2. Season 1, episode 1, Part 4
Leonard: Hi.
Again.
Penny: Hi.
Sheldon: Hi.
Leonard: Hi.
Penny: Hi.
Leonard: Anyway, um. We brought home Indian food. And, um. I know that moving can be stressful, and I find that when I'm undergoing stress, that good food and company can have a comforting effect. Also, curry is a natural laxative, and I don't have to tell you that, uh, a clean colon is just one less thing to worry about.
Sheldon: Leonard, I'm not expert here but I believe in the context of a luncheon invitation, you might want to skip the reference to bowel movements.
Penny: Oh, you're inviting me over to eat?
Leonard: Uh, yes.
Penny: Oh, that's so nice, I'd love to.
Leonard: Great.
Penny: So, what do you guys do for fun around here?
Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money.
Credits sequence.
Scene: Sheldon and Leonard's apartment.
Leonard: Okay, well, make yourself at home.
Penny: Okay, thankyou.
Leonard: You're very welcome.
Penny: This looks like some serious stuff, Leonard, did you do this?
Sheldon: Actually that's my work.
Penny: Wow.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, it's just some quantum mechanics, with a little string theory doodling around the edges. That part there, that's just a joke, it's a spoof of the Bourne-Oppenheimer approximation.
Penny: So you're like, one of those, beautiful mind genius guys.
Sheldon: Yeah.
Penny: This is really impressive.
Leonard: I have a board. If you like boards, this is my board.
Penny: Holy smokes.
Sheldon: If by holy smokes you mean a derivative restatement of the kind of stuff you can find scribbled on the wall of any men's room at MIT, sure.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Oh, come on. Who hasn't seen this differential below “here I sit broken hearted?”
Leonard: At least I didn't have to invent twenty-six dimensions just to make the math come out.
Sheldon: I didn't invent them, they're there.
Leonard: In what universe?
Sheldon: In all of them, that is the point.
Penny: Uh, do you guys mind if I start?
Sheldon: Um, Penny, that's where I sit.
Penny: So, sit next to me.
Sheldon: No, I sit there.
Penny: What's the difference?
Sheldon: What's the difference?
Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer it's directly in the path of a cross breeze created by open windows there, and there. It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide to create a parallax distortion, I could go on, but I think I've made my point.
Penny: Do you want me to move?
Sheldon: Well.
Leonard: Just sit somewhere else.
Sheldon: Fine. (Wanders in circles, looking lost. )
Leonard: Sheldon, sit!
Sheldon: Aaah!
Leonard: Well this is nice. We don't have a lot of company over.
Sheldon: That's not true. Koothrapali and Wolowitz come over all the time.
Leonard: Yes I now, but…
Sheldon: Tuesday night we played Klingon boggle until one in the morning.
Leonard: Yes, I remember.
Sheldon: I resent you saying we don't have company.
Leonard: I'm sorry.
Sheldon: That is an antisocial implication.
Leonard: I said I'm sorry.
Penny: So, Klingon boggle?
Leonard: Yeah, it's like regular boggle but, in Klingon. That's probably enough about us, tell us about you.
Penny: Um, me, okay, I'm Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.
Sheldon: Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the Sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations and the time of your birth somehow effects your personality.
Penny: Participate in the what?
Leonard: I think what Sheldon's trying to say, is that Sagittarius wouldn't have been our first guess.
Penny: Oh, yeah, a lot of people think I'm a water sign. Okay, let's see, what else, oh, I'm a vegetarian, oh, except for fish, and the occasional steak, I love steak.
Sheldon: That's interesting. Leonard can't process corn.
Leonard: Wu-uh, do you have some sort of a job?
Penny: Oh, yeah, I'm a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard: Oh, okay. I love cheesecake.
Sheldon: You're lactose intolerant.
Leonard: I don't eat it, I just think it's a good idea.
Penny: Oh, anyways, I'm also writing a screenplay. It's about this sensitive girl who comes to L.A. from Lincoln Nebraska to be an actress, and winds up a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard: So it's based on your life?
Penny: No, I'm from Omaha.
Leonard: Well, if that was a movie I would go see it.
Penny: I know, right? Okay, let's see, what else? Um, that's about it. That's the story of Penny.
Leonard: Well it sounds wonderful.
Penny: It was. Until I fell in love with a jerk.
Sheldon (mouths): What's happening.
Leonard (mouths back): I don't know.
Penny: Oh God, you know, four years I lived with him, four years, that's like as long as High School.
Sheldon: It took you four years to get through High School?
Leonard: Don't.
Penny: I just, I can't believe I trusted him.
Leonard: Should I say something? I feel like I should say something.
Sheldon: You? No, you'll only make it worse.
Penny: You want to know the most pathetic part? Even though I hate his lying, cheating guts, I still love him. Is that crazy?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: No, it's not crazy it's, uh, uh, it's a paradox. And paradoxes are part of nature, think about light. Now if you look at Huygens, light is a wave, as confirmed by the double slit experiments, but then, along comes Albert Einstein and discovers that light behaves like particles too. Well, I didn't make it worse.
Penny: Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm such a mess, and on top of everything else I'm all gross from moving and my stupid shower doesn't even work.
Leonard: Our shower works.
Penny: Really? Would it be totally weird if I used it?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: No?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: No.
Leonard: It's right down the hall.
Penny: Thanks. You guys are really sweet.
Sheldon: Well this is an interesting development.
