Friends S03E24 1d
Do you think there's a town in Missouri or someplace... ...called Sample? And as you're driving into the town, there's a sign and it says: "You're in Sample." - How did it go with Pete? - Tell us. You're not gonna believe this. So I go... I'm sorry. Excuse us. - It's a little crowded. Do you mind? - Could you scooch? Move over just a little bit. Keep on scooching. So, guys, listen. I go over there and, you know, I'm... Why? What is wrong with me? - What's the matter? - Tim... ...I have a feeling... ...my wife is sleeping with her gynecologist. How do you know? - He's got access. - I know. It's a feeling you get. Like when you're in somebody else's bowling shoes? That's the one. - So you went to Pete's. - What happened? Why is this happening to me? Maybe it's my wound. Forget it. It's not healed yet? It's oozing! Would you pass the cream? There's the cream. Thank you very much. Tomas, this is gonna be hard, but I wanted it to come from me. - What is it? - I've been sleeping with your wife. You're the gynecologist? I'm trying to have a private conversation. Can I have a napkin? Could you please hand me a napkin? Just give me the thing, all right? Enough! And you are no longer my friend! We are finished! Nada! No more! You are a bastard for doing that! Stay away from me! Come back! So, what were you gonna tell us? I have no idea. The One With the Ultimate Fighting Champion What was the big news Pete wanted to tell you? Or should I say, "Mrs. Monica Becker"? Oh, keep your name. Don't take his name. He didn't ask me to marry him. Then definitely don't take his name! He wanted to tell me he's going to compete in some Ultimate... ...Fighting Competition thingy. - Pete? - Why? What is it? I don't know exactly. It's sort of like wrestling. But without the costumes. And it's not fake. It's totally brutal. It's two guys in the ring and the rules are, "There are no rules"! - I heard you made a great 12-year-old. - It was the best year of my life. You can bite and pull people's hair and stuff? Anything goes except eye-gouging and fish-hooking. - What's fish-hooking? - What's fish-hook...? Thanks. That would have been hard to describe. What is that taste? My hands are totally clean. I just gave the duck a bath. Thanks for the warm welcome. It's good to have you guys on my team. I come to play. I hope you do too. Let's go out there and get them! And remember: There is no I in "team." Yes, but there's two in "martini." So, everybody, back to my office. You! Chuckles. What's your name? It's Bing, sir. I'm sorry. I was just... No, no. I heard what you said. Funny. I like funny. This team's about hard work, but it's also about having fun. Good to have you aboard, Bing! That's right. Ryder. Winona Ryder for six. Thank you. Yeah. We have the reservations. All right, buddy! Way to go! Dude, what are you doing? Thank you. My boss keeps slapping my butt and acting like it's no big deal. What'd you do about it? I didn't do anything. I didn't want to be the guy... ...who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom. I gotta tell you, I think it's okay to be that guy. Maybe it's that jock thing. You know, how football players pat each other after touchdowns. You know, I don't understand guys. I mean, I would never congratulate Monica on a great stew... ...by, you know, grabbing her boob. I know. For a really great stew, you'd just... ...stick your head in between them. Can we please go eat? - Yeah, what are we getting? - Anything but stew. So from now on, don't give your boss a chance to get you. Don't turn your back to him. Or you could teach him a lesson, you know? What you do is rub something that smells really bad on your butt, right? Then, when he goes to smack you, his hand will smell. Now, what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad? What if Joey was president? Can I ask you something? Okay, you can totally say no... ...but would it be okay with you if I set Ross up on a date? With who? My friend Bonnie. She always thought Ross was cute... ...and she asked if I could set it up. - But if that's not cool... - Which one is Bonnie? You remember her from my birthday party? Average height... ...medium build, bald... That's fine. - Really? - Ross and the bald girl? Absolutely. Great! Okay! Good for you! All right! You are iron! You are steel! Let me ask you, how come when I call your computer support line... ...I have to wait an hour and a half? We're adding operators all the time. Could we concentrate on my training? It's just hard when I know I have e-mail I can't get. - Hi. - Monica. - Hi, honey. - On the table. On the table, please. So listen, my friends were telling me a little bit about... ...this Ultimate Fighting thing. It sounds really dangerous. I don't want you to get hurt because I kind of like you. I don't want to get hurt either. I'm being smart about this. See these guys? They're the best trainers in the world. And Hoshi here used to be a paid assassin. A house painter! He used to be a house painter! - Promise me you'll be careful. - I promise. Are we still on for tonight? Good. Because... ...maybe we could have a little workout of our own. No boom-boom before big fight! How about just a boom?
