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•TED TALKS•, Maysoon Zayid: I got 99 problems... palsy is just one

Maysoon Zayid: I got 99 problems... palsy is just one

Hello, TEDWomen, what's up.

(Cheers)

Not good enough.

Hello, TEDWomen, what is up? (Cheers)

My name is Maysoon Zayid, and I am not drunk, but the doctor who delivered me was.

He cut my mom six different times in six different directions, suffocating poor little me in the process. As a result, I have cerebral palsy, which means I shake all the time. Look. It's exhausting. I'm like Shakira, Shakira meets Muhammad Ali. (Laughter) C.P.

is not genetic. It's not a birth defect. You can't catch it. No one put a curse on my mother's uterus, and I didn't get it because my parents are first cousins, which they are. (Laughter) It only happens from accidents, like what happened to me on my birth day. Now, I must warn you, I'm not inspirational, and I don't want anyone in this room to feel bad for me, because at some point in your life, you have dreamt of being disabled.

Come on a journey with me. It's Christmas Eve, you're at the mall, you're driving around in circles looking for parking, and what do you see? Sixteen empty handicapped spaces. And you're like, "God, can't I just be a little disabled? " (Laughter) Also, I gotta tell you, I got 99 problems, and palsy is just one. If there was an Oppression Olympics, I would win the gold medal. I'm Palestinian, Muslim, I'm female, I'm disabled, and I live in New Jersey. (Laughter) (Applause) If you don't feel better about yourself, maybe you should. Cliffside Park, New Jersey is my hometown.

I have always loved the fact that my hood and my affliction share the same initials. I also love the fact that if I wanted to walk from my house to New York City, I could. A lot of people with C.P.

don't walk, but my parents didn't believe in "can't. " My father's mantra was, "You can do it, yes you can can. " (Laughter) So, if my three older sisters were mopping, I was mopping. If my three older sisters went to public school, my parents would sue the school system and guarantee that I went too, and if we didn't all get A's, we all got my mother's slipper. (Laughter) My father taught me how to walk when I was five years oldby placing my heels on his feet and just walking. Another tactic that he used is he would dangle a dollar bill in front of me and have me chase it. (Laughter) My inner stripper was very strong, and by -- (Laughter) Yeah. No, by the first day of kindergarten, I was walking like a champ who had been punched one too many times. Growing up, there were only six Arabs in my town, and they were all my family.

Now there are 20 Arabs in town, and they are still all my family. (Laughter) I don't think anyone even noticed we weren't Italian. (Laughter) (Applause) This was before 9/11 and before politicians thought it was appropriate to use "I hate Moslems" as a campaign slogan. The people that I grew up with had no problem with my faith. They did, however, seem very concerned that I would starve to death during Ramadan. I would explain to them that I have enough fat to live off of for three whole months, so fasting from sunrise to sunset is a piece of cake. I have tap-danced on Broadway.

Yeah, on Broadway. It's crazy. (Applause) My parents couldn't afford physical therapy, so they sent me to dancing school. I learned how to dance in heels, which means I can walk in heels. And I'm from Jersey, and we are really concerned with being chic, so if my friends wore heels, so did I. And when my friends went and spent their summer vacations on the Jersey Shore, I did not.I spent my summers in a war zone, because my parents were afraid that if we didn't go back to Palestine every single summer, we'd grow up to be Madonna.

(Laughter) Summer vacations often consisted of my father trying to heal me, so I drank deer's milk, I had hot cups on my back, I was dunked in the Dead Sea, and I remember the water burning my eyes and thinking, "It's working! It's working! " (Laughter) But one miracle cure we did find was yoga.

I have to tell you, it's very boring, but before I did yoga, I was a stand-up comedian who can't stand up. And now I can stand on my head. My parents reinforced this notion that I could do anything, that no dream was impossible, and my dream was to be on the daytime soap opera "General Hospital. " I went to college during affirmative action and got a sweet scholarship to ASU, Arizona State University, because I fit every single quota. I was like the pet lemur of the theater department. Everybody loved me. I did all the less-than-intelligent kids' homework, I got A's in all of my classes, A's in all of their classes. Every time I did a scene from "The Glass Menagerie," my professors would weep. But I never got cast. Finally, my senior year, ASU decided to do a show called "They Dance Real Slow in Jackson. " It's a play about a girl with C.P. I was a girl with C.P. So I start shouting from the rooftops, "I'm finally going to get a part! I have cerebral palsy! Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, I'm free at last! " I didn't get the part. (Laughter)Sherry Brown got the part. I went racing to the head of the theater department crying hysterically, like someone shot my cat, to ask her why, and she said it was because they didn't think I could do the stunts. I said, "Excuse me, if I can't do the stunts, neither can the character. " (Laughter) (Applause) This was a part that I was literally born to play and they gave it, they gave it to a non-palsy actress. College was imitating life. Hollywood has a sordid history of casting able-bodied actors to play disabled onscreen. Upon graduating, I moved back home, and my first acting gig was as an extra on a daytime soap opera.

My dream was coming true. And I knew that I would be promoted from "diner diner" to "wacky best friend" in no time. But instead, I remained a glorified piece of furniture that you could only recognize from the back of my head, and it became clear to me that casting directors didn't hire fluffy, ethnic, disabled actors. They only hired perfect people.But there were exceptions to the rule. I grew up watching Whoopi Goldberg, Roseanne Barr, Ellen, and all of these women had one thing in common: they were comedians. So I became a comic. (Laughter) (Applause) My first gig was driving famous comics from New York City to shows in New Jersey, and I'll never forget the face of the first comic I ever drove when he realized that he was speeding down the New Jersey Turnpike with a chick with C.P.

driving him. I've performed in clubs all over America, and I've also performed in Arabic in the Middle East, uncensored and uncovered. Some people say I'm the first stand-up comic in the Arab world. I never like to claim first, but I do know that they never heard that nasty little rumor that women aren't funny, and they find us hysterical. In 2003, my brother from another mother and father Dean Obeidallah and I started the New York Arab-American Comedy Festival, now in its 10th year. Our goal was to change the negative image of Arab-Americans in media, while also reminding casting directors that South Asian and Arab are not synonymous. (Laughter)Mainstreaming Arabs was much, much easier than conquering the challenge against the stigma against disability. My big break came in 2010.

I was invited to be a guest on the cable news show "Countdown With Keith Olbermann. " I walked in looking like I was going to the prom, and they shuffle me into a studio and seat me on a spinning, rolling chair. So I looked at the stage manager and I'm like, "Excuse me, can I have another chair? " And she looked at me and she went, "Five, four, three, two ..." And we were live, right? So I had to grip onto the anchor's desk so that I wouldn't roll off the screen during the segment, and when the interview was over, I was livid. I had finally gotten my chance and I blew it, and I knew I would never get invited back. But not only did Mr. Olbermann invite me back, he made me a full-time contributor, and he taped down my chair. (Laughter) (Applause) One fun fact I learned while on the air with Keith Olbermann was that humans on the Internet are scumbags.

People say children are cruel, but I was never made fun of as a child or an adult. Suddenly, my disability on the world wide web is fair game. I would look at clips online and see comments like, "Yo, why's she tweakin? " "Yo, is she retarded? " And my favorite, "Poor Gumby-mouth terrorist. What does she suffer from? We should really pray for her. " One commenter even suggested that I add my disability to my credits: screenwriter, comedian, palsy. Disability is as visual as race.

If a wheelchair user can't play Beyoncé, then Beyoncé can't play a wheelchair user. The disabled are the largest — Yeah, clap for that, man. C'mon. (Applause) People with disabilities are the largest minority in the world, and we are the most underrepresented in entertainment. The doctors said that I wouldn't walk, but I am here in front of you.

However, if I grew up with social media, I don't think I would be. I hope that together we can create more positive images of disability in the media and in everyday life. Perhaps if there were more positive images, it would foster less hate on the Internet. Or maybe not. Maybe it still takes a villageto teach our children well. My crooked journey has taken me to some very spectacular places.

I got to walk the red carpet flanked by soap diva Susan Lucci and the iconic Lorraine Arbus. I got to act in a movie with Adam Sandler and work with my idol, the amazing Dave Matthews. I toured the world as a headliner on Arabs Gone Wild. I was a delegate representing the great state of New Jersey at the 2008 DNC. And I founded Maysoon's Kids, a charity that hopes to give Palestinian refugee children a sliver of the chance my parents gave me. But the one moment that stands out the most was when I got -- before this moment -- (Laughter) (Applause) — but the one moment that stands out the most was when I got to perform for the man who floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee, has Parkinson's and shakes just like me, Muhammad Ali. (Applause) It was the only time that my father ever saw me perform live, and I dedicate this talk to his memory.

(In Arabic) My name is Maysoon Zayid, and if I can can, you can can.

(Applause)

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Maysoon Zayid: I got 99 problems... palsy is just one |||||cerebral palsy condition||| |||||Zerebralparese||| |||||뇌성마비||| |||||paralisi cerebr||| |||||脑瘫||| Майсун Заїд|Зайід||||параліч||| |||||parálisis cerebral||| Maysoon Zayid: Ich habe 99 Probleme... die Lähmung ist nur eines davon Maysoon Zayid: Έχω 99 προβλήματα... η παράλυση είναι μόνο ένα. Maysoon Zayid: Tengo 99 problemas... la parálisis es sólo uno Maysoon Zayid : J'ai 99 problèmes... la paralysie n'en est qu'un. Maysoon Zayid: ho 99 problemi... la paralisi è solo uno Maysoon Zayid: 私には99の問題がある...麻痺はそのひとつだ。 May순 자이드: 99개의 문제가 있는데... 마비는 하나에 불과합니다. Maysoon Zayid: turiu 99 problemas... paralyžius - tik viena iš jų Maysoon Zayid: Mam 99 problemów... porażenie to tylko jeden z nich. Maysoon Zayid: Tenho 99 problemas... a paralisia é apenas um deles Майсун Заид: У меня 99 проблем... паралич - только одна из них Maysoon Zayid: Jag har 99 problem... pares är bara ett Maysoon Zayid: 99 sorunum var... felç sadece bir tanesi Майсун Заїд: У мене 99 проблем... параліч - лише одна з них Maysoon Zayid:我有 99 个问题......麻痹只是其中之一 Maysoon Zayid:我有 99 個問題......麻痺只是其中之一

Hello, TEDWomen, what’s up. Merhaba, TEDWomen, naber. Привіт, TEDWomen, як справи?

(Cheers) 건배 (Şerefe)

Not good enough. Yeterince iyi değil. Недостатньо добре.

Hello, TEDWomen, what is up? 안녕하세요, TEDWomen|||| |Привіт, TEDWomen, як справи?||| Hola, TEDWomen, ¿qué tal? Merhaba TEDWomen, nasıl gidiyor? (Cheers) 건배 (Şerefe)

My name is Maysoon Zayid, and I am not drunk, but the doctor who delivered me was. |제 이름은||||||||||||||| ||||||||||||||me trajo|| Je m'appelle Maysoon Zayid et je ne suis pas ivre, mais le médecin qui m'a mise au monde l'était. 私の名前はメイソン・ザイードで、酔っ払っているわけではありませんが、私を取り上げた医者は酔っ払っていました。 Benim adım Maysoon Zayid ve ben sarhoş değilim ama beni doğurtan doktor sarhoştu.

He cut my mom six different times in six different directions, suffocating poor little me in the process. |||||||||||窒息|||||| |||||||||||erstickend|||||| ||||||||||방향으로||||나를|||과정에서 |||||||||||窒息させる|||||| |||||||||||душачи|||||| Er hat meine Mutter sechs Mal in sechs verschiedene Richtungen geschnitten und dabei mich fast erstickt. Cortó a mi madre seis veces en seis direcciones distintas, asfixiándome a mí en el proceso. Il a coupé ma mère six fois dans six directions différentes, étouffant la pauvre petite fille que j'étais. 彼は母を6回、6つの異なる方向に切り、私を窒息させてしまいました。 Он порезал мою маму шесть раз в шести разных направлениях, при этом задушив бедную маленькую меня. Annemi altı farklı yönden altı farklı kez kesti ve bu sırada zavallı küçük beni boğdu. As a result, I have cerebral palsy, which means I shake all the time. |||||zerebral|||||||| |||||뇌성의|||||||| |||||cerebral|||||||| |||||церебральний|||||||| |||||脳性|麻痺||||||| Als Ergebnis habe ich Zerebralparese, was bedeutet, dass ich die ganze Zeit zittere. Como resultado, tengo parálisis cerebral, lo que significa que tiemblo todo el tiempo. En conséquence, j'ai une paralysie cérébrale, ce qui signifie que je tremble tout le temps. その結果、私は脳性麻痺を持ち、常に震えています。 Sonuç olarak serebral palsi hastasıyım, yani sürekli titriyorum. Look. Schau. 見て。 Bak. It’s exhausting. |ermüdend |힘들어요. Это утомительно. Çok yorucu. I’m like Shakira, Shakira meets Muhammad Ali. |||夏奇拉||| ||샤키라|||| 私は|||||ムハンマド| ||Шакіра|||Мухаммед Алі|Мухаммед Алі 私はシャキーラのようです。シャキーラとモハメド・アリが出会ったようなものです。 Ben Shakira gibiyim, Shakira'nın Muhammed Ali ile buluşması. (Laughter) (笑い) C.P. <C>의 번역| C.P.

is not genetic. ||遺伝的 It’s not a birth defect. ||||这不是先天缺陷。 ||||Geburtsfehler ||||선천적 결함이 아니다. ||||Це не вроджений дефект. Il ne s'agit pas d'une malformation congénitale. You can’t catch it. ||잡다| それを捕まえることはできません。 No one put a curse on my mother’s uterus, and I didn’t get it because my parents are first cousins, which they are. ||||||||womb|||||||||||||| ||||Fluch||||Gebärmutter|||||||||||||| |||||||||||||||||||사촌들||| ||||诅咒||||子宫|||||||||||||| ||||||||матка|||||||||||||| ||||呪い||||子宮|||||||||||いとこ||| ||||||||útero|||||||||||||| Nadie echó una maldición sobre el útero de mi madre, y a mí no me la echaron porque mis padres sean primos hermanos, que lo son. Personne n'a jeté de malédiction sur l'utérus de ma mère, et je ne l'ai pas eue parce que mes parents sont cousins germains, ce qu'ils sont. 誰も私の母の子宮に呪いをかけていませんし、私の親がいとこ同士だからと言って、私はそれを受け継いだわけではありません。 Kimse annemin rahmine lanet koymadı ve ben de annemle babam birinci dereceden kuzen oldukları için lanetlenmedim. (Laughter) It only happens from accidents, like what happened to me on my birth day. |||||Unfällen||||||||| |||일어난다||||||||||| (笑) それは私の誕生日に起こったような事故からだけです。 Now, I must warn you, I’m not inspirational, and I don’t want anyone in this room to feel bad for me, because at some point in your life, you have dreamt of being disabled. |||||||inspirierend||||||||||||||||||||||||||behindert |||||||インスピレーショナル||||||||||||||||ある|||||||夢見た||| Je dois vous avertir que je ne suis pas une source d'inspiration, et je ne veux pas que quiconque dans cette salle se sente mal pour moi, parce qu'à un moment donné de votre vie, vous avez rêvé d'être handicapé. 今、警告しておきます。私は感動的ではありませんし、この部屋の誰にも私に対して気分が悪くなってほしくはありません。なぜなら、あなたの人生のある時点で、障害者になりたいと夢見たことがあるからです。

Come on a journey with me. ven||||| 私と一緒に旅をしませんか。 It’s Christmas Eve, you’re at the mall, you’re driving around in circles looking for parking, and what do you see? |||||||||||Kreisen|||||||| C'est la veille de Noël, vous êtes au centre commercial, vous tournez en rond à la recherche d'une place de parking, et que voyez-vous ? クリスマスイブです、ショッピングモールにいて、駐車場を探してぐるぐる回っています。さて、何が見えますか? Sixteen empty handicapped spaces. |leer|behinderten| ||障害者用| Dezesseis vagas vazias para deficientes. On altı boş engelli alanı. And you’re like, "God, can’t I just be a little disabled? ||||||||||behindert Et vous vous dites : "Mon Dieu, est-ce que je ne peux pas être un peu handicapé ? " (Laughter) Also, I gotta tell you, I got 99 problems, and palsy is just one. ||||||||||마비||| ||||||||||麻痺||| If there was an Oppression Olympics, I would win the gold medal. |||||||||||Goldmedaille ||||억압||||||| ||||抑圧||||||| S'il y avait des Jeux olympiques de l'oppression, je remporterais la médaille d'or. Eğer bir Zulüm Olimpiyatları olsaydı, altın madalyayı ben kazanırdım. I’m Palestinian, Muslim, I’m female, I’m disabled, and I live in New Jersey. ||||weiblich||behindert|||||| ||||||discapacitada|||||| (Laughter) (Applause) If you don’t feel better about yourself, maybe you should. Wenn du dich nicht besser fühlst, solltest du vielleicht. (Gelächter) (Applaus) (Rires) (Applaudissements) Si vous ne vous sentez pas mieux dans votre peau, vous devriez peut-être le faire. Cliffside Park, New Jersey is my hometown. 悬崖边|||||| Felsrand||||||Heimatstadt クリフサイド|||||| ||||||ciudad natal Cliffside Park, New Jersey ist meine Heimatstadt.

I have always loved the fact that my hood and my affliction share the same initials. |||||||||||Krankheit||||Initialen ||||||||neighborhood|||condition||||same letters |||||||||||病気|||| ||||||||barrio||||||| Ich habe schon immer geliebt, dass meine Hood und meine Affliction die gleichen Anfangsbuchstaben teilen. Siempre me ha encantado que mi capucha y mi aflicción compartan las mismas iniciales. J'ai toujours aimé le fait que ma capuche et ma maladie partagent les mêmes initiales. 私のフードと私の障害が同じ頭文字を持っているという事実を常に愛していました。 Eu sempre amei o fato de que meu capuz e minha aflição compartilham as mesmas iniciais. Мне всегда нравилось, что у моего капюшона и моего недуга одинаковые инициалы. Başlığımın ve rahatsızlığımın aynı baş harfleri paylaşmasını her zaman sevmişimdir. I also love the fact that if I wanted to walk from my house to New York City, I could. また、家からニューヨーク市まで歩きたいと思えばできるという事実も好きです。 A lot of people with C.P. Beaucoup de personnes atteintes de C.P. 多くの人々がC.P.を抱えています。

don’t walk, but my parents didn’t believe in "can’t. ne marche pas, mais mes parents ne croyaient pas à la notion de " ne pas pouvoir ". " My father’s mantra was, "You can do it, yes you can can. ||Lebensmotto||||||||| ||マントラ||||||||| " Der Leitspruch meines Vaters lautete: "Du kannst es schaffen, ja du kannst es schaffen." " (Laughter) So, if my three older sisters were mopping, I was mopping. |||||||||||拖地 ||||||||wischten den Boden||| ||||||||cleaning the floor||| |||||||||||モップ掛けしていました " (Lachen) Also, wenn meine drei älteren Schwestern den Boden gewischt haben, habe ich auch gewischt. "(Rires) Donc, si mes trois sœurs aînées passaient la serpillière, c'est moi qui le faisais. If my three older sisters went to public school, my parents would sue the school system and guarantee that I went too, and if we didn’t all get A’s, we all got my mother’s slipper. ||||||||||||klagen||||||||||||||||||||||Pantoffel ||||||||||||take legal action||||||||||||||||||||||shoe or sandal ||||||||||||訴える|||||||||||||||||||||| ||||||||||||demandarían||||||||||||||||||||||chancla de mamá Wenn meine drei älteren Schwestern zur öffentlichen Schule gingen, würden meine Eltern das Schulsystem verklagen und sicherstellen, dass auch ich hingehe, und wenn wir nicht alle Einsen bekamen, bekamen wir alle den Pantoffel meiner Mutter. Si mes trois sœurs aînées allaient à l'école publique, mes parents poursuivaient le système scolaire en justice et garantissaient que j'y aille aussi, et si nous n'avions pas toutes des A, nous recevions toutes la pantoufle de ma mère. もし私の三人の姉が公立学校に通っていたら、両親は学校制度を訴え、私も通うことを保証するでしょう。そして、もし私たち全員がAを取れなかったら、全員が母のスリッパをもらいました。 Se minhas três irmãs mais velhas freqüentassem a escola pública, meus pais processariam o sistema escolar e garantiriam que eu também frequentasse, e se nem todos recebemos notas A, todos temos o chinelo de minha mãe. Eğer üç ablam devlet okuluna giderse, ailem okul sistemine dava açar ve benim de gitmemi garanti ederdi ve eğer hepimiz A alamazsak, hepimiz annemin terliğini yerdik. (Laughter) My father taught me how to walk when I was five years oldby placing my heels on his feet and just walking. |||||||||||||时五岁||||||||| |||lehrte||||||||||"im Alter von"|platzieren||Fersen|||||| |||showed||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||||歳||||||||| |||||||||||||de edad||||||||| (Gelächter) Mein Vater hat mir beigebracht, wie man mit fünf Jahren läuft, indem er meine Fersen auf seine Füße gestellt hat und einfach gelaufen ist. (Risas) Mi padre me enseñó a andar cuando tenía cinco años, colocando mis talones sobre sus pies y simplemente caminando. (Rires) Mon père m'a appris à marcher à l'âge de cinq ans en plaçant mes talons sur ses pieds et en marchant. (笑い) 父は私が5歳の時に、足を彼の足の上に置いて歩く方法を教えてくれました。 (Risos) Meu pai me ensinou a andar quando eu tinha cinco anos, colocando os calcanhares nos pés e apenas andando. Another tactic that he used is he would dangle a dollar bill in front of me and have me chase it. ||||||||vorhalten|||||||||||jagen| ||||||||suspend|||||||||||| |戦術|||||||ぶら下げる|||||||||||追いかける| Eine andere Taktik, die er benutzte, war, mir einen Dollarschein vor die Nase zu halten und mich ihn jagen zu lassen. Otra táctica que utilizaba era colgar un billete de un dólar delante de mí para que lo persiguiera. Une autre tactique qu'il utilisait consistait à me faire miroiter un billet d'un dollar et à me demander de le poursuivre. 彼が使った別の戦術は、私の前にドル紙幣をぶら下げて、私にそれを追わせることでした。 Outra tática que ele usou é que ele balançava uma nota de dólar na minha frente e me perseguia. (Laughter) My inner stripper was very strong, and by -- (Laughter) Yeah. |||脱衣舞娘||||||| |Mein||innere Stripperin||||||| (Rires) Mon strip-teaseur intérieur était très fort, et par... (Rires) Oui. (笑い) 私の内なるストリッパーは非常に強かった。 No, by the first day of kindergarten, I was walking like a champ who had been punched one too many times. ||||||||||||拳击手|||||||| ||||||||||||Meister|||||||| ||||||幼稚園|||||||||||||| Nein, am ersten Tag im Kindergarten lief ich wie ein Profi, der zu oft geschlagen wurde. No, el primer día de guardería ya caminaba como un campeón que ha recibido demasiados puñetazos. Non, dès le premier jour de l'école maternelle, je marchais comme un champion qui avait reçu un coup de poing de trop. Hayır, anaokulunun ilk gününde, çok fazla yumruk yemiş bir şampiyon gibi yürüyordum. Growing up, there were only six Arabs in my town, and they were all my family. ||||||アラブ人||||||||| Als ich aufwuchs, gab es nur sechs Araber in meiner Stadt, und sie waren alle meine Familie. Dans mon enfance, il n'y avait que six Arabes dans ma ville, et ils faisaient tous partie de ma famille.

Now there are 20 Arabs in town, and they are still all my family. |||Araber||||||||| |||アラブ人||||||||| Jetzt gibt es 20 Araber in der Stadt, und sie sind immer noch alle meine Familie. (Laughter) I don’t think anyone even noticed we weren’t Italian. ||||||bemerkte||| (Laughter) (Applause) This was before 9/11 and before politicians thought it was appropriate to use "I hate Moslems" as a campaign slogan. |||||||||||angemessen|||||Muslime||||Wahlkampfslogan ||||||prior to|||||||||||||| ||||||||||||||||ムスリム|||| risa|||||||||||||||||||| (Gülüşmeler) (Alkışlar) Bu 11 Eylül'den önceydi ve politikacılar "Müslümanlardan nefret ediyorum" ifadesini bir kampanya sloganı olarak kullanmanın uygun olduğunu düşünmeden önceydi. The people that I grew up with had no problem with my faith. ||||||||||||Glauben They did, however, seem very concerned that I would starve to death during Ramadan. |||||besorgt||||verhungern||||Ramadan |||||||||飢える|||| Sin embargo, parecían muy preocupados por si me moría de hambre durante el Ramadán. Ils semblaient toutefois très inquiets de me voir mourir de faim pendant le ramadan. I would explain to them that I have enough fat to live off of for three whole months, so fasting from sunrise to sunset is a piece of cake. |||||||||||||||||||||Sonnenaufgang||Sonnenuntergang||||| |||||||||grasa|||de la que vivir|||||||||||||||| Les explicaría que tengo suficiente grasa para vivir tres meses enteros, así que ayunar de sol a sol es pan comido. Je leur expliquerais que j'ai assez de graisse pour vivre pendant trois mois entiers, alors jeûner du lever au coucher du soleil est un jeu d'enfant. I have tap-danced on Broadway. |||||百老汇 |||||Broadway |||||ブロードウェイ Ich habe auf dem Broadway getanzt.

Yeah, on Broadway. ||ブロードウェイ Ja, auf dem Broadway. It’s crazy. Es ist verrückt. (Applause) My parents couldn’t afford physical therapy, so they sent me to dancing school. ||||sich leisten||||||||| (拍手) 私の両親は理学療法を受けさせる余裕がなかったので、ダンススクールに通わせてくれました。 I learned how to dance in heels, which means I can walk in heels. 私はヒールで踊る方法を学び、ヒールを履いて歩くことができるようになりました。 And I’m from Jersey, and we are really concerned with being chic, so if my friends wore heels, so did I. |||||||||||时髦||||||||| ||||||||besorgt|||schick|||||trugen|Absätzen||| |||||||||||おしゃれ||||||||| Y soy de Jersey, y nos preocupamos mucho por ser chic, así que si mis amigas llevaban tacones, yo también. そして私はジャージー出身で、私たちは本当にシックであることを気にしています。だから、もし友達がヒールを履いていれば、私もそうしました。 Ben Jersey'liyim ve şık olmaya çok önem veririz, bu yüzden arkadaşlarım topuklu giyiyorsa ben de giyerdim. And when my friends went and spent their summer vacations on the Jersey Shore, I did not.I spent my summers in a war zone, because my parents were afraid that if we didn’t go back to Palestine every single summer, we’d grow up to be Madonna. ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||麦当娜 |||||||||Urlaub||||||||||||||||||||||||||||Palästina||||||||| ||||||||||||||||||||夏||||||||||||||||||||||||||マドンナ ||||||||||||||||||pasé|||||||||||||||||||||||||||| J'ai passé mes étés dans une zone de guerre, parce que mes parents avaient peur que si nous ne retournions pas en Palestine chaque été, nous deviendrions Madonna. Arkadaşlarım yaz tatillerini Jersey Shore'da geçirirken ben geçirmedim. Yazlarımı savaş bölgesinde geçirdim çünkü ailem her yaz Filistin'e dönmezsek büyüyünce Madonna olacağımızdan korkuyordu.

(Laughter) Summer vacations often consisted of my father trying to heal me, so I drank deer’s milk, I had hot cups on my back, I was dunked in the Dead Sea, and I remember the water burning my eyes and thinking, "It’s working! |||||||||||||||鹿的||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ||||bestand aus|||||||||||Hirschmilch|||||Tassen||||||eingetaucht|||||||||||||||| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||immersed|||||||||||||||| ||||構成されていた||||||||||||||||||||||浸けられた|||||||||||||||| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||sumergido|||||||||||||||| (Risas) Las vacaciones de verano consistían a menudo en que mi padre intentaba curarme, así que bebía leche de ciervo, me ponían tazas calientes en la espalda, me sumergían en el Mar Muerto, y recuerdo que el agua me quemaba los ojos y pensaba: "¡Está funcionando! (Rires) Pendant les vacances d'été, mon père essayait souvent de me guérir, alors je buvais du lait de cervoise, on me mettait des tasses chaudes sur le dos, on me plongeait dans la mer Morte, et je me souviens que l'eau me brûlait les yeux et que je me disais : "Ça marche ! (Risos) As férias de verão muitas vezes consistiam em meu pai tentando me curar, então eu bebia leite de veado, tinha xícaras quentes nas costas, estava mergulhado no Mar Morto e lembro da água queimando meus olhos e pensando: "É trabalhando! (Kahkahalar) Yaz tatilleri genellikle babamın beni iyileştirmeye çalışmasından ibaretti, bu yüzden geyik sütü içtim, sırtımda sıcak kaplar vardı, Ölü Deniz'e batırıldım ve suyun gözlerimi yaktığını ve "İşe yarıyor!" diye düşündüğümü hatırlıyorum. It’s working! Está funcionando! " (Laughter) But one miracle cure we did find was yoga. Aber eine Wunderkur, die wir gefunden haben, war Yoga. Mais nous avons trouvé un remède miracle : le yoga. Mas uma cura milagrosa que encontramos foi a ioga.

I have to tell you, it’s very boring, but before I did yoga, I was a stand-up comedian who can’t stand up. ||||||||||||||||||コメディアン|||| |tengo que||||||||||||||||||||| Ich muss dir sagen, es ist sehr langweilig, aber bevor ich Yoga gemacht habe, war ich ein Stand-up-Comedian, der nicht aufstehen kann. Je dois vous dire que c'est très ennuyeux, mais avant de faire du yoga, j'étais un comédien qui ne pouvait pas se lever. Eu tenho que te dizer, é muito chato, mas antes de fazer ioga, eu era um comediante de stand-up que não consegue ficar de pé. Çok sıkıcı olduğunu söylemeliyim ama yoga yapmadan önce ayakta duramayan bir stand-up komedyeniydim. And now I can stand on my head. Und jetzt kann ich auf meinem Kopf stehen. E agora eu posso ficar de cabeça para baixo. My parents reinforced this notion that I could do anything, that no dream was impossible, and my dream was to be on the daytime soap opera "General Hospital. ||bestärkt||||||||||||||||||||der|Tagsüber|||| ||強化した||考え|||||||||||||||||||||オペラ|| Mis padres me reforzaron la idea de que podía hacer cualquier cosa, de que ningún sueño era imposible, y mi sueño era aparecer en la telenovela diurna "Hospital General". Mes parents ont renforcé cette idée que je pouvais tout faire, qu'aucun rêve n'était impossible, et mon rêve était de jouer dans le feuilleton télévisé "General Hospital". Meus pais reforçaram essa noção de que eu podia fazer qualquer coisa, que nenhum sonho era impossível, e meu sonho era estar na novela diurna “General Hospital”. Ailem her şeyi yapabileceğim, hiçbir hayalin imkânsız olmadığı fikrini pekiştirdi ve benim hayalim de gündüz kuşağı pembe dizisi "General Hospital "da oynamaktı. " I went to college during affirmative action and got a sweet scholarship to ASU, Arizona State University, because I fit every single quota. |||||||||||||亚利桑那州立大学|||||||||配额 |||||positive Maßnahmen||||||Stipendium||ASU, Arizona State|||||||||Quote Quotenregelung |||||supportive policies||||||||||||||||| |||||アファーマティブ||||||||ASU|アリゾナ||||||||枠に合う ||||||||||||||||||||||cuota establecida "Fui a la universidad durante la discriminación positiva y conseguí una dulce beca para la ASU, Arizona State University, porque cumplía todos y cada uno de los cupos. " Je suis allée à l'université dans le cadre de la discrimination positive et j'ai obtenu une bourse d'études à l'ASU, l'université d'État de l'Arizona, parce que je répondais à tous les quotas. "Fui para a faculdade durante a ação afirmativa e consegui uma bolsa de estudos para a ASU, Arizona State University, porque me encaixo em todas as cotas. " Я училась в колледже во время действия программы "За права человека" и получила сладкую стипендию в ASU (Университет штата Аризона), потому что соответствовала всем квотам. " Pozitif ayrımcılık döneminde üniversiteye gittim ve her bir kotaya uyduğum için ASU'ya, Arizona Eyalet Üniversitesi'ne güzel bir burs kazandım. I was like the pet lemur of the theater department. |||||戏剧系的宠物狐猴|||| |||||Ich war wie das Haustier-Lemur der Theaterabteilung.|||| |||||theater pet|||| |||||劇団のペットのキツネザル|||| |||||lemur mascota|||| Yo era como el lémur mascota del departamento de teatro. J'étais comme le lémurien du département théâtre. Tiyatro bölümünün evcil lemuru gibiydim. Everybody loved me. I did all the less-than-intelligent kids' homework, I got A’s in all of my classes, A’s in all of their classes. |||the||||||I||||||||||||| Je faisais tous les devoirs des enfants moins intelligents, j'avais des A dans toutes mes classes, des A dans toutes leurs classes. 私はすべてのあまり頭の良くない子供たちの宿題をやってしまい、全ての授業でAを取り、彼らの授業でもAを取りました。 Benden daha az zeki çocukların ödevlerini yaptım, tüm derslerimden A aldım, onların tüm derslerinden A aldım. Every time I did a scene from "The Glass Menagerie," my professors would weep. |||||||||Menagerie||||weinen |||||||||glass collection||||cry or sob |||||||||ガラスの動物園||||泣く |||||||||La menagerie||||lloraban Chaque fois que je jouais une scène de "La ménagerie de verre", mes professeurs pleuraient. 「ガラスの動物園」のシーンを演じるたびに、私の教授たちは涙を流しました。 Toda vez que eu fazia uma cena de "The Glass Menagerie", meus professores choravam. Ne zaman "The Glass Menagerie "den bir sahne oynasam, hocalarım ağlardı. But I never got cast. Pero nunca me dieron el papel. Mais je n'ai jamais été choisi. でも、私はキャストに選ばれたことはありませんでした。 Но я так и не прошел кастинг. Finally, my senior year, ASU decided to do a show called "They Dance Real Slow in Jackson. ||||||||||||||遅い (おそい)|| Finalmente, en mi último año, la ASU decidió hacer un espectáculo llamado "They Dance Real Slow in Jackson". Enfin, lors de ma dernière année, l'ASU a décidé d'organiser un spectacle intitulé "They Dance Real Slow in Jackson" (Ils dansent vraiment lentement à Jackson). Наконец, в выпускном классе АГУ решили сделать шоу под названием "В Джексоне танцуют очень медленно". " It’s a play about a girl with C.P. "Es una obra sobre una chica con C.P. I was a girl with C.P. J'étais une fille avec un C.P. So I start shouting from the rooftops, "I’m finally going to get a part! |||schreien|||Dächer||||||| ||||||屋根の上から||||||| Je commence donc à crier sur tous les toits : "Je vais enfin avoir un rôle ! だから私は屋根の上から叫び始めます、「私はついに役を得る!」 Então comecei a gritar dos telhados: "Finalmente vou conseguir um papel! I have cerebral palsy! ||zerebral| ||脳性|麻痺 私は脳性麻痺です! Eu tenho paralisia cerebral! Free at last! ついに自由だ! Finalmente livre! Sonunda özgürüm! Free at last! ¡Por fin libre! ついに自由だ! Thank God almighty, I’m free at last! ||allmächtig|||| ||all-powerful|||| ||全能の|||| 神様に感謝します、私はついに自由です! Graças a Deus todo-poderoso, finalmente estou livre! " I didn’t get the part. "私はそのパートをもらえませんでした。" "Não consegui o papel. (Laughter)Sherry Brown got the part. |雪莉|||| |シェリー|||| (Rires)Sherry Brown a obtenu le rôle. I went racing to the head of the theater department crying hysterically, like someone shot my cat, to ask her why, and she said it was because they didn’t think I could do the stunts. |||||||||||歇斯底里地||||||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||hysterisch weinend||||||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||狂ったように|||||||||||||||||||||||スタント Fui corriendo a ver a la jefa del departamento de teatro llorando histéricamente, como si alguien hubiera disparado a mi gato, para preguntarle por qué, y me dijo que era porque no creían que yo pudiera hacer las acrobacias. Je suis allée voir la directrice du département théâtre en pleurant hystériquement, comme si on avait tué mon chat, pour lui demander pourquoi, et elle m'a répondu que c'était parce qu'ils ne pensaient pas que je pouvais faire les cascades. Biri kedimi vurmuş gibi histerik bir şekilde ağlayarak tiyatro bölümünün başına koştum ve nedenini sordum, o da dublörlük yapamayacağımı düşündükleri için olduğunu söyledi. I said, "Excuse me, if I can’t do the stunts, neither can the character. |||||||||スタント|||| ||perdón||||no puedo|||acrobacias|||| J'ai répondu : "Excusez-moi, mais si je ne peux pas faire les cascades, le personnage non plus. 私は言った、「すみません、もし私がスタントをできないなら、キャラクターもできないでしょう。」 Dedim ki, "Affedersiniz, ben dublörlük yapamazsam karakter de yapamaz. " (Laughter) (Applause) This was a part that I was literally born to play and they gave it, they gave it to a non-palsy actress. |||||||||文字通り||||||||||||||| ||esto|||||||||||||||||||||| "(Rires) (Applaudissements) C'était un rôle pour lequel j'étais littéralement née et ils l'ont donné, ils l'ont donné à une actrice non paralysée. (笑い)(拍手)これは私が文字通り演じるために生まれてきた役で、彼らはそれを、彼らはパーキンソン病でない女優に与えました。 College was imitating life. ||reflecting| ||模倣している| Das College imitierte das Leben. La universidad imitaba a la vida. L'université imitait la vie. 大学は人生を模倣していました。 Üniversite hayatı taklit ediyordu. Hollywood has a sordid history of casting able-bodied actors to play disabled onscreen. ||||||||健全的||||| |||schändlich|||||nicht behindert||||behindert|auf dem Bildschirm |||shameful|||||||||| |||不名誉な|||||健常者|||||画面上で Hollywood hat eine traurige Geschichte von der Besetzung von körperlich gesunden Schauspielern, die Behinderte auf der Leinwand spielen. Hollywood tiene un sórdido historial de contratar a actores sanos para interpretar a discapacitados en la pantalla. Hollywood a une histoire sordide de casting d'acteurs valides pour jouer des handicapés à l'écran. ハリウッドは、障害のある役を演じるために健常者の俳優をキャスティングするという不名誉な歴史を持っています。 Hollywood'un ekranda engellileri oynaması için sağlam aktörlere rol verme konusunda kötü bir geçmişi var. Upon graduating, I moved back home, and my first acting gig was as an extra on a daytime soap opera. |absolvieren|||||||||||||||||| 졸업하자||||||||||||||||||| Nach dem Abschluss zog ich wieder nach Hause und mein erster Schauspieljob war als Statist in einer Seifenoper am Tag. Cuando me licencié, volví a casa y mi primera actuación fue como extra en una telenovela diurna. Après avoir obtenu mon diplôme, je suis retournée vivre chez moi et j'ai commencé à jouer en tant que figurante dans un feuilleton télévisé. 卒業後、私は実家に戻り、最初の演技の仕事は昼間のソープオペラのエキストラでした。 Ao me formar, voltei para casa e meu primeiro trabalho como ator foi como figurante em uma novela diurna. По окончании университета я переехала на родину, и первым моим актерским проектом стала роль статистки в дневной мыльной опере. Mezun olduktan sonra eve geri taşındım ve ilk oyunculuk işim bir gündüz pembe dizisinde figüranlık yapmak oldu.

My dream was coming true. 私の夢が叶おうとしています。 And I knew that I would be promoted from "diner diner" to "wacky best friend" in no time. |||||||||Diner|||verrückte beste Freundin||||| |||||||||diner role|||quirky sidekick||||| |||||||||ダイナー|ダイナー||突飛な||||| Y supe que me ascenderían de "comensal" a "mejor amigo chiflado" en un santiamén. Et je savais que je serais promue de "diner diner" à "meilleure amie farfelue" en un rien de temps. そして、私は「ダイナーのダイナー」から「ワacky親友」にすぐに昇進するだろうと知っていました。 E eu sabia que seria promovido de "restaurante" a "melhor amigo maluco" em pouco tempo. But instead, I remained a glorified piece of furniture that you could only recognize from the back of my head, and it became clear to me that casting directors didn’t hire fluffy, ethnic, disabled actors. |||||被美化的||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |||blieb||verherrlichtes||||||||erkennen||||||||||||||Besetzung|Regisseure||engagieren|pummelig||behindert| |||||elevated||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||ふわふわした||| Pero en lugar de eso, seguí siendo un mueble glorificado que sólo se reconocía por la nuca, y me quedó claro que los directores de casting no contrataban a actores esponjosos, étnicos y discapacitados. Mais au lieu de cela, je suis resté un meuble glorifié que l'on ne pouvait reconnaître qu'à l'arrière de ma tête, et il m'est apparu clairement que les directeurs de casting n'engageaient pas d'acteurs duveteux, ethniques et handicapés. しかし、その代わりに、私はただ後頭部からしか認識されない華やかな家具のような存在のままで、キャスティングディレクターたちがふわふわした、民族的で、障害のある俳優を雇わないことが明らかになりました。 Mas, em vez disso, eu permaneci uma peça de mobília glorificada que você só podia reconhecer de trás da minha cabeça, e ficou claro para mim que os diretores de elenco não contratam atores fofos, étnicos e deficientes. They only hired perfect people.But there were exceptions to the rule. ||||||||Ausnahmen||| |||||||||||regla 彼らは完璧な人々だけを雇いました。しかし、例外がありました。 I grew up watching Whoopi Goldberg, Roseanne Barr, Ellen, and all of these women had one thing in common: they were comedians. ||||Whoopi Goldberg||||||||||||||||| ||||ウーピー・ゴールドバーグ|ゴールドバーグ|ローズアン・バー|バール||||||||||||||コメディアン J'ai grandi en regardant Whoopi Goldberg, Roseanne Barr, Ellen, et toutes ces femmes avaient une chose en commun : elles étaient des humoristes. So I became a comic. (Laughter) (Applause) My first gig was driving famous comics from New York City to shows in New Jersey, and I’ll never forget the face of the first comic I ever drove when he realized that he was speeding down the New Jersey Turnpike with a chick with C.P. ||||||Comedians|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||rasen|||||Autobahn|||||| ||||운전하는|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||ニュージャージー高速道路|||チック||| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||conduje|||||||||||||||||| Mi primer trabajo fue llevar a cómicos famosos de Nueva York a espectáculos en Nueva Jersey, y nunca olvidaré la cara del primer cómico al que llevé cuando se dio cuenta de que iba a toda velocidad por la autopista de Nueva Jersey con una chica con C.P. Je n'oublierai jamais la tête du premier comique que j'ai conduit lorsqu'il s'est rendu compte qu'il roulait à toute allure sur l'autoroute du New Jersey avec une nana qui avait des troubles de la personnalité. 私の最初のギグは、有名なコミックをニューヨーク市からニュージャージーのショーまで運転することでした.私が初めて運転したコミックの顔を、彼がCPのひよこでニュージャージーターンパイクをスピードダウンしていることに気付いたとき、私は決して忘れません Meu primeiro show foi dirigir quadrinhos famosos de Nova York para shows em Nova Jersey, e nunca vou esquecer a cara do primeiro quadrinho que dirigi quando ele percebeu que estava acelerando na New Jersey Turnpike com uma garota com CP

driving him. I’ve performed in clubs all over America, and I’ve also performed in Arabic in the Middle East, uncensored and uncovered. |||||||||||||||||不受审查|| |aufgetreten||||||||||||||||unzensiert||unzensiert und unbedeckt |||||||||||||||||without restrictions|| |||||||||||||||||無検閲で|| ||||||||||actuado||||||||| He actuado en clubes de toda América, y también he actuado en árabe en Oriente Medio, sin censura y al descubierto. 私はアメリカ中のクラブで演奏してきましたし、中東ではアラビア語で、検閲も露出もせずに演奏したことがあります。 Some people say I’m the first stand-up comic in the Arab world. ||||||||||||mundo árabe I never like to claim first, but I do know that they never heard that nasty little rumor that women aren’t funny, and they find us hysterical. |||||||||||||||||谣言|||||||||搞笑的 ||||behaupten|||||||||||gemein||Gerücht|||nicht||||||hysterisch |||||||||||||||いやな||噂|||||||||おかしい Nunca me gusta afirmar lo primero, pero sí sé que nunca han oído ese desagradable rumor de que las mujeres no somos graciosas, y nos encuentran histéricas. Je n'aime jamais prétendre être la première, mais je sais qu'ils n'ont jamais entendu cette méchante petite rumeur selon laquelle les femmes ne sont pas drôles, et qu'ils nous trouvent hystériques. 私は決して最初に主張するのは好きではないが、彼らが女性は面白くないという悪意のある噂を聞いたことがないことは知っていて、彼らは私たちを非常に面白いと思っている。 Eu nunca gosto de reclamar primeiro, mas eu sei que eles nunca ouviram aquele boato desagradável de que as mulheres não são engraçadas, e eles nos acham histéricos. Я никогда не люблю утверждать, что я первый, но я знаю, что они никогда не слышали этой мерзкой сплетни о том, что женщины не смешные, и они находят нас истеричными. In 2003, my brother from another mother and father Dean Obeidallah and I started the New York Arab-American Comedy Festival, now in its 10th year. |||||||||奥贝达拉||||||||||||||| |||||||||Obeidallah||||||||||Festival||||| ||||||||ディーン|オベイダラ||||||||||||||| En 2003, mon frère d'une autre mère et d'un autre père, Dean Obeidallah, et moi-même avons lancé le New York Arab-American Comedy Festival, qui en est aujourd'hui à sa dixième édition. 2003年に、私のもう一人の母親と父親の兄弟であるディーン・オベイダラと私たちは、現在10年目を迎えるニューヨーク・アラブ系アメリカ人コメディフェスティバルを始めました。 Our goal was to change the negative image of Arab-Americans in media, while also reminding casting directors that South Asian and Arab are not synonymous. |||||||||||||||||||||||||동의어인 |||||||||||||||||||||||||同義ではない |||||||||||||||recordando que|||||||||| Notre objectif était de changer l'image négative des Arabo-Américains dans les médias, tout en rappelant aux directeurs de casting que Sud-Asiatique et Arabe ne sont pas synonymes. 私たちの目標は、メディアにおけるアラブ系アメリカ人の否定的なイメージを変えることであり、同時にキャスティングディレクターに南アジアとアラブが同義ではないことを思い出させることでした。 (Laughter)Mainstreaming Arabs was much, much easier than conquering the challenge against the stigma against disability. |主流化|||||||||||||| |Integrieren|||||||erobern||Herausforderung|||Stigma||Behinderung |||||||||||||낙인|| |主流化|||||||克服する|||に対する||障害に対するスティグマ||障害 (Gelächter) Die Integration von Arabern war viel, viel einfacher als die Herausforderung, gegen das Stigma gegen Behinderungen anzukämpfen. (Risas)Integrar a los árabes fue mucho, mucho más fácil que conquistar el reto contra el estigma de la discapacidad. (Rires)Il a été beaucoup plus facile d'intégrer les Arabes que de relever le défi de la stigmatisation du handicap. (笑) アラブ人を主流化することは、障害に対するスティグマに対する挑戦を克服することよりもはるかに簡単でした。 (Risos) A integração dos árabes foi muito, muito mais fácil do que vencer o desafio contra o estigma contra a deficiência. My big break came in 2010. Mein großer Durchbruch kam im Jahr 2010. Mi gran oportunidad llegó en 2010. Minha grande chance veio em 2010.

I was invited to be a guest on the cable news show "Countdown With Keith Olbermann. ||eingeladen|||||||||||||Olbermann ||||||||||||||キース・オルバーマン|オルバーマン Ich wurde eingeladen, Gast in der Kabelfernsehsendung "Countdown With Keith Olbermann" zu sein. Me invitaron a participar en el programa de noticias por cable "Countdown With Keith Olbermann". " I walked in looking like I was going to the prom, and they shuffle me into a studio and seat me on a spinning, rolling chair. ||||||||||Abschlussball|||mischen||||||||||drehenden|rollend| ||||||||||promenade||||||||||||||| ||||||||||プロム|||押し込む|||||||||||| "Entré con cara de ir al baile de graduación, me metieron en un estudio y me sentaron en una silla giratoria. " Je suis entré en ayant l'air d'aller au bal de fin d'année, et ils m'ont fait entrer dans un studio et m'ont assis sur une chaise roulante. "プロムに行くような格好で入ったら、スタジオに通され、回転するローリングチェアーに座らされたんだ。 "Eu entrei parecendo que estava indo para o baile, e eles me arrastaram para um estúdio e me sentaram em uma cadeira giratória. So I looked at the stage manager and I’m like, "Excuse me, can I have another chair? |||||Bühne||||||||||| J'ai donc regardé le régisseur et je lui ai dit : "Excusez-moi, puis-je avoir une autre chaise ? Então olhei para o gerente de palco e pensei: "Com licença, posso ter outra cadeira? " And she looked at me and she went, "Five, four, three, two ..." And we were live, right? " Elle m'a regardé et m'a dit : "Cinq, quatre, trois, deux..." Et nous étions en direct, n'est-ce pas ? " E ela olhou para mim e disse: "Cinco, quatro, três, dois ..." E estávamos ao vivo, certo? So I had to grip onto the anchor’s desk so that I wouldn’t roll off the screen during the segment, and when the interview was over, I was livid. |||||||主播的|||||||||||||||||||||怒不可遏 ||||festhalten|||des Moderators|||||||||||||||||||||außer sich ||||hold on to|||anchor's desk|||||||||||||||||||||extremely angry |||||||アンカーの|||||||||||||||||||||怒っていた Así que tuve que agarrarme a la mesa del presentador para no salirme de la pantalla durante el segmento y, cuando terminó la entrevista, me quedé lívido. J'ai donc dû m'agripper au bureau du présentateur pour ne pas rouler hors de l'écran pendant la séquence, et lorsque l'interview s'est terminée, j'étais livide. Então eu tive que me segurar na mesa do âncora para não rolar para fora da tela durante o segmento, e quando a entrevista acabou, eu estava lívido. Поэтому мне пришлось ухватиться за стол ведущего, чтобы не скатиться с экрана во время эфира, и когда интервью закончилось, я была в ярости. I had finally gotten my chance and I blew it, and I knew I would never get invited back. |||||||Ich||es||||||||eingeladen| ||||||||screwed up|||||||||| ||||||||台無しにした|||||||||| ||||||||||y|||||||| Ich hatte endlich meine Chance bekommen und habe sie vermasselt, und ich wusste, dass ich nie wieder eingeladen werde. Por fin había tenido mi oportunidad y la había desperdiciado, y sabía que nunca me volverían a invitar. J'avais enfin eu ma chance et je l'avais gâchée, et je savais que je ne serais jamais réinvité. Eu finalmente tive minha chance e estraguei tudo, e eu sabia que nunca seria convidado de volta. But not only did Mr. Olbermann invite me back, he made me a full-time contributor, and he taped down my chair. ||||||||||||||||||固定住||| |||||||||||||||Beitragender|||tape||| ||||||||||||||||||固定した||| Aber nicht nur hat mich Herr Olbermann wieder eingeladen, er hat mich zum Vollzeit-Mitarbeiter gemacht und meinen Stuhl festgeklebt. Pero el Sr. Olbermann no sólo me invitó a volver, sino que me hizo colaborador a tiempo completo y me tapó la silla con cinta adhesiva. Mais non seulement M. Olbermann m'a réinvité, mais il a fait de moi un collaborateur à plein temps et il a scotché ma chaise. Но г-н Ольберман не только пригласил меня обратно, он сделал меня штатным сотрудником и заклеил мое кресло. (Laughter) (Applause) |aplausos (Lachen) (Applaus) One fun fact I learned while on the air with Keith Olbermann was that humans on the Internet are scumbags. |||||||||||||||||||人渣 |||||||||||||||||||Drecksäcke |||||||||||||||||||terrible people |||||||||||||||||||クズども Un fait amusant que j'ai appris lorsque j'étais à l'antenne avec Keith Olbermann, c'est que les internautes sont des salauds. キース・オルバーマンとの放送中に知った楽しい事実は、インターネット上の人間は卑劣な人間だということです。

People say children are cruel, but I was never made fun of as a child or an adult. ||||残酷||||||||||||| Les gens disent que les enfants sont cruels, mais on ne s'est jamais moqué de moi, que je sois enfant ou adulte. 人々は子供は残酷だと言いますが、私は子供の頃も大人の頃もけなされたことはありませんでした。 Suddenly, my disability on the world wide web is fair game. ||disabilità|||||||fair = fair| Plötzlich wird meine Behinderung im World Wide Web fair behandelt. De repente, mi discapacidad en la red es un juego limpio. Tout d'un coup, mon handicap sur le web est devenu un enjeu. 突然、私の障害がインターネット上でのターゲットになりました。 De repente, minha deficiência na world wide web é um jogo justo. I would look at clips online and see comments like, "Yo, why’s she tweakin? |||||||||||||发疯 ||||||||comments|||warum ist||tweaking |||||||||||なぜ~してるの||イカれてる Ich würde mir Clips online ansehen und Kommentare wie "Yo, warum zuckt sie?" sehen. 私はオンラインのクリップを見て、「おい、彼女はなぜこんなにおかしいの?」というコメントを見かけました。 Eu olhava os clipes online e via comentários como: "Ei, por que ela está mexendo? " "Yo, is she retarded? |||她有病吗? |||„geistig behindert“ |||intellectually disabled |||遅れている "" "Yo, ist sie zurückgeblieben? " And my favorite, "Poor Gumby-mouth terrorist. ||||Gumby-Mund-Terrorist|| ||||ガンビー|| "Und mein Favorit, "Armer Gumby-Mund-Terrorist." " Y mi favorito, "Pobre terrorista de boca de chicle. 」 そして私のお気に入りは、「かわいそうなガンビー口のテロリスト。 " E o meu favorito, "Pobre terrorista boca de goma. " И мое любимое: "Бедный террорист Гамби-рот. What does she suffer from? |||suffers| |||苦しむ| Woran leidet sie? De quoi souffre-t-elle ? 彼女は何に苦しんでいるのですか? Do que ela sofre? We should really pray for her. Wir sollten wirklich für sie beten. Nous devrions vraiment prier pour elle. 私たちは本当に彼女のために祈るべきです。 " One commenter even suggested that I add my disability to my credits: screenwriter, comedian, palsy. |评论者||||||||||荣誉列表||| |commenter = person who comments||suggested = suggested|||||||||screenwriter|| |コメント投稿者|||||||||||脚本家|| "Ein Kommentator schlug sogar vor, dass ich meine Behinderung zu meinen Credits hinzufüge: Drehbuchautor, Komiker, Lähmung." " Un commentateur m'a même suggéré d'ajouter mon handicap à mon générique : scénariste, comédien, paralysé. "あるコメント者は、私のクレジットに障害を追加することを提案しました:脚本家、コメディアン、脳性麻痺。 "Um comentarista até sugeriu que eu adicionasse minha deficiência aos meus créditos: roteirista, comediante, paralisia. Disability is as visual as race. Behinderung ist genauso sichtbar wie Rasse. 障害は人種と同じように視覚的です。

If a wheelchair user can’t play Beyoncé, then Beyoncé can’t play a wheelchair user. ||wheelchair||||||Beyoncé||||| ||||||ビヨンセ||ビヨンセ||||| ||||||||||||usuario de silla de ruedas| Wenn ein Rollstuhlfahrer Beyoncé nicht spielen kann, dann kann Beyoncé auch keinen Rollstuhlfahrer spielen. Si une personne en fauteuil roulant ne peut pas jouer le rôle de Beyoncé, alors Beyoncé ne peut pas jouer le rôle d'une personne en fauteuil roulant. 車椅子を使う人がビヨンセを演奏できないのなら、ビヨンセも車椅子を使う人を演奏できません。 Se um usuário de cadeira de rodas não pode interpretar Beyoncé, então Beyoncé não pode interpretar um usuário de cadeira de rodas. Если инвалид-колясочник не может сыграть Бейонсе, то Бейонсе не может сыграть инвалида-колясочника. The disabled are the largest — Yeah, clap for that, man. |disabled|||||to clap||| ||||||拍手||| 障害者は最大のグループです — それに拍手を送りましょう、皆さん。 Os deficientes são os maiores — Sim, aplaudam por isso, cara. C’mon. おいで Vamos lá. (Applause) People with disabilities are the largest minority in the world, and we are the most underrepresented in entertainment. ||||||||||||||||代表不足|| ||||||||||||||||unterrepräsentiert|| 拍手||||||||||||||||過小評価されている|| The doctors said that I wouldn’t walk, but I am here in front of you.

However, if I grew up with social media, I don’t think I would be. Wenn ich jedoch mit sozialen Medien aufgewachsen wäre, glaube ich nicht, dass ich wäre. Cependant, si j'avais grandi avec les médias sociaux, je ne pense pas que je le serais. No entanto, se eu crescesse com a mídia social, eu não acho que seria. I hope that together we can create more positive images of disability in the media and in everyday life. Ich hoffe, dass wir gemeinsam positive Bilder von Behinderungen in den Medien und im Alltag schaffen können. Perhaps if there were more positive images, it would foster less hate on the Internet. |||||||es||fördern||||| |||||||||promote||||| |||||||||育む||||| Vielleicht würden bei mehr positiven Bildern weniger Hass im Internet entstehen. Peut-être que s'il y avait plus d'images positives, il y aurait moins de haine sur Internet. もっとポジティブなイメージがあれば、ネット上でのヘイトも減るかもしれません。 Возможно, если бы было больше позитивных образов, это способствовало бы меньшей ненависти в Интернете. Or maybe not. Maybe it still takes a villageto teach our children well. |||||也许仍然需要一个村庄来教好我们的孩子。|||| |||||Dorf, um|||| |||||村全体で|||| Tal vez siga haciendo falta un pueblo para enseñar bien a nuestros hijos. Peut-être qu'il faut encore un village pour bien enseigner à nos enfants. おそらく、私たちの子供たちをしっかりと育てるには、まだ村が必要です。 Talvez ainda seja preciso uma aldeia para ensinar bem nossos filhos. My crooked journey has taken me to some very spectacular places. |曲折的||||||||| |not straight||||||||| |twisted||||||||| |曲がった||||||||壮観な| Meine krumme Reise hat mich an einige sehr spektakuläre Orte geführt. Mon parcours tortueux m'a conduit dans des endroits très spectaculaires. 私の曲がりくねった旅は、非常に壮観な場所に私を連れて行ってくれました。 Minha jornada tortuosa me levou a alguns lugares muito espetaculares.

I got to walk the red carpet flanked by soap diva Susan Lucci and the iconic Lorraine Arbus. ||||||||||肥皂剧女星||苏珊·卢琪||||| |||||||flanked|||diva||Susan Lucci|||iconic||Lorraine Arbus |||||||accompanied by|||||||||| ||||||カーペット|挟まれて|に|||スーザン|ルッチ||||ロレイン・アーバス|アーバス Ich durfte den roten Teppich entlanggehen, umgeben von der Seifen-Diva Susan Lucci und der ikonischen Lorraine Arbus. Pude desfilar por la alfombra roja flanqueada por la diva de las telenovelas Susan Lucci y la icónica Lorraine Arbus. J'ai pu fouler le tapis rouge aux côtés de la diva du feuilleton Susan Lucci et de l'emblématique Lorraine Arbus. 私は、ソープディーバのスーザン・ルッチと伝説のローレイン・アルバスに挟まれてレッドカーペットを歩くことができました。 Eu pude andar no tapete vermelho ladeado pela diva das novelas Susan Lucci e a icônica Lorraine Arbus. I got to act in a movie with Adam Sandler and work with my idol, the amazing Dave Matthews. |||||||||桑德勒||||||||| |||||||||Sandler|||||Idol|||| ||||||||アダム|サンドラー|||||||||マシューズ ||||||película|||||||||||| Ich durfte in einem Film mit Adam Sandler spielen und mit meinem Idol, dem erstaunlichen Dave Matthews, arbeiten. I toured the world as a headliner on Arabs Gone Wild. |巡演|||||主打演员|||| |bereiste|||||Hauptact|||| |traveled around||||||||| |ツアーをした|||||ヘッドライナーとして|||| Recorrí el mundo como cabeza de cartel en Arabs Gone Wild. J'ai fait le tour du monde en tant que tête d'affiche de l'émission Arabs Gone Wild. Eu viajei pelo mundo como atração principal do Arabs Gone Wild. Я гастролировал по всему миру в качестве хедлайнера группы Arabs Gone Wild. I was a delegate representing the great state of New Jersey at the 2008 DNC. |||delegate||||||||||Demokratischer Parteitag |||||||||||||DNC |||代表||||||||||民主党全国大会 And I founded Maysoon’s Kids, a charity that hopes to give Palestinian refugee children a sliver of the chance my parents gave me. |||||||||||||||一线希望||||||| |||Maysoons|||charity||||||refugee = a person who has been forced to leave their country in order to escape war persecution or natural disaster|||sliver||||||| |||||||||||||||small portion||||||| |||メイソンの|||||||||難民|||わずかな機会||||||| Et j'ai fondé Maysoon's Kids, une organisation caritative qui espère donner aux enfants réfugiés palestiniens un peu de la chance que mes parents m'ont donnée. E fundei a Maysoon's Kids, uma instituição de caridade que espera dar às crianças refugiadas palestinas um pouco da chance que meus pais me deram. И я основал благотворительную организацию "Дети Мейсуна", которая надеется дать детям палестинских беженцев хотя бы частичку того шанса, который дали мне мои родители. But the one moment that stands out the most was when I got -- before this moment -- (Laughter) (Applause) — but the one moment that stands out the most was when I got to perform for the man who floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee, has Parkinson’s and shakes just like me, Muhammad Ali. |||||stands||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||schwebt|||butterfly||stings|||a vespa||Parkinson's||shakes||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||Parkinson's||shakes||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||舞う|||||刺すような|||||パーキンソン病||||||| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||justo|||| Aber der Moment, der mir am meisten in Erinnerung geblieben ist, war, als ich - bevor dieser Moment kam - (Gelächter) (Applaus) - aber der Moment, der mir am meisten in Erinnerung geblieben ist, war, als ich für den Mann auftreten durfte, der wie ein Schmetterling schwebt und wie eine Biene sticht, Parkinson hat und genauso zittert wie ich, Muhammad Ali. Pero el momento que más recuerdo fue cuando conseguí... antes de este momento... (Risas) (Aplausos) - pero el momento que más recuerdo fue cuando conseguí actuar para el hombre que flota como una mariposa y pica como una abeja, tiene Parkinson y tiembla como yo, Muhammad Ali. Mais le moment le plus marquant est celui où j'ai pu - avant ce moment - (Rires) (Applaudissements) - mais le moment le plus marquant est celui où j'ai pu jouer pour l'homme qui flotte comme un papillon et pique comme une abeille, qui est atteint de la maladie de Parkinson et qui tremble comme moi, Muhammad Ali. しかし、最も印象に残っているのは、この瞬間の前に--(笑)(拍手)--、蝶のように浮き、蜂のように刺し、パーキンソン病を患い、私と同じように震える男、モハメド・アリの前で演奏できたときのことです。 Mas o momento que mais se destaca foi quando eu consegui -- antes desse momento -- (Risos) (Aplausos) -- mas o momento que mais se destacou foi quando eu consegui me apresentar para o homem que flutua como uma borboleta e pica como uma abelha, tem Parkinson e treme como eu, Muhammad Ali. (Applause) aplausos (Applaus) It was the only time that my father ever saw me perform live, and I dedicate this talk to his memory. |||||||||||to perform||||to dedicate||||| |||||||||||||||捧げる||||| Es war das einzige Mal, dass mein Vater mich live auftreten sah, und ich widme diesen Vortrag seinem Andenken. C'est la seule fois où mon père m'a vu jouer en direct, et je dédie ce discours à sa mémoire. Foi a única vez que meu pai me viu tocar ao vivo, e dedico esta palestra à sua memória.

(In Arabic) My name is Maysoon Zayid, and if I can can, you can can. Meu nome é Maysoon Zayid, e se eu posso, você pode.

(Applause)