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Learn English With Videos (Mario Vergara), 069: How to Win Friends and Influence People

069: How to Win Friends and Influence People

The first big idea I want to talk about is the importance of remembering that a man's name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

I used to meet people and I was so concerned about all the social pressures and expectations, that I would miss the most important part. And that part is when the person tells you his name. I would hear it, but in about 30 seconds I would realize I had no idea what that person's name was.

Not only did that make my interactions awkward, but it also made me unable to connect with people on a deeper level. And unless you have some kind of flawless memory, you probably identify with this.

So what I started doing was not only focusing on the name more, but using a helpful technique. When the person says, “Hey, my name is Bill.” Instead of saying, “Nice to meet you,” try saying, “Nice to meet you, Bill.”

You have just repeated his name back to him and that helps tremendously with actually remembering the person's name. You will also start to notice that people feel more connected to you and respond better when you use their name, and it is because a man's name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

Now, the following story combines two big ideas: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically, and make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.

A few years ago, I went out with my friends, and by the end of the night they were all drunk and I was driving them back. They are all yelling and screaming the whole way, and suddenly they all decide they are hungry and want Taco Bell.

So I take the exit on the highway, and I have no idea where I am, it's 3AM in the morning, and I see I'm going the wrong way and need to turn around. All of a sudden I have to make a split-second decision, I'm about to turn around but then I see the no turnaround sign. I still turn around.

I drive to Taco Bell and as I approach to order, I see police lights in the rear mirror. The policeman comes up and says, “Hey, how are you doing tonight?” And I said, “I'm doing well, sir, how are you?” He says, “I'm doing well, too,” and asks me if I know why he pulled me over.

Now, in the next second, my social conditioning kicks in. I want to say no. I want to say I didn't know where I was. I want to say it's really late, there are no cars around anyway. I want to say I didn't see the sign.

I want to say I'm being responsible, and my friends are creating all this chaos in the car, and I couldn't think straight. Once that second is up however, Carnegie's principles kick in and I say, “Yes, sir.

I turned even though I saw the no turnaround sign. I panicked and made a poor decision.” As I said this, his face changed completely. It looked so confused like he had never heard anything like this before.

After some silence, I said, “I know I made a mistake and I'm willing to face the consequences for it. Thank you for doing your job.” And he kept looking back in confusion and amazement, then smiled like he had never been that happy in his entire life and said this while he handed me my driver's license, “Thank you for being responsible and taking care of these guys and I hope you have a good night.”

Now some people might hear this and say, “Okay, you admitted you were wrong. Good. You made him feel important. Good. But you weren't being genuine.” And look, could I have pulled this off without being genuine? Possibly.

But I do really appreciate that policeman doing his job. I really do. I appreciate him just like I would appreciate him if he pulled over a huge SUV with a bunch of drunk guys in it, before they crashed into my girlfriend's car and killed her while she's driving on her way home.

So the three big ideas are: Big idea 1: Remember that a man's name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Big idea 2: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Big idea 3: Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.

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069: How to Win Friends and Influence People 069: Wie man Freunde gewinnt und Menschen beeinflusst 069: Πώς να κερδίζετε φίλους και να επηρεάζετε τους ανθρώπους 069: How to Win Friends and Influence People 069: Cómo ganar amigos e influir en la gente 069: چگونه می توان دوستان را به دست آورد و بر مردم تأثیر گذاشت 069: Come conquistare gli amici e influenzare le persone 069:友達を獲得して人々に影響を与える方法 069: 친구를 사귀고 사람들에게 영향력을 미치는 방법 069: Como Fazer Amigos e Influenciar Pessoas 069: Как завоевывать друзей и оказывать влияние на людей 069: Як здобувати друзів і впливати на людей 069:如何赢得朋友和影响他人 069:如何贏得朋友並影響人們

The first big idea I want to talk about is the importance of remembering that a man's name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language. 私が話したい最初の大きなアイデアは、男性の名前が彼にとってどの言語でも最も甘くて最も重要な音であることを覚えておくことの重要性です。 A primeira grande ideia sobre a qual quero falar é a importância de lembrar que o nome de um homem é para ele o som mais doce e importante em qualquer idioma.

I used to meet people and I was so concerned about all the social pressures and expectations, that I would miss the most important part. 私はかつて人々に会いましたが、社会的圧力や期待のすべてをとても心配していたので、最も重要な部分を見逃してしまいました。 Eu costumava conhecer pessoas e estava tão preocupado com todas as pressões e expectativas sociais, que sentia falta do mais importante. And that part is when the person tells you his name. Und dieser Teil ist, wenn die Person dir ihren Namen sagt. そして、その部分は、その人があなたに彼の名前を言うときです。 E essa parte é quando a pessoa diz o nome dele. I would hear it, but in about 30 seconds I would realize I had no idea what that person's name was. Ich würde es hören, aber in ungefähr 30 Sekunden würde ich feststellen, dass ich keine Ahnung hatte, wie diese Person hieß. 聞こえたのですが、30秒くらいでその人の名前がわからないことに気づきました。 Eu ouviria, mas em cerca de 30 segundos perceberia que não tinha ideia de qual era o nome daquela pessoa.

Not only did that make my interactions awkward, but it also made me unable to connect with people on a deeper level. |||||||strani|||||||||||||| Das hat nicht nur meine Interaktionen unangenehm gemacht, sondern es hat mich auch unfähig gemacht, mich auf einer tieferen Ebene mit Menschen zu verbinden. Eso no sólo hacía que mis interacciones fueran incómodas, sino que también me impedía conectar con la gente a un nivel más profundo. それは私のやりとりを厄介にするだけでなく、より深いレベルで人々とつながることができなくなりました。 Isso não apenas tornou minhas interações estranhas, mas também me impediu de me conectar com as pessoas em um nível mais profundo. And unless you have some kind of flawless memory, you probably identify with this. Und wenn Sie kein makelloses Gedächtnis haben, identifizieren Sie sich wahrscheinlich damit. そして、あなたが何らかの完璧な記憶を持っていない限り、あなたはおそらくこれと同一視します。 E a menos que você tenha algum tipo de memória perfeita, provavelmente se identifica com isso. 除非你有某種完美的記憶力,否則你可能會認同這一點。

So what I started doing was not only focusing  on the name more, but using a helpful technique. Also habe ich angefangen, mich nicht nur mehr auf den Namen zu konzentrieren, sondern eine hilfreiche Technik anzuwenden. だから私が始めたのは、名前にもっと焦点を合わせるだけでなく、役立つテクニックを使うことでした。 Então, o que comecei a fazer não foi apenas me concentrar mais no nome, mas também usando uma técnica útil. When the person says, “Hey, my name is Bill.” Instead of saying, “Nice to meet you,” try saying, “Nice to meet you, Bill.” Wenn die Person sagt: „Hey, mein Name ist Bill.“ Anstatt zu sagen: „Schön, dich kennenzulernen“, versuche es mit „Schön, dich kennenzulernen, Bill“. Quando a pessoa diz: “Ei, meu nome é Bill”. Em vez de dizer "Prazer em conhecê-lo", tente dizer "Prazer em conhecê-lo, Bill"

You have just repeated his name back to him and that helps tremendously with actually remembering the person's name. ||||||||||||非常有助於|||||| Sie haben ihm gerade seinen Namen wiederholt, und das hilft enorm dabei, sich tatsächlich an den Namen der Person zu erinnern. あなたは彼の名前を彼に繰り返したばかりであり、それは実際にその人の名前を覚えるのに非常に役立ちます。 Você acabou de repetir o nome dele para ele, o que ajuda muito a lembrar o nome da pessoa. You will also start to notice that people feel more connected to you and respond better when you use their name, and it is because a man's name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language. また、名前を使用すると、人々はあなたとのつながりを深め、反応が良くなることに気付くでしょう。これは、男性の名前が、どの言語でも最も甘く、最も重要な音であるためです。

Now, the following story combines two big ideas: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically, and make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely. ||||||||||||||||斷然地|||||||||||真誠地 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||sincerely = sincerely さて、次の話は2つの大きなアイデアを組み合わせたものです。あなたが間違っている場合は、それを迅速かつ強調して認め、相手を重要だと感じさせ、誠実にそれを行います。 Agora, a história a seguir combina duas grandes idéias: Se você está errado, admita isso rápida e enfaticamente e faça a outra pessoa se sentir importante - e faça isso com sinceridade. 現在,下面的故事結合了兩個重要的想法:如果你錯了,迅速而堅決地承認它,讓對方感到重要——並真誠地這樣做。

A few years ago, I went out with my friends, and by the end of the night they were all drunk and I was driving them back. 数年前、私は友達と一緒に出かけました、そして夜の終わりまでに彼らは皆酔っていて、私は彼らを追い返していました。 Há alguns anos, saí com meus amigos e no final da noite eles estavam todos bêbados e eu os estava levando de volta. 幾年前,我和朋友出去玩,到了晚上他們都喝醉了,我開車送他們回來。 They are all yelling and screaming the whole way, and suddenly they all decide they are hungry and want Taco Bell. 彼らは皆、ずっと叫び声を上げていて、突然、彼らは皆、空腹でタコベルが欲しいと決心しました。 Todos gritam e berram o tempo todo e, de repente, todos decidem que estão com fome e querem Taco Bell. 一路上他們都大喊大叫,突然他們都覺得餓了,想吃塔可鐘。

So I take the exit on the highway, and I have no idea where I am, it's 3AM in the morning, and I see I'm going the wrong way and need to turn around. Así que tomo la salida de la autopista, y no tengo ni idea de dónde estoy, son las 3 de la mañana, y veo que voy en dirección contraria y necesito dar la vuelta. だから私は高速道路の出口を出て、自分がどこにいるのかわからない。午前3時だ。間違った方向に進んでいるので、向きを変える必要がある。 Então, pego a saída na rodovia e não tenho ideia de onde estou, são 3 da manhã, vejo que estou indo na direção errada e preciso dar meia-volta. Я выезжаю на шоссе, понятия не имею, где нахожусь, сейчас три часа ночи, и я вижу, что еду не туда и мне нужно повернуть. 所以我在高速公路的出口下,我不知道自己在哪裡,現在是凌晨 3 點,我發現我走錯了路,需要掉頭。 All of a sudden I have to make a split-second decision, I'm about to turn around but then I see the no turnaround sign. 突然、私は一瞬の決断をしなければなりません。私は向きを変えようとしていますが、それから私は方向転換の兆候が見えません。 De repente, tenho que tomar uma decisão em uma fração de segundo, estou prestes a me virar, mas então vejo o sinal de proibido. 突然我必須做出一個瞬間的決定,我正要掉頭,但隨後我看到了一個無法掉頭的標誌。 I still turn around. 私はまだ振り返ります。 Eu ainda me viro.

I drive to Taco Bell and as I approach to order, I see police lights in the rear mirror. タコベルまで車で行き、注文に近づくと、バックミラーに警察のライトが見えます。 Dirijo até o Taco Bell e quando me aproximo para fazer o pedido, vejo as luzes da polícia no espelho retrovisor. 我開車去塔可鐘,當我接近點餐時,我看到後視鏡裡有警燈。 The policeman comes up and says, “Hey, how are you doing tonight?” And I said, “I'm doing well, sir, how are you?” He says, “I'm doing well, too,” and asks me if I know why he pulled me over. Poliisi tulee ja kysyy: "Hei, kuinka voit tänä iltana?" Ja minä sanoin: "Minulla menee hyvin, herra, kuinka voit?" Hän sanoo: "Minullakin menee hyvin" ja kysyy minulta, tiedänkö, miksi hän veti minut yli. 警官がやって来て、「ねえ、今夜は元気?」と言います。そして私は「元気です、先生、お元気ですか?」と言いました。彼は「私も元気です」と言って、なぜ彼が私を引っ張ったのか知っているかどうか私に尋ねます。 O policial chega e diz: "Ei, como você está esta noite?" E eu disse: "Estou bem, senhor, como vai?" Ele diz: “Eu também estou bem” e me pergunta se eu sei por que ele me puxou. 警察走過來說:“嘿,你今晚過得怎麼樣?”我說:“我很好,先生,你好嗎?”他說:“我也做得很好”,並問我是否知道他為什麼讓我靠邊停車。

Now, in the next second, my social conditioning kicks in. さて、次の秒で、私の社会的条件付けが始まります。 Agora, no próximo segundo, meu condicionamento social entra em ação. Теперь, в следующую секунду, включается моя социальная обусловленность. 現在,下一秒,我的社交條件就開始發揮作用。 I want to say no. いいえと言いたいです。 Eu quero dizer não. I want to say I didn't know where I was. 自分がどこにいるのかわからなかったと言いたいです。 Quero dizer que não sabia onde estava. 我想說我不知道自己在哪裡。 I want to say it's really late, there are no cars around anyway. 本当に遅いと言いたいのですが、とにかく車はありません。 Eu quero dizer que é muito tarde, não há carros por aí mesmo. 我想說真的很晚了,反正周圍也沒有車。 I want to say I didn't see the sign. 看板が見えなかったと言いたいです。 Eu quero dizer que não vi o sinal. 我想說我沒看到這個標誌。

I want to say I'm being responsible, and my friends are creating all this chaos in the car, and I couldn't think straight. 私が責任を負っていると言いたいのですが、私の友人たちは車の中でこのような混乱を引き起こしており、私は正直に考えることができませんでした。 Quero dizer que estou sendo responsável, e meus amigos estão criando todo esse caos no carro, e eu não conseguia pensar direito. 我想說我是負責任的,我的朋友在車上製造了所有這些混亂,我無法正常思考。 Once that second is up however, Carnegie's principles kick in and I say, “Yes, sir. しかし、その2番目が終わると、カーネギーの原則が始まり、私はこう言います。 Uma vez que esse segundo, no entanto, os princípios de Carnegie entram em ação e eu digo: “Sim, senhor. 然而,一旦這一秒過去,卡內基的原則就開始發揮作用,我說:「是的,先生。

I turned even though I saw the no turnaround sign. ターンアラウンドの兆候が見られなかったのに、私は向きを変えました。 Eu me virei embora tenha visto o sinal de proibição de retorno. 儘管我看到了禁止掉頭的標誌,我還是轉身了。 I panicked and made a poor decision.” As I said this, his face changed completely. Entrei em pânico e tomei uma decisão errada. ” Quando eu disse isso, seu rosto mudou completamente. 我驚慌失措,做出了一個錯誤的決定。”我這話一出,他的臉色徹底變了。 It looked so confused like he had never heard anything like this before. 彼はこれまでこのようなことを聞いたことがなかったように、それはとても混乱しているように見えました。 Parecia tão confuso como se ele nunca tivesse ouvido nada assim antes. 看起來很困惑,就像他以前從未聽過這樣的事情一樣。

After some silence, I said, “I know I made a mistake and I'm willing to face the consequences for it. しばらく沈黙した後、私は言いました。「私は間違いを犯したことを知っており、その結果に直面することをいとわない。 Após algum silêncio, eu disse: “Sei que cometi um erro e estou disposto a enfrentar as consequências por isso. 沉默了一會兒,我說:「我知道我犯了錯誤,我願意承擔後果。 Thank you for doing your job.” And he kept looking back in confusion and amazement, then smiled like he had never been that happy in his entire life and said this while he handed me my driver's license, “Thank you for being responsible and taking care of these guys and I hope you have a good night.” 仕事をしてくれてありがとう。」そして、彼は混乱と驚きを振り返り続け、人生でこれほど幸せではなかったように微笑んで、私の運転免許証を私に渡してくれました。良い夜を。" Obrigado por fazer o seu trabalho. ” E ele ficou olhando para trás com confusão e espanto, então sorriu como se nunca tivesse sido tão feliz em toda a sua vida e disse isso enquanto me entregava minha carteira de motorista: "Obrigado por ser responsável e cuidar desses caras e espero que você tenha uma boa noite." 謝謝你做好你的工作。”他不斷地回望過去,困惑和驚訝,然後微笑著,就像他一生中從未如此快樂過一樣,一邊把我的駕照遞給我,一邊說:「謝謝你的負責和照顧這些人,我希望你祝你晚安。”

Now some people might hear this and say, “Okay, you admitted you were wrong. Agora, algumas pessoas podem ouvir isso e dizer: “Ok, você admitiu que estava errado. 現在有些人聽到這句話可能會說:「好吧,你承認你錯了。 Good. 良い。 好的。 You made him feel important. あなたは彼を重要だと感じさせました。 你讓他覺得自己很重要。 Good. But you weren't being genuine.” And look, could I have pulled this off without being genuine? Pero no estabas siendo genuino". Y mira, ¿podría haber logrado esto sin ser genuino? しかし、あなたは本物ではありませんでした。」そして、見て、私は本物でなくてもこれをやってのけることができたでしょうか? Mas você não estava sendo genuíno. ” E olha, eu poderia ter conseguido isso sem ser genuíno? Но ты не был искренним". И посмотрите, смог бы я провернуть это, не будучи искренним? 但你的表現並不真誠。”瞧,我能在不真誠的情況下完成這件事嗎? Possibly. 可能吧。

But I do really appreciate that policeman doing his job. しかし、私はその警官が彼の仕事をしていることを本当に感謝しています。 Mas eu realmente aprecio aquele policial fazendo seu trabalho. 但我真的很感激那個警察盡責。 I really do. 本当です。 Eu realmente quero. I appreciate him just like I would appreciate him if he pulled over a huge SUV with a bunch of drunk guys in it, before they crashed into my girlfriend's car and killed her while she's driving on her way home. Le aprecio igual que le apreciaría si detuviera a un enorme todoterreno con un grupo de borrachos dentro, antes de que se estrellaran contra el coche de mi novia y la mataran mientras conduce de camino a casa. 彼女が家に帰る途中で彼女が私のガールフレンドの車に衝突して彼女を殺す前に、彼が酔っ払った男たちがたくさんいる巨大なSUVを引っ張ったら、彼に感謝します。 Eu o aprecio assim como eu apreciaria se ele parasse um enorme SUV com um monte de caras bêbados dentro, antes que eles colidissem com o carro da minha namorada e a matassem enquanto ela dirigia a caminho de casa. 我很感激他,就像如果他在我女朋友開車回家時撞上我女朋友的車並殺死她之前,把一輛載著一群醉漢的巨大SUV攔下下來,我也會很感激他。

So the three big ideas are: Big idea 1: Remember that a man's name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Portanto, as três grandes ideias são: Grande ideia 1: Lembre-se de que o nome de um homem é para ele o som mais doce e mais importante em qualquer idioma. Big idea 2: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. ||||||||||emphatically Grande ideia 2: se você estiver errado, admita-o rápida e enfaticamente. 大理念2:如果你錯了,就迅速、堅決地承認。 Big idea 3: Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.