Dating apps: How our brains react - YouTube
Dan: Hello and welcome to 6 Minute English. I'm Dan.
Rob: And hello, I'm Rob.
Dan: In today's programme we're going to
be looking at what our brains are doing
when we are using dating apps. Now, Rob,
have you ever used a dating app?
Rob: No way, I would never use one.
Dan: Hmm, so Rob, can you explain, when
talking about dating apps, what we mean
by swipe left and swipe right?
Rob: Ah, yes. These are not new words
but technology has given them new
meaning. 'To swipe' is the movement of
your finger on a smartphone to
change the screen you're looking at. So
imagine turning the page in a book, well,
on a phone, you swipe. In some dating
apps, they show you pictures of people
you might find attractive.
If you do like them, you swipe right. If you
don't like them, you swipe left.
Dan: We will dig deeper into this topic
shortly, but first, a question. In the UK,
approximately how many marriages start
with the couple meeting online? Is it:
a) One in three, b) One in four, or c) One in five.
What do you think?
Rob: Well, all of those seem quite high to me,
so I'm going to guess in the middle,
one in four.
Dan: Well, we'll find out if you're right later in the
programme. Now, Alice Gray is a
science communicator and blogger.
Recently she was a guest on BBC
Radio 4's Woman's Hour programme and
she was asked about what goes on in our
brains when we use dating apps
compared to when we meet
people in real life. What difference does
she say there is?
Alice Gray: It's very easy to think that just with
these instantaneous swipe left, swipe
right, that the process in our brain of how
we pick out a suitable mate would be very
different, when actually it's really similar
to how we do it in person.
Rob: So she says that what goes on in our
brains is actually very similar. Online we
make decisions very quickly about who
we like. These decisions are almost
immediate - she used the adjective
'instantaneous' for this. So we make these
instantaneous decisions then choose to
swipe left or swipe right. In real life, we do
the same thing.
We know almost immediately when we
see someone, if we find them attractive or not.
Dan: Although of course in digital dating,
once you've swiped left you will never see
that person again and you won't have the
chance to meet. In the real world you
could meet someone you don't find
attractive instantaneously and then get to
know them and find that you do quite like them.
Rob: Yes, this is true, but then possibly
they won't like you. And then you have to
deal with rejection. Rejection is when
someone doesn't find you attractive and
they don't want to spend time with you or
get to know you.
Dan: So, what's the difference in our brains
between online rejection and real life
rejection? Here's Alice Gray again.
Alice Gray: We see that a lot of the
patterns associated with rejection in real
life and rejection on dating apps are
similar, it's just the exposure to the rate of the
amount of rejection you get on dating
apps is a lot higher than the ones in real
life. So in real life you'll have time to, sort
of, compute the rejection, get over it a
little bit, and dust yourself off and get on
with it. Whereas the rate of rejection
on dating apps is so high it's often hard
to cope with one coming in after another.
Rob: So, she says that our brain's response
to real life and online rejection is quite
similar, but in the digital world you can be
rejected many more times.
Dan: In real life you have a bit more time
to recover from the rejection, to get over it,
as she says. You can dust yourself off
which is a way of saying you think
positively to make yourself feel better.
Imagine falling over on the ground, when
you get up, you might be covered in dust
and dirt, you need to dust yourself off to
make yourself ready again, before you
carry on.
Rob: In the online world though, you don't
have that time. Online dating apps can
lead to many rejections and
psychologically that can be difficult to
manage. Another way of saying
'difficult to manage' is 'difficult to cope with'.
Dan: Well, we don't want you to reject us,
so time now to give you the answer to
that quiz question before a recap of
today's vocabulary. I asked: in the UK,
approximately how many marriages
start with the couple meeting online? Is it:
a) One in three, b) One in four, or
c) One in five.
Rob: Hmmm, so I said b) one in four,
25%. Was I right?
Dan: Sorry, Rob, the answer is a), one in
three. Does that surprise you?
Rob: Yes, it does, I didn't think it would be
that high.
Dan: It's the sign of the times, Rob. Digital
world – digital dating! Let's have a look at
that vocabulary.
Rob: OK, well, we started with the verb 'to
swipe'. The movement of our finger on
a smartphone or tablet screen to indicate
whether we like someone or not. Swipe
right for like, swipe left if you don't like.
Dan: Our decisions on whether we find
someone attractive or not are often
instantaneous. This adjective means
'immediate', 'at once'.
Rob: 'Rejection' is when you let someone
know that you are not interested in them,
you don't want to be romantically involved
with them.
Dan: If you are 'rejected' you might need
some time to feel better, and for this you
can use the phrasal verb 'get over'. It can
take some time to get over a rejection.
Rob: Yeah, I know! Now being positive and optimistic
after a rejection can be described as
'dusting yourself off'. But, having many
rejections can be difficult to cope with,
which means it can be difficult to
manage, difficult to keep positive.
Dan: Well, we hope you don't swipe left on
this programme and you will join us again
next time. Remember you can find us on
Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube
and of course our website
Rob: And don't forget our new BBC
Learning English app.
Dan: Oh good idea. See you soon. Bye.
Rob: Bye bye!
