoire; et s'il y en a un de tous, qui n'a pas maudit sa vie maintes fois, qui ne s'est pas souvent considéré comme le plus malheureux des mortels, je vous donne la permission de me jeter la tête la première dans la mer.