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It`s Okay To Be Smart, Why Do We Get Embarrassed? (1)

Why Do We Get Embarrassed? (1)

(quirky piano music)

- Let's go this way.

Oh God,

(quirky piano music)

just caught my reflection, I look ridiculous.

Hey guys.

I feel like people keep avoiding me,

giving me a lot of space on the sidewalk,

I can't imagine why.

(quirky piano music)

You might be wondering how I got myself in this pickle.

It's pretty embarrassing, I gotta be honest,

but that's the point.

I'm trying to feel embarrassed for science.

Embarrassment, awkwardness, cringe,

no matter what you call it,

it's one of the most unique human emotions

and one that's particularly hard to figure out.

But if a feeling exists and it's lasted through evolution,

it probably has a purpose.

So why do we feel embarrassment?

It may not be something we relish,

it's a feeling and experience

most of us do whatever we can to avoid.

But what if embarrassment is actually a good thing?

(quirky music)

How would you define embarrassment?

- That's a good question.

- Feeling like you wanna hide,

feeling shame for who you are.

- This awful feeling where you just kind of

in your head scream, "No, stop.

No, don't talk.

Shut your mouth."

- Farting in public and want nobody to hear it.

- Look that up in the dictionary.

- Feeling extremely uncomfortable.

- Ooh, that was a good one.

Or a feeling of,

now I'm nervous,

there's cameras rolling. - Whatever this is.

- Right?

I'm like, how do I describe

what I'm feeling right now in this moment?

- Hey, smart people, Joe here.

Embarrassment is a unique emotion, but what are emotions?

Scientists love categorizing things,

but emotions have been surprisingly difficult

to fit into neat little boxes.

In fact, scientists have been struggling to settle

on a universal definition

of what an emotion is since the 1800s.

But researchers generally agree that emotions fall

into one of a few different bins.

Basic emotions like happiness, sadness, fear and anger

pop up quickly without much conscious thought.

That's because they evolve to ensure our survival,

like, we don't have time to consciously think

about being afraid when we see a creepy clown

peeking out of the gutter, we just run.

But embarrassment is different,

it falls into another category

of emotion known as self-conscious emotion.

Self-conscious emotions require more brain power

than basic emotions 'cause you have

to think before you feel.

Embarrassment also falls

into the category of social emotion,

because whether or not we feel embarrassed depends

on social rules.

So let's say you just ordered pad Thai

from your favorite restaurant,

but can you trip and spill it all over the floor

on your way to the kitchen?

If you're home alone, when you drop your dinner

you might feel frustrated, but probably not embarrassed.

That's because no one was there to see your klutzy moment.

I mean, maybe your dogs saw you

but they aren't judging you, they're thanking you.

Now, if you spilled food all over the floor in a restaurant

and everybody does that thing where they stop talking

and stare right at you,

well, in that case, you might feel like dying

of embarrassment.

So what makes the "Home Alone" scenario frustrating,

but the crowded restaurant embarrassing?

Social context.

The social evaluation model of embarrassment

says embarrassment comes from anticipating

other people's negative judgment.

Even though in reality most people aren't paying

as much attention to us as we think they are,

our fear of social judgment can create real pain.

We work hard to cultivate the image

of ourselves that we share with the world,

so when we accidentally show the world a version

of ourself that doesn't match what we wish,

that can feel pretty terrible.

Psychologists, John Sabini,

identified three social situations

that trigger embarrassment.

The first is a faux pas.

These happen when someone commits a social gaffe.

Do you have an embarrassing moment

that you'd be willing to share with the world?

- I was in math class,

I dropped my book,

immediately went to pick it up and farted super loud.

No one said anything,

and then I, like, moved my chair

to, like, make another sound

so people thought it was a chair,

that did not help.

- I have fallen into a pool before

with the tarp on it in a party.

- How many people saw you do that?

- 20.

- You know, you count them exactly?

- I remember this vividly.

- I was in my backyard growing up,

and I'm with, like, my sisters, their friends,

the neighbors and we're having a good time,

and one of the guys pantsed me.

I was, like, 10 years old and I was super embarrassed.

This is why to this day I wear underwear

whenever I'm wearing a swim trunk.

- I remember there was this guy,

he pushed me down a flight of stairs.

Yeah, it was bad.

Kids don't bully, it was horrible.

And then I got a big knot in my head

and I was embarrassed because everybody was laughing.

I was so mad, I was sad, I was crying.

- Being the center of attention

can also trigger embarrassment.

For example, the whole restaurant staff

singing "Happy Birthday" to you can make you want to hide

under the table,

and you thought those people at the party

were your real friends.

And finally, there's the sticky situation.

This is when we ask someone to perform a task

that we know that they can't or won't successfully complete.

- I went on a date, it was our third date

just to be very specific,

and the bill came and I was like,

"I'm a strong, independent woman,

let's at least split the bill,"

because, you know,

so he was like, "Fine, whatever."

We split the bill and the waitress comes back and she goes,

"Ma'am, your card was declined."

And I was like,

and he goes, "You should have just let me pay for the bill."

And I was like, "Okay, well do you think

you can get this one

because I don't have the money for it apparently."

- Was there a fourth date?

That's what everybody wants to know.

- There was a fourth date and he did pay

from there on out, so.

- I was at a dive bar backlot, I was a little tipsy

and I saw a guy and I was like,

"Oh my god, he's TikTok famous."

So I walk up with my phone with the TikTok and I was like,

"Is this you?"

And he turns on, he's like, "No."

And I was like, "No, no, you look just like him."

I show him, like, six TikToks,

he's like, "No, that's not me."

I just thought, you know, we were gonna be buds,

you know, he was gonna laugh about it,

we were gonna be friends,

but I just looked really stupid and I had to run away.

- All of these are examples of situations

where we're out of step with social expectations,

and teaching where the boundaries of social norms

and good behavior are,

seems to be the key point of embarrassment.

But we can still feel embarrassed

when we're following all the rules.

If you've ever been in a sports match

and suddenly found yourself on the jumbotron,

you probably know what I'm talking about.

I mean, you're just trying to eat your nachos in peace

and now your face is on the big screen

and you have no idea what to do.

Scientists refer to this

as the dramaturgic model of embarrassment.

We feel embarrassed when we can't figure out

the socially acceptable thing to do.

So in the case of the jumbotron

you feel embarrassed because you're unsure

if you should keep eating your nachos or something.

But a situation that embarrasses you

may not embarrass someone else.

According to emotion researcher, Rowland S. Miller,

people who are susceptible

to feeling embarrassment are more concerned

with following social norms and more afraid of rejection.

It's normal day in Austin, people dressed as pickles.

Hi.

That kid thought I was cool.

Basically, you're more likely to feel embarrassed

if you're less likely to rock the social boat.

So these models of emotion help us understand

why we feel embarrassed

when something socially awkward happens to us,

but why can we feel embarrassed for other people?

That's called vicarious embarrassment.

It happens when we feel awkward thanks

to someone else's mistakes.

When you feel vicarious embarrassment,

you're imagining what another person is feeling

which fires up particular regions of your brain.

Those are also the parts of your brain

that help you feel empathy, which is one of the things

that makes human relationships so rich and complex.

So when you feel vicarious embarrassment,

congratulations, you care,

that's a good thing.

And these days, there's a whole industry

built around vicariously experiencing embarrassment

in the name of entertainment, cringe comedy.

Cringe comedy uses the theory of benign violation,

breaking social rules in an environment free

from actual real world harm,

to take a threatening situation

like having to deal with racism at work

and make it harmless by ridiculing it in an imaginary world.

So we enjoy cringe comedy because it allows us

to experience uncomfortable situations safely.

That way, we can learn from from other social mistakes

and laugh about it in the process.

What do you think the point of embarrassment is?

Like, why do we have that emotion?

Like, what's the use of it?

- Probably because we want people to see us

in a certain image,

and if we don't go with that image

then we can embarrassed by it.

- So I'm into neuroscience,

so there's definitely something around the brain

and how the brain operates,

and there are things that we learn that our brain says,

"Oh, that should make you feel embarrassed."

- I think our ego's trying to, like, save us,

because I think it's very valuable

for us to have, like, good social personas,

so when those are threatened,

we feel like our cultural capital

or social capital's threatened.

- From my perspective, I believe embarrassment exists

in order for people to curtail their actions.

- I think it's maybe to humble yourself a bit,

like, keep you in line, checked.

"Like, you know, 'cause if you're not embarrassed,

you're doing some crazy things,

I feel like maybe you can't learn from the experience.

- Do I look cute-cumber in this?

As the Guy In the Pickle Suit, I can definitively say

that embarrassment feels pretty crummy.

But that heart-racing, stomach churning feeling

is also a sign that embarrassment is doing

its evolutionary job to help us follow society's rules.

Researchers think that embarrassment evolved

as a way for us to maintain bonds

with other members of our social group

by warning us when we've crossed a boundary.

And today, a social group may be a group

of people with shared interests or identities,

but imagine back when humans lived in bands

of hunter-gatherers,

doing something that made you

an outcast could literally be a death sentence.

So there's strong evolutionary pressure to go with the flow.

Is there a physical feeling

that you associate with embarrassment?

- Definitely get, like, rosy in the cheeks

and my ears get really hot.

- Have you ever felt like your face is in a fire pit?

Because that's the physical feeling.

- Sweaty, mild panic attacks.

- My body gets hot, I get the anxiety hives,

it's the whole thing.

- Maybe a little bit of the heart-racing

when you're flushed.

- I would say it's like shoulders coming down,

coming inward, like, physically hiding.

- It's kind of like when you see like a cute girl

or you're on a date and you have those butterflies

in your stomach,

but like the embarrassing part's like,

but you have to, like, fart really bad.

- Physiological signs of embarrassment

like blushing are a signal

to others that we recognize our mistakes,

and that we're sorry for them,

a way to authentically communicate

that we know we messed up.

Why Do We Get Embarrassed? (1) ||||сором'язливі Warum ist es uns peinlich? (1) ¿Por qué nos avergonzamos? (1) 为什么我们会感到尴尬? (1)

(quirky piano music) екстравагант||

- Let's go this way.

Oh God,

(quirky piano music) екстравагант||

just caught my reflection, I look ridiculous.

Hey guys.

I feel like people keep avoiding me,

giving me a lot of space on the sidewalk,

I can't imagine why.

(quirky piano music)

You might be wondering how I got myself in this pickle. ||||||||||затруднительное положение

It's pretty embarrassing, I gotta be honest, ||смущающе||||

but that's the point.

I'm trying to feel embarrassed for science. ||||смущённый||

Embarrassment, awkwardness, cringe, |неловкость|испытывать неловкость |незручність|незручність

no matter what you call it,

it's one of the most unique human emotions

and one that's particularly hard to figure out.

But if a feeling exists and it's lasted through evolution,

it probably has a purpose.

So why do we feel embarrassment?

It may not be something we relish, ||||||насолоджуємо

it's a feeling and experience

most of us do whatever we can to avoid.

But what if embarrassment is actually a good thing?

(quirky music)

How would you define embarrassment?

- That's a good question.

- Feeling like you wanna hide,

feeling shame for who you are.

- This awful feeling where you just kind of

in your head scream, "No, stop.

No, don't talk.

Shut your mouth."

- Farting in public and want nobody to hear it. пукання||||||||

- Look that up in the dictionary.

- Feeling extremely uncomfortable.

- Ooh, that was a good one.

Or a feeling of,

now I'm nervous, тепер||

there's cameras rolling. - Whatever this is. є|||||

- Right?

I'm like, how do I describe

what I'm feeling right now in this moment?

- Hey, smart people, Joe here.

Embarrassment is a unique emotion, but what are emotions?

Scientists love categorizing things, ||категоризаці|

but emotions have been surprisingly difficult

to fit into neat little boxes.

In fact, scientists have been struggling to settle

on a universal definition

of what an emotion is since the 1800s.

But researchers generally agree that emotions fall

into one of a few different bins. ||||||категории

Basic emotions like happiness, sadness, fear and anger |||щастя|сумність|страх||гнів

pop up quickly without much conscious thought.

That's because they evolve to ensure our survival,

like, we don't have time to consciously think

about being afraid when we see a creepy clown ||||||||клоун

peeking out of the gutter, we just run. выглядывая||||выбраться из канавы||| зазирнувши||||канави|||

But embarrassment is different,

it falls into another category

of emotion known as self-conscious emotion.

Self-conscious emotions require more brain power

than basic emotions 'cause you have

to think before you feel.

Embarrassment also falls

into the category of social emotion,

because whether or not we feel embarrassed depends

on social rules.

So let's say you just ordered pad Thai

from your favorite restaurant,

but can you trip and spill it all over the floor

on your way to the kitchen?

If you're home alone, when you drop your dinner

you might feel frustrated, but probably not embarrassed.

That's because no one was there to see your klutzy moment. |||||||||неловкий момент| |||||||||незграбний|

I mean, maybe your dogs saw you

but they aren't judging you, they're thanking you. ||||||дякують|

Now, if you spilled food all over the floor in a restaurant

and everybody does that thing where they stop talking

and stare right at you,

well, in that case, you might feel like dying

of embarrassment.

So what makes the "Home Alone" scenario frustrating,

but the crowded restaurant embarrassing?

Social context.

The social evaluation model of embarrassment ||оценка|||

says embarrassment comes from anticipating ||||ожидания чего-то

other people's negative judgment.

Even though in reality most people aren't paying

as much attention to us as we think they are,

our fear of social judgment can create real pain.

We work hard to cultivate the image

of ourselves that we share with the world,

so when we accidentally show the world a version

of ourself that doesn't match what we wish,

that can feel pretty terrible.

Psychologists, John Sabini, ||Сабіні

identified three social situations

that trigger embarrassment.

The first is a faux pas. ||||ложный шаг| ||||помилка|помилка в е

These happen when someone commits a social gaffe. |||||||социальный промах |||||||помилка в сп

Do you have an embarrassing moment |||||момент

that you'd be willing to share with the world? ||||||||світом

- I was in math class, ||||урок математики

I dropped my book, |||книгу

immediately went to pick it up and farted super loud. |||||||пукнул громко|| одразу|||||||пукнув дуже голос||дуже голосно

No one said anything, |||нічого

and then I, like, moved my chair ||||||стілець

to, like, make another sound ||||звуку

so people thought it was a chair, ||||||стілець

that did not help. |||допомогло

- I have fallen into a pool before ||||||раніше

with the tarp on it in a party. ||покривало|||||вечірці

- How many people saw you do that? ||||||це

- 20.

- You know, you count them exactly? |||||точно

- I remember this vividly. |||яскраво

- I was in my backyard growing up, ||||||коли я ріс

and I'm with, like, my sisters, their friends, |||||||подруги

the neighbors and we're having a good time, |||||||час

and one of the guys pantsed me. |||||стащил штаны с меня| і|||||зняв штани|

I was, like, 10 years old and I was super embarrassed.

This is why to this day I wear underwear ||||||||спідня білиз

whenever I'm wearing a swim trunk. |||||плавки

- I remember there was this guy, |||||хлопець

he pushed me down a flight of stairs. |||||пролёт лестницы|| |||||||сходи

Yeah, it was bad. |||погано

Kids don't bully, it was horrible. ||знущаються|||жахливо

And then I got a big knot in my head А потім|||||||||голові

and I was embarrassed because everybody was laughing. |||||||сміялися

I was so mad, I was sad, I was crying. ||||||сумний|||плакав

- Being the center of attention ||||увага

can also trigger embarrassment.

For example, the whole restaurant staff

singing "Happy Birthday" to you can make you want to hide

under the table,

and you thought those people at the party

were your real friends.

And finally, there's the sticky situation.

This is when we ask someone to perform a task

that we know that they can't or won't successfully complete.

- I went on a date, it was our third date ||||побачення|||||побачення

just to be very specific, ||||конкретно

and the bill came and I was like, |||||||я такий

"I'm a strong, independent woman, ||||жінка

let's at least split the bill," |||||рахунок

because, you know, ||знаєш

so he was like, "Fine, whatever." |||||та й ладно

We split the bill and the waitress comes back and she goes, ми||||||офіціантка|||||

"Ma'am, your card was declined." пані||||відхилена

And I was like, |||сказав

and he goes, "You should have just let me pay for the bill." ||каже||||||||||рахунок

And I was like, "Okay, well do you think |||сказала|Добре||||

you can get this one ||||цю

because I don't have the money for it apparently." бо||||||||

- Was there a fourth date? ||||дата

That's what everybody wants to know. Ось що|||||

- There was a fourth date and he did pay

from there on out, so. з того моменту||||

- I was at a dive bar backlot, I was a little tipsy ||||||задний двор бара|||||пьяный ||||||за баром|||||трохи п'

and I saw a guy and I was like,

"Oh my god, he's TikTok famous." |||||відомий

So I walk up with my phone with the TikTok and I was like,

"Is this you?"

And he turns on, he's like, "No."

And I was like, "No, no, you look just like him."

I show him, like, six TikToks, |||||тиктоков |||||ТікТоки

he's like, "No, that's not me." він|||||

I just thought, you know, we were gonna be buds, ||||знаєш|ми||||друзями

you know, he was gonna laugh about it,

we were gonna be friends, ми||||

but I just looked really stupid and I had to run away. але||||||і|||||

- All of these are examples of situations ||||||ситуацій

where we're out of step with social expectations, де|||||||

and teaching where the boundaries of social norms |||||||норми

and good behavior are,

seems to be the key point of embarrassment.

But we can still feel embarrassed

when we're following all the rules.

If you've ever been in a sports match

and suddenly found yourself on the jumbotron, ||||||на большом экране ||||||екрані великого

you probably know what I'm talking about.

I mean, you're just trying to eat your nachos in peace ||||||||начос||

and now your face is on the big screen

and you have no idea what to do.

Scientists refer to this

as the dramaturgic model of embarrassment. ||драматургическая модель смущения||| ||драматургі|||

We feel embarrassed when we can't figure out

the socially acceptable thing to do.

So in the case of the jumbotron ||||||в случае экрана

you feel embarrassed because you're unsure |||||невпевнений

if you should keep eating your nachos or something.

But a situation that embarrasses you

may not embarrass someone else. ||соромити||

According to emotion researcher, Rowland S. Miller, ||||Роуленд||

people who are susceptible |||вразливі

to feeling embarrassment are more concerned

with following social norms and more afraid of rejection. ||||||||відмови

It's normal day in Austin, people dressed as pickles. ||||Остін||||

Hi.

That kid thought I was cool.

Basically, you're more likely to feel embarrassed

if you're less likely to rock the social boat.

So these models of emotion help us understand

why we feel embarrassed

when something socially awkward happens to us,

but why can we feel embarrassed for other people?

That's called vicarious embarrassment. ||Это называется чужой стыд.| ||переживаний через|

It happens when we feel awkward thanks

to someone else's mistakes.

When you feel vicarious embarrassment,

you're imagining what another person is feeling

which fires up particular regions of your brain.

Those are also the parts of your brain

that help you feel empathy, which is one of the things

that makes human relationships so rich and complex.

So when you feel vicarious embarrassment,

congratulations, you care,

that's a good thing.

And these days, there's a whole industry

built around vicariously experiencing embarrassment ||опосредованно|| ||опосередковано||

in the name of entertainment, cringe comedy.

Cringe comedy uses the theory of benign violation, ||||||доброкачественный| ||||||доброчинний|

breaking social rules in an environment free

from actual real world harm,

to take a threatening situation

like having to deal with racism at work |||||расизм на роботі||

and make it harmless by ridiculing it in an imaginary world. |||безпечним||висміюючи|||||

So we enjoy cringe comedy because it allows us

to experience uncomfortable situations safely.

That way, we can learn from from other social mistakes

and laugh about it in the process.

What do you think the point of embarrassment is?

Like, why do we have that emotion?

Like, what's the use of it?

- Probably because we want people to see us

in a certain image,

and if we don't go with that image

then we can embarrassed by it.

- So I'm into neuroscience,

so there's definitely something around the brain

and how the brain operates,

and there are things that we learn that our brain says,

"Oh, that should make you feel embarrassed."

- I think our ego's trying to, like, save us, |||эго||||| |||его|||||

because I think it's very valuable

for us to have, like, good social personas, |||||||соціальні образи

so when those are threatened,

we feel like our cultural capital

or social capital's threatened. ||капіталу|

- From my perspective, I believe embarrassment exists

in order for people to curtail their actions. |||||обмежити свої д||дії

- I think it's maybe to humble yourself a bit,

like, keep you in line, checked.

"Like, you know, 'cause if you're not embarrassed,

you're doing some crazy things,

I feel like maybe you can't learn from the experience.

- Do I look cute-cumber in this? ||||огурчик|| ||||огірочок||цьому

As the Guy In the Pickle Suit, I can definitively say |||||Парень в костюме огурца|||||

that embarrassment feels pretty crummy. ||||паршиво ||||погано

But that heart-racing, stomach churning feeling

is also a sign that embarrassment is doing

its evolutionary job to help us follow society's rules. |||||||суспільства|

Researchers think that embarrassment evolved

as a way for us to maintain bonds

with other members of our social group

by warning us when we've crossed a boundary.

And today, a social group may be a group

of people with shared interests or identities, ||||||ідентичності

but imagine back when humans lived in bands

of hunter-gatherers,

doing something that made you

an outcast could literally be a death sentence. |вигнанець||||||

So there's strong evolutionary pressure to go with the flow.

Is there a physical feeling

that you associate with embarrassment?

- Definitely get, like, rosy in the cheeks |||рум'яні|||

and my ears get really hot.

- Have you ever felt like your face is in a fire pit?

Because that's the physical feeling.

- Sweaty, mild panic attacks. |легкі||

- My body gets hot, I get the anxiety hives,

it's the whole thing.

- Maybe a little bit of the heart-racing

when you're flushed.

- I would say it's like shoulders coming down,

coming inward, like, physically hiding.

- It's kind of like when you see like a cute girl

or you're on a date and you have those butterflies

in your stomach,

but like the embarrassing part's like, ||||но, как смущающая часть| ||||частини|

but you have to, like, fart really bad.

- Physiological signs of embarrassment

like blushing are a signal |підсвіч|||

to others that we recognize our mistakes,

and that we're sorry for them,

a way to authentically communicate |||автентично|

that we know we messed up.