Episode 03 - part 02
[clucks]
[all cheering]
Wow. That is the most fun I've ever had without remembering a single moment of it. [man] Ma'am, you're coming with us. You'll have to take me, too, 'cause I live here now. [Bean grunts]
We've heard about you. Word 'round the gutter is you're a right proper villain. 'Course, I'm not threatened by that. Women gotta support women.
Crime is male-dominated, innit?
If this world were run by women, there wouldn't be so much crime. So our crime, yeah, is one for the ages.
A real legendary caper. We could use your help.
Well, I'll have to confer with my associates first. [whispering] Guys, think we should do this?
I've never done anything bad before. I've never done anything good before. I want to be bad. I always admired Bad Elfo.
Bad Elfo doesn't really exist. I would rather hang out with Bad Elfo.
Okay, I'm gonna tell them yes. That was a yes, right?
Yes.
[stammers] I only got in trouble once, and, uh,
Daddy Elfo, um, slapped me on the bum-bum.
[in normal voice] Uh, yeah, we're open to it. So, uh, what exactly are we heisting?
Potatoes.
Whoa. Hardcore.
Hardcore is right.
I been a potato thief ever since
me dad never came back from the Lemon Crusades.
So, actual potatoes. Like from a garden.
Yeah, that's where they hide 'em. Have you considered stealing things of value?
'Cause Bean here knows where real treasures are buried. I know exactly what he's talking about. So what exactly are you talking about?
Trust me. I haven't led you astray in minutes. [all grunt]
[straining]
Okay, I guess I'm gonna do this, unless someone talks me out of it. Hoodlums? Bad friend? Ignorant elf?
There's a lot of sexual tension between us. All right. Wish me luck.
-[screams and grunts] -[objects clatter]
[Luci] Good luck.
The family crypt.
So this is where I'll end up one day. Buried. Forgotten. Worm food.
Oh, this is a bad time to be coming down off of that high.
Oh, my sweet Bee-Baw.
Remember when you used to sit me on your lap and tell me stories?
Well, I'm in a gang now, and I gotta take your crown. And your necklace. And didn't you have... [squeaking]
[snaps]
Sometimes when you pull off your grandma's jaw, it really makes you stop and wonder. Am I doing the right--
Come on! This is a burglary, not a family reunion.
Okay, that's everything! Whoa. Think of how many potatoes we could get with this.
If I spend any more time with my family
they'll start asking why I'm not married. So you wanna drop me that rope?
[grunts and sighs]
Just so you know,
I would've done the same thing if you were a man. Now!
-[Elfo and Luci grunt] -[thud]
[all laugh]
[Luci] So, when are you getting married?
[bell tolling]
Hear ye, hear ye. Royal court is now in session.
Ah.
Let's have a look at this no-good pile of scum. Starting at the feet.
Mud-covered crime boots.
Legs muscled by years on the run.
Obviously stolen belt. Nondescript torso.
Moving up to the face area.
Uh, weak chin, buck teeth, and... Whoa!
Hi, Dad.
What the... You tryin' to tell me my little girl is this guy? There is no way you're gonna convince me my daughter is a criminal. Presenting victims one through nine.
God damn it!
[indistinct murmurs]
[clucking]
Look, I know I went a tad wild,
but what do you expect from someone who's got no control over her own destiny? So I turned to booze, drugs and my evil little friend.
[speaking through teeth] Oh, my God, shut up.
Your weird cat? I'll pulverize him. I'll pet him in the wrong direction. I'll put a cucumber beside him. That drives them crazy.
No, no, no, not him. I meant--
She meant me. I'm so bad. Oh, I'm bad. No, you're not. You're a marshmallow with legs. -[babbling] -[chuckling]
[laughing] Stop!
[sighs] Well, I got into some shenanigans in my day,
but my mom never lost her head.
We recovered this.
Oh, that's Mom's head. [gasps] Mom's head? Your daughter was caught ransacking the royal tomb.
You stole stuff from our dead family?
Oh, I don't even know what to yell at you. You take it.
Why you... I oughta... If I weren't so fat, I'd-- Shut up! She gets the point.
Bean, go to your room while we decide what to do with you.
And take Elfo, so I know you're not having any fun. This has got to stop.
[chuckles] Oh, come on, you know you enjoyed it.
[chuckles]
Yeah. But it's gotta stop. What? Nuh-uh. I'm your demon, baby. We're magically linked, like lollipops and rug fuzz. [slurping] It's fine. Listen, just stay away from me for a while, okay?
Go ruin someone else's life. Huh. Okay. [sniffles] Maybe I will.
-[Elfo] Ow! -[chuckles] Now I feel better.
What the hell's wrong with my daughter? She's like a one-man wrecking woman. According to the holy books, your first mistake was educating her.
The sheer defiance of reason and decorum
leads me to believe that Tiabeanie is what they now call a teenager.
That don't exactly explain why she desecrated sacred remains. Don't worry, Ma. I won't let her get away with it. Oh, we can spout crazy theories all day,
but science suggests a more logical explanation:
That Bean is possessed by a demon!
Oh, no, they're on to us. They'll know exactly what we're up to. You don't even know what we're up to. Oh, every day you say you'll tell me and you never do. [Bean] Where are you taking me?
A real nice place with ponies, or whatever crap you like.
Oh, come in. Come in.
Make yourself comfortable on the dissection table.
What are you talking about? And why are you here?
Having a cookie, making blood.
You'll be fine, sweetie. Strap her down.
Now, don't worry. The straps are just for my safety
as I flush out your demon.
[gasps] Wait, you know about the demon?
Of course! With my scientific training, it was rather obvious.
[Luci] Meow, guys. What up?
Ah, your talking cat's here to keep you company. Now, let's find that demon. [coughs]
That's it, dear. Cough out your demon.
Cough it out like a demonic loogie.
[coughing]
This powerful lodestone
will extract the demon using magnetraction.
Ooh. Ah.
Ow!
Hey. Look at us hanging out on the floor together.
