03. Dear Hank & John. 002 - It's a Humor Podcast! Part 3/5.
• [Question 7]
John: Um, another question. This one is from James. "Dear John and Hank. I will soon be starting a job that will have me travelling a lot. Do you have any travelling tips?" Do I? Do I James?
Hank: Oh God, don't get John started on travelling tips. Oh God.
John: Oh, it's almost all I have at this point is travelling tips. Hank: Here's my, here's my trav... I wanna start with one. When the plane goes (Turbulence noises) that's normal. John: Yeah. Well, when it comes to worrying about whether what's happening on your plane is normal you just look at the flight attendants. And what you'll discover is that pretty much everything that you're worried about is normal. And then on occasion, you're moments away from a fiery death. Hank: (Laughs)
John: Um, here is... Yeah, My biggest travel tip, James, is this: You're going to be spending a lot of time in mediocre hotel rooms; you will, as I have, memorize the layout of the Courtyard Marriott hotel room so that no matter what city you're in, you'll feel like you're in the exact same place because every Courtyard Marriott is laid out the same. You must leave that hotel room or you will, if you are me anyway, descend into a deep spiral of darkness. So you must call an Uber or a taxi or something, and go somewhere in the place that you're visiting that makes you feel like you're actually there instead of just like you're in another Courtyard Marriott. By the way, today's podcast brought to you by Courtyard by Marriott! Fantastic hotel chain! Um, couldn't make the podcast without them, so, so appreciative of they're financial support. Hank: I want to tell a story about a Courtyard Marriott, it's very short. I was staying in a Courtyard Marriott on our most recent tour with Hank Green and the Perfect Strangers, and it was a converted other hotel.
John: Oh, boy.
Hank: A much, like, a hotel that was a- much bigger rooms, but they had just put the Courtyard Marriott hotel furniture in that room?
John: Oh, yeah.
Hank: And was very strange to walk into the room and be like- Well, it was like this weird uncanny valley where it was like this is all the Courtyard Marriott furniture, and the Courtyard Marriott art on the walls, but there was just a huge amount of empty space. It was very strange.
John: Hank and I once spent thirty-four consecutive nights in different Courtyard Marriotts.
Hank: It's true. John: And- You do...
Hank: Yeah.
John: Like, close your eyes and think of that red love seat, Hank. You know what I mean?
Hank: Yep.
John: Ah, that red love seat! It was my ground while we were travelling! You know, I'd spend all day in that mini-van with you, and nothing against mini vans or you, but I just kept thinking, "Man, I just need to get to that red love seat at that Courtyard Marriott in Duluth, Minnesota" or wherever we were that day. Hank: I, any... I don't know, like, how long are you going to go on with travel tips because you've done a lot of travelling. John: I do feel like Vlogbrothers has been a tremendous gift in my travelling because it forces me to leave the hotel and do something or at least to think about something other than how much I hate spending time in hotels. And I know this will be very foreign to people who don't do a lot of business travel, probably a lot of you are like "What's so wrong with having, like, being, spending time in hotels and having, you know, people clean your towels for you and having access to room service and a mini-bar or whatever?" And there are a lot of blessings to it but, at least for me, it is the place of darkness and horror to be honest, it is. And so having to make a Vlogbrothers video is like "OK, well you have to do something other than, like, stare at the television which you don't, like, can't find the energy to turn on and contemplate the dead, blank face that's looking back at you through that off screen, you have to make a Vlogbrothers video." And it kind of, like, gets me going. So I guess that would be my other travel tip. I don't want to make travelling for work seem that bad 'cause lots of people enjoy it, but that would be my other big travelling tip - make videos or do something, do some kind of creative projects with or for people you love just to kind of, like, feel connected to your wider world so you don't feel like you're just, like, disconnected in this travel space. And then lastly definitely pick an airline and work hard to get medallion status, not that it really means anything, it doesn't really improve your life in any way, but it's like winning a video game, it's like levelling up. So it allows me to feel like I'm accomplishing something by travelling because I'm getting closer to diamond status. Hank: Yeah, that's what they want. That is their goal.
John: Well it works. Um, and when I get diamond status this year, Hank, and Delta Air Lines is forced to every time I enter the airport shoot off champagne poppers and sing "We love you John Green, we do. We love you John Green, we do" then I'm gonna be so excited, I'm gonna be so happy. Hank: That sounds very exciting for you.
• [Question 8]
Hank: We have another question, it's from Emily. "Dear Hank and John. I am hoping you can help me solve a mystery. For six years now at the Indianapolis Airport there has been a Spanish language announcement stating that quote 'Effective of June 30th 2009 it is prohibited to smoke in the Indianapolis International Airport. It is not permitted to smoke outside on the streets or in the parking garage'. There is not currently an English language version of this message and this is the only Spanish language announcement in the airport. It sounds to me like no one in charge speaks enough Spanish to realize that this sounds quite silly at this point. Any thoughts on the matter? " John: Emily, you've asked the single most important question facing humans today. Why, six years on, does the Indianapolis International Airport continue every twelve minutes to play that Spanish language announcement that it is no longer possible to smoke inside the airport. Is it because they believe that Spanish speakers smoke at rates higher than English speakers? Is it because - Also why don't they ever have in Spanish that you need to keep your bags with you at all times and that if a stranger approaches you and asks to put something in your bag you should say no, which they also air every twelve minutes lest one forget that that if somebody random walks up to you and says "Can I put this dynamite in your luggage" you're supposed to say no. Um, uh, Emily, it's a great question. It's a question actually that I have asked the Indianapolis International Airport over Twitter. They did not respond. I feel that it's time to retire the announcement. You can't smoke in any public place anymore including but not limited to the Indianapolis Airport. And yes, I am equally frustrated by this. And when I'm filming a vlog I cannot tell you how often in the middle of a really great take they will come on the air and remind me in Spanish that I cannot smoke. Hank: Your life is so hard John Green.
John: I know. Thanks for empathizing buddy.
