Liber Primus - pars 2 Buch Eins - Teil 2 The First Book - part 2 O primeiro livro - parte 2

Confiteor tibi, Domine coeli et terræ, laudem dicens tibi de primordiis et infantia mea quæ non memini; et dedisti ea homini ex aliis de se conjicere, et auctoritatibus etiam muliercularum multa de se credere. Ich bekenne dich, Herr des Himmels und der Erde, und lobe dich von meiner frühesten Zeit und meiner Kindheit, an die ich mich nicht erinnere; und du hast sie einem Mann gegeben, um sie von anderen abzustoßen und an die Texte vieler Frauen über ihn zu glauben. I confess to you, Lord of heaven and earth, saying praise to you from my earliest days and my childhood, which I do not remember; and you gave them to a man to cast them off from others, and to believe in the texts of many women about him. Eram enim et vivebam etiam tunc, et signa, quibus sensa mea nota aliis facerem, jam in fine infantiæ quærebam. For I was and lived even then, and the signs by which I might make my feelings known to others, was already at the end of infancy. Unde hoc tale animal nisi abs te, Domine? Whence is this such animal, except from Thee, O Lord? An quisquam se faciendi erit artifex? Will anyone be a self-made artist? Aut ulla vena trahitur aliunde, qua esse et vivere currat in nos, præterquam quod tu facis nos, Domine, cui esse et vivere non aliud atque aliud est; quia summe esse, atque summe vivere idipsum es? Or is any vein drawn from elsewhere by which being and living run into us, apart from what you do for us, Lord, to whom being and living are not one and the same thing; because you are the same to be and to live? Summus enim es, et non mutaris; neque peragitur in te hodiernus dies, et tamen in te peragitur, quia in te sunt et ista omnia: non enim haberent vias transeundi, nisi contineres ea. For you are supreme, and you do not change; nor is this day passed in thee, and yet it is passed in thee, because all these things are in thee: for they would have no way of passing, unless thou hadst kept them. Et quoniam anni tui non deficiunt, anni tui hodiernus dies: et quam multi jam dies nostri et patrum nostrorum per hodiernum tuum transierunt, et ex illo acceperunt modos, et utcumque exstiterunt, et transibunt adhuc alii, et accipient, et utcumque existent! And since your years do not fail, the present day of your year: and how many days of ours and our fathers have already passed through your present day, and received from it methods, and however they existed, and still others will pass, and receive, and however they exist! Tu autem idem ipse es; et omnia crastina atque ultra, omniaque hesterna et retro hodie facies, hodie fecisti. But you are the same; and everything you will do tomorrow and beyond, and everything you will do yesterday and back today, you have done today. Quid ad me, si quis non intelligat? What should I do if someone does not understand? Gaudeat et ipse, dicens: Quid est hoc? Let him also rejoice, saying: What is this? Gaudeat etiam sic; et amet non inveniendo invenire potius, quam inveniendo non invenire te. Let him rejoice even so; and it is better to find by not finding than not to find yourself by finding.

Exaudi, Deus. Hear, O God. Væ peccatis hominum! Woe to the sins of men! Et homo dicit hæc, et misereris ejus; quoniam tu fecisti eum, et peccatum non fecisti in eo. And a man says these things, and you will have mercy on him; since you made him, and did not commit sin in him. Quis me commemorat peccatum infantiæ meæ? Who reminds me of the sin of my childhood? Quoniam nemo mundus a peccato coram te, nec infans cujus est unius diei vita super terram. For no one is clean from sin before you, not even a child whose life is but one day on earth. Quis me commemorat? Who remembers me? An quilibet tantillus nunc parvulus, in quo video quod non memini de me? Or is anyone so small now, in which I see that I do not remember myself? Quid ergo tunc peccabam? What then was I doing wrong? An quia uberibus inhiabam plorans? Was it because I was holding my breasts and crying? Nam si nunc faciam, non quidem uberibus, sed escæ congruenti annis meis ita inhians, deridebor atque reprehendar justissime. For if I do it now, not indeed with my breasts, but with the meat which is suitable to my years, I shall be laughed at and reproached with great justice. Tunc ergo reprehendenda faciebam: sed quia reprehendentem intelligere non poteram; nec mos reprehendi me, nec ratio sinebat. At that time, therefore, I was reproving, but because I could not understand the reprover; I was not criticized by the customer, nor did reason permit. Nam exstirpamus et ejicimus ista crescentes. For we root out and cast out those growing things. Nec vidi quemquam scientem; cum aliquid purgat, bona projicere. Nor did I see anyone who knew; when he cleans something, throw things away. An pro tempore etiam illa bona erant, flendo petere etiam quod noxie daretur; indignari acriter non subjectis hominibus, liberis et majoribus, hisque a quibus genitus est, multisque præterea prudentioribus non ad nutum voluntatis obtemperantibus; feriendo nocere niti quantum potest, quia non obeditur imperiis quibus perniciose obediretur? Were those good things for the time being, to ask with tears even for what was harmfully given? to be bitterly indignant at men who are not subject to him, his children and elders, and those from whom he was born, and many, moreover, who are more prudent and do not obey the dictates of his will; Strive to hurt as much as he can by striking, because he does not obey orders which he would obey destructively? Ita imbecillitas membrorum infantilium innocens est, non animus infantium. Thus the infirmity of infantile limbs is innocent, not the mind of infants. Vidi ego et expertus sum zelantem parvulum: nondum loquebatur, et intuebatur pallidus amaro aspectu collactaneum suum. I saw and experienced the little one who was zealous: he had not yet spoken, and was looking with a pale, bitter look at his companion. Quis hoc ignorat? Who does not know this? Expiare se dicunt ista matres atque nutrices nescio quibus remediis. I do not know by what means these mothers and nurses say they are expiating themselves. Nisi vero et ista innocentia est, in fonte lactis ubertim manante atque abundante, opis egentissimum, et illo adhuc uno alimento vitam ducentem, consortem non pati. Unless, indeed, this innocence too, in the spring of milk flowing richly and abundantly, most in need of wealth, and still leading life by that one food, should not suffer a companion. Sed blande tolerantur hæc, non quia nulla vel parva, sed quia ætatis accessu peritura sunt. Quod licet probes, cum ferri æquo animo eadem ipsa non possunt, quando in aliquo annosiore deprehenduntur. Although the proofs, when ironed with an equal mind, cannot be the same, when they are found in something older.

Tu itaque, Domine Deus meus, qui dedisti vitam infanti, et corpus, quod ita ut videmus instruxisti sensibus, compegisti membris, figura decorasti, proque ejus universitate atque incolumitate omnes conatus animantis insinuasti; jubes me laudare te in istis et confiteri tibi, et psallere nomini tuo Altissime: quia Deus es omnipotens et bonus, etiamsi sola ista fecisses, quæ nemo alius potest facere, nisi tu, une, a quo est omnis modus; formosissime, qui formas omnia, et lege tua ordinas omnia. You, then, O Lord my God, who gave life to the child, and the body which, as we see, you furnished with senses, united with members, adorned with form, and for its totality and safety you instilled all the endeavors of animating; You command me to praise you in these and to confess to you and to sing praises to your Most High name: because you are an all-powerful and good God, even if you had only done these things, which no one else can do, except you, alone, from whom all means are; most beautiful, who forms all things, and orders all things by your law. Hanc ergo ætatem, Domine, qua me vixisse non memini, de qua aliis credidi, et quam me egisse ex aliis infantibus conjeci, quanquam ista multum fida conjectura sit, piget me annumerare huic vitæ meæ, qua vivo in hoc sæculo. Quantum enim attinet ad oblivionis meas tenebras, par illi est qua vixi in matris utero. Quod si et in iniquitate conceptus sum et in peccatis me mater mea in uteru aluit; ubi, oro te, Deus meus, ubi, Domine, ego servus tuus, ubi aut quando innocens fui? Sed ecce omitto illud tempus: et quid mihi jam cum eo est, eujus nulla vestigia recolo?

Nonne ab infantia huc pergens veni in pueritiam; vel potius ipsa in me venit, et successit infantiæ? Nec discessit illa: quo enim abiit? et tamen jam non erat. Non enim eram infans qui non farer, sed jam puer loquens eram. Et memini hoc; et unde loqui didicerim, post adverti. Non enim docebant me majores homines præbentes mihi verba certo aliquo ordine doctrinæ, sicut paulo post litteras: sed ego ipse mente quam dedisti mihi, Deus meus, cum gemitibus et vocibus variis, et variis membrorum motibus edere vellem sensa cordis mei ut voluntati pareretur, nec valerem quæ volebam omnia, nec quibus volebam omnibus, præsonabam memoria; cum ipsi appellabant rem aliquam, et cum secundum eam vocem corpus ad aliquid movebant, videbam et tenebam hoc ab eis vocari rem illam, quod sonabant, cum eam vellent ostendere. Hoc autem eos velle ex motu corporis aperiebatur, tanquam verbis naturalibus omnium gentium, quæ fiunt vultu et nutu oculorum, cæterorumque membrorum actu, et sonitu vocis indicante affectionem animi, in petendis, habendis, rejiciendis, fugiendisve rebus. Ita verba in variis sententiis, locis suis posita, et crebro audita, quarum rerum signa essent, paulatim colligebam, measque jam voluntates edomito in eis signis ore, per hæc enuntiabam. Sic cum his inter quos eram, voluntatum enuntiandarum signa communicavi, et vitæ humanæ procellosam societatem altius ingressus sum, pendens ex parentum auctoritate, nutuque majorum hominum.

Deus, Deus meus, quas ibi miserias expertus sum et ludificationes! quandoquidem recte mihi vivere puero id proponebatur, obtemperare monentibus, ut in hoc sæculo florerem, et excellerem linguosis artibus, ad honorem hominum et falsas divitias famulantibus. Inde in scholam datus sum ut discerem litteras, in quibus quid utilitatis esse ignorabam miser, et tamen si segnis in discendo essem, vapulabam. Laudabatur enim hoc a majoribus; et multi ante nos vitam istam agentes, præstruxerant ærumnosas vias, per quas transire cogebamur, multiplicato labore et dolore filiis Adam. Invenimus autem, Domine, homines rogantes te; et didicimus ab eis, sentientes te, ut poteramus, esse magnum aliquem, qui posses, etiam non apparens sensibus nostris, exaudire nos et subvenire nobis. Nam puer coepi rogare te, auxilium et refugium meum; et in tuam invocationem rumpebam nodos linguæ meæ; et rogabam te parvus, non parvo affectu, ne in schola vapularem. Et cum me non exaudiebas, quod non erat ad insipientiam mihi, ridebantur a majoribus hominibus, usque ab ipsis parentibus, qui mihi accidere mali nihil volebant, plagæ meæ, magnum tunc et grave malum meum.

Estne quisquam, Domine, tam magnus animus, prægrandi affectu tibi cohærens? estne, inquam, quisquam (facit enim hoc quædam etiam stoliditas), est ergo, qui tibi pie cohærendo ita sit affectus granditer, ut equuleos et ungulas, atque hujuscemodi varia tormenta, pro quibus effugiendis tibi per universas terras cum timore magno supplicatur, ita parvi æstimet, deridens eos qui hæc acerbissime formidant, quemadmodum parentes nostri ridebant tormenta quibus pueri a magistris affligebamur? Non enim aut minus ea metuebamus, aut minus te de his evadendis deprecabamur: et peccabamus tamen minus scribendo, aut legendo, aut cogitando de litteris, quam exigebatur a nobis. Non enim decrat, Domine, memoria vel ingenium, quæ nos habere voluisti pro illa ætate satis; sed delectabat ludere: et vindicabatur in nos ab eis qui talia utique agebant. Sed majorum nugæ negotia vocantur; puerorum autem talia cum sint, puniuntur a majoribus: et nemo miseratur pueros, vel illos, vel utrosque. Nisi vero approbet quisquam bonus rerum arbiter vapulasse me, quia ludebam pila puer, et eo ludo impediebar quominus celeriter discerem litteras, quibus major deformius luderem: aut aliud faciebat idem ipse a quo vapulabam; qui si in aliqua quæstiuncula a condoctore suo victus esset, magis bile atque invidia torqueretur, quam ego cum in certamine pilæ a collusore meo superabar?

Et tamen peccabam, Domine Deus, ordinator et creator omnium rerum naturalium, peccatorum autem tantum ordinator: Domine Deus meus, peccabam faciendo contra præcepta parentum et magistrorum illorum. Poteram enim postea bene uti litteris, quas volebant ut discerem quocumque animo illi mei. Non enim meliora eligens, inobediens eram, sed amore ludendi, amans in certaminibus superbas victorias, et scalpi aures meas falsis fabellis, quo prurirent ardentius, eadem curiositate magis magisque per oculos emicante in spectacula ludosque majorum; quos tamen qui edunt, ea dignitate præditi excellunt, ut hoc pene omnes optent parvulis suis: quos tamen cædi libenter patiuntur, si spectaculis talibus impediuntur a studio, quo eos ad talia edenda cupiunt pervenire. Vide ista, Domine, misericorditer, et libera nos jam invocantes te; libera etiam eos qui nondum te invocant, ut invocent te, et liberes eos.