How to Talk to Someone Who is "Out of Your League"
if you are anything like me you probably
get pretty nervous about the prospect of
going up and talking or introducing
yourself as somebody you admire whether
it's an author you like or a musician or
just somebody who's really
well-respected in your field the
prospect of going up and talking to that
person can seem like you're gonna waste
their time because it seems like they
are in a completely different league
from you but even if you do feel this
way there's probably some rational part
of your brain that knows that if you
could just work up the courage to go and
talk to that person something awesome
might happen even if it's just being
able to talk with somebody you really
admire for a couple of minutes that's
why in this video I want to share our
confidence hack that I use every single
time I'm nervous about going up and
talking to someone this is a simple
mindset change that at least for me can
be implemented right away and works
permanently afterwards but before I tell
you about it I want to first recount a
time before I started using it which I
still regret back when I was in college
there was a conference going on in the
city just south of where my college was
and at that conference an author was
going to be speaking who I really really
admired so I drove down to the
conference I paid for my ticket and I
went to see him speak and afterwards
there were a few people lined up to go
talk to him but the line wasn't super
long so I really had every opportunity
in the world to go and say hi and
introduce myself and have a quick
conversation with him now did I actually
do that well you can probably guess the
answer to that question no I didn't
instead I went into the lobby I
awkwardly hung out for about 15 minutes
and then I left because number one I
completely psyched myself out I thought
that he was in a completely different
league and talking to him would have
been a complete waste of his time and
shooting my confidence down in that way
made me unwilling to talk to anybody
else in the conference so I did get to
see his talk but otherwise I completely
squandered all my opportunities at that
conference and I went home basically
empty-handed now fortunately this story
has a happy ending because the next year
that author actually came back into town
with a couple of his friends Ryan
Nicodemus and Joshua Milburn who you
might know as the minimalists to support
their book to her and I ended up
attending that book tour as well and
that time actually did work up the
courage to go and talk to him along with
those other two guides and they actually
ended up inviting me out for dinner so I
got an entire evening
talk to them and that happened because
on this occasion I actually did use the
hack that I'm about to tell you about
and I like to call it the Netflix rule
this is a really simple rule basically
anytime I'm nervous about going up and
talking to somebody who seems out of my
league or seems really really successful
I think about what they're going to be
doing at the end of the day because no
matter how successful they are no matter
how great the things that they are doing
right now are at the end of the day at
some point they are gonna get tired
they're gonna kick their shoes off and
they're probably gonna sit down to watch
some Netflix it's probably gonna be
Emperor's New Groove I mean I don't
think there's any other real legitimate
choice in the platform right now but
that's kind of a sides the point
everyone no matter how successful no
matter how seemingly untouchable is
human no one is a god everyone farts on
airplanes and hopes no one else will
notice we're all human
so the Netflix rule for me is a way of
focusing on those common human elements
the things that make us more alike than
different now once I actually do strike up that conversation I'm probably not
gonna talk about Emperor's New Groove
I'm probably not gonna talk about ice
cream or farting on airplanes these are
just things that make the person seem
more approachable in my head I focus on
these things
to break down those barriers that my
brain likes to put up to guard against
some perceived a terrible scenario
that'll happen if I dare to talk to this
person who's so far out of my league
side note though if you do want to know
what to say once you actually strike up
that conversation it's probably a good
idea to at least get the ball rolling by
talking about something that they've
done or maybe the talk that they just
gave because this is a good way of
striking up a conversation that has some
context in the moment and beyond that
you can also get better at making small
talk if you want a good place to start
from proving in that area my friend
Charlie has a great video on how to do
small talk if you're an introvert which
I'll have linked in the description down
below overall though it is your demeanor
that matters the most because there is a
huge difference between approaching
somebody as a human being versus acting
totally starstruck and that brings me to
another good point the Netflix rule
makes the interaction better for the
person you're talking to as well people
don't want to be put on pedestals nine
times out of 10 that uber successful
person that you are so scared to talk to
just wants to have a genuine human
conversation they don't want to be
separated or isolated just because the
nature of their work they want to have
real connections so if you can use this
meant
image them getting tired at the end of
day and watching Emperor's New Groove on
Netflix to humanize them and the
conversation is gonna go so much better
for them as well and there is yet
another benefit here too even if the
interaction is awkward even if it goes
kind of poorly that person is still
gonna go watch Netflix tonight and that
means that even if I kind of screw the
conversation up even if it's a little
awkward at the end of the day they are
not going to be thinking about me
they're gonna go watch Netflix they've
got their own problems their own lives
to worry about so really it can only go
one of two ways either the interaction
is awesome and maybe something cool
happens down the line because of that or
it's forgettable they move on with their
lives and I get to move on with mine as
well and this part of the mindset isn't
even limited to one-on-one interactions
either it can also be useful for things
like public speaking or anything where
you have to kind of put yourself out
there and you're scared about what
people will think
in fact writing this very video script
was partly an exercise in trying to
convince myself to sign up for a public
singing showcase that's happening in a
couple of months since I've been taking
vocal lessons and I'm very scared to do
it but I have to tell myself either it's
going to go great or it's going to be
forgettable for every single person in
that audience and I have to remind
myself that every great performer out
there whether they're a speaker or an
author a musician they have a lot of
forgettable performances in their past
but every single one contributed towards
their skills contributed towards their
confidence and the fact that they're
able to dazzle people now and have great
interactions now is because of all that
legwork that happened beforehand so
whether it's a one-on-one interaction
with somebody who you're nervous to talk
to or a performance on a stage remember
that it is a simple fork in the road
either you dazzle them or they forget
about you because well maybe got a
Netflix shows to go watch now it's good
to note that cultivating this mindset
can help you build better professional
relationships as well to help expand
your network and that's a great way to
expand your job prospects in the future
and if you're looking for more ways to
do that then another area you may want
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problems because as more jobs and
processes become automated the
opportunities that are going to exist in
the future are increasingly going to
involve number one social skills but
number two the ability to pull knowledge
from disparate fields and creatively
solve problems that we haven't seen
before and the way that you improve your
skills in that area is through practice
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