Episode 03 - part 03
No demon could survive this preposterous degree of jiggling.
This is not good for my hangover.
Oh, yeah, that's it! Crank harder. You've got him on the run now. Whoo!
Work those scrawny nerd arms. Jiggle that demon back to Hell. Nice.
[grunts] Alas, the demon remains,
even after the application of all three sciences.
All three? Even smoke?
Indeed. We scholars like to think science has all the answers,
but in the end, it's just a bunch of unprovable nonsense. So now what?
I suggest something based more in reality. Religious magic.
An exorcism, huh? [groans] I don't like the sound of that. Let's do it, but don't say it out loud again. Shut up, you.
As it happens, sire,
I am acquainted with the world's foremost exorcist. Big Jo.
His people are the sworn enemies of demons.
But I must warn you. He creeps even me out.
Ah, no one's too creepy for my daughter. [thunder cracking]
[horse neighs]
[thunder continues cracking]
-[all scream] -Oh, my!
I get that a lot.
Okay, Big Jo, she's asleep in the bed chamber. I'm already in here. [all scream]
I sense an evil presence.
[whimpers]
Oh, no. It's that accursed weirdo. We must act before our plan is discovered.
Conceal thyself, demon.
[electricity crackling]
Fear not, Princess.
I will soon have the demon out of your body.
[Luci] Uh, nobody in this body but us princesses, man.
Oh, wait, uh, just one princess. Me, Princess Tia...
Oh, God, what's my full name? Damn it.
I shall soon cast thee out, demon, with these sacred tools.
[Luci] You're a sacred tool. Jokes are a sign of fear. A fear that is well justified.
[Luci] Hold on, there's something I've always wanted to try. So cool! I didn't even know that the human body could do this. [Bean] It can't. Out! Get out!
Be gone, damn you!
Ooh! Sounds like some quality exorcism.
I was talking to you!
Nobody talks to me like that,
except my daughter and my wife. And now you.
[chanting in Latin]
[Luci] Oh! No!
It burns!
It burns!
It burns with boredom!
[laughs]
Come on. Liven it up a little.
Leave this body!
Allow this girl to resume her humble life of obedience and sobriety and chastity.
[Luci snickers] You've never met Bean, have you? O Lord, our only God, brother of the other God,
grant me the power to expel this vile spirit.
[Luci] Fire doesn't hurt demons. You're only hurting Bean. Exactly. Once the flesh is burned away, the demon is revealed.
Flesh burn, demon return.
[Luci] Dude, she needs her flesh.
Great, you're gonna make me be the good guy? Ugh, I hate that.
[Luci yelling]
[retches]
[Luci grunting]
[panting]
I saved your life. Now, I can go back to ruining it.
-[Luci grunts] -Gotcha.
Ah! You can't do this, man. I want my lawyer.
Uh, I'm in here. Don't say anything. [groans] What... what happened?
You have been exorcised.
Don't forget to take it easy today and drink plenty of water. So is Luci really gone?
Well, it depends what you mean by "gone." If you mean "carted away, never to return," then, yes. Well, maybe it was for the best.
Life with him was fun, but I probably would have been dead in a few weeks.
I will miss how he always pointed out my foibles
and mocked me ruthlessly.
But we'll be okay. You'll be amazed how much fun I am on my own. -[chuckles] That's not a daisy. -What?
[chuckles] You put a dandelion in the daisy basket.
So?
So, we're making a daisy chain, not a dandelion chain. Why even bother to call it a daisy chain if you're just gonna-- [crying] Oh, God. I'm so sorry. I lied.
I'm not really fun. The pressure, it just got to me. [gasps]
And then the pressure to sustain the lie? Oh, God, it was a nightmare.
We have to find Luci.
Dad.
Oh, sweetie, I can see the sparkle in your eyes is gone.
It's such a relief. So where does that exorcist keep the demons after he removes them?
Keep them? Oh, he doesn't keep them. He disposes of them with extreme prejudice.
[Elfo] We can't let him destroy Luci. [sighs] So typical of my family to get rid of my friends like this.
I'm sure one day you'll wake up with them trying to smother you. [Elfo] What?
Never mind. Uh, grab a horse. Let's go! [horse neighs]
So there I am, possessing the Duchess and she has the nerve to drop dead.
And I'm like, "Now where am I gonna live?" Rude.
Ugh. Well, if it isn't Stacianne LeBlott. It's LeBlatt. Yeah, it's French. Like I said on our first date, nothing could be worse than this.
[gasps] Watch out. The road is blocked. Stop!
-I can't. I only know how to crash. -[both scream]
[horses neigh]
[chuckles] Look what we caught in our little trap.
What, now you're highwaymen? Highwaypeople. We're a gender neutral kleptocracy. And we'll be taking these nice horsies. They go well with me neck sparklies.
Hey, that's my grandmother's necklace. Or your grandfather's. This isn't a gender thing. It's Bee-Baw's and I am taking it back. [grunting]
-Oh, I'm so sorry. -[grunting]
I'm normally a nice person. But we really need to save our friend.
-And we're in kind of a hurry, so... -[continues grunting] -[blow lands] -[thief grunts]
[horses neigh]
This is, like, so unfair.
I never got to haunt a house or spook a dog or get married.
[all groan]
Oh, please, put me out of my misery.
Prepare to be put out of your misery.
[Luci] No!
[chanting in Latin]
I possessed your mother and she loved it!
[screams]
[screams]
[gasps] You just killed my lawyer.
You won't be needing him anymore. Your appeal has been denied!
Wait, wait, wait. I love you? Big Jo, I love you!
Cursed are those who consort with demons.
[both grunting]
It's all over, Big Jo. I got the bottle and the knife.
Well, I got whatever this is.
-Elf. -[gasps]
Throw me the bottle. I'll throw you the elf. [Elfo] Thank you.
Okay, catch.
Oh! You haven't defeated me yet. Now, you have!
She risked her own life to save the demon.
Remarkable.
She's come along faster than we ever dared dream. [Elfo grunts]
No, no, no! Just pull out the cork.
[Luci] Ow!
Ta-da. Did ya miss me?
Yes, but never fly into my mouth again.
Hey, what's that roll-y, wagon-y sound? [clatters]
[demons laughing]
[Elfo] Well, at least we saved Luci.
[Bean] But we released evil upon the world.
[Luci] A happy ending for everyone.
