Part 7. Chapter 12. Teil 7. Kapitel 12.

After taking leave of her guests, Anna did not sit down, but began walking up and down the room. She had unconsciously the whole evening done her utmost to arouse in Levin a feeling of love—as of late she had fallen into doing with all young men— and she knew she had attained her aim, as far as was possible in one evening, with a married and conscientious man. She liked him indeed extremely, and, in spite of the striking difference, from the masculine point of view, between Vronsky and Levin, as a woman she saw something they had in common, which had made Kitty able to love both. Yet as soon as he was out of the room, she ceased to think of him.

One thought, and one only, pursued her in different forms, and refused to be shaken off. Une pensée, et une seule, la poursuivit sous différentes formes et refusa d'être secouée. "If I have so much effect on others, on this man, who loves his home and his wife, why is it he is so cold to me?…not cold exactly, he loves me, I know that! «Si j'ai tant d'effet sur les autres, sur cet homme, qui aime sa maison et sa femme, pourquoi est-il si froid avec moi?… Pas froid exactement, il m'aime, je le sais! But something new is drawing us apart now. Mais quelque chose de nouveau nous sépare maintenant. Why wasn't he here all the evening? He told Stiva to say he could not leave Yashvin, and must watch over his play. Il a dit à Stiva de dire qu'il ne pouvait pas quitter Yashvin et qu'il devait surveiller sa pièce. Jis liepė Stivai pasakyti, kad jis negali palikti Yashvino, ir privalo prižiūrėti jo pjesę. Is Yashvin a child? But supposing it's true. He never tells a lie. But there's something else in it if it's true. He is glad of an opportunity of showing me that he has other duties; I know that, I submit to that. Il est heureux d'avoir l'occasion de me montrer qu'il a d'autres devoirs; Je le sais, je me soumets à cela. But why prove that to me? Mais pourquoi me le prouver? He wants to show me that his love for me is not to interfere with his freedom. But I need no proofs, I need love. He ought to understand all the bitterness of this life for me here in Moscow. Il doit comprendre toute l'amertume de cette vie pour moi ici à Moscou. Is this life? I am not living, but waiting for an event, which is continually put off and put off. No answer again! And Stiva says he cannot go to Alexey Alexandrovitch. And I can't write again. I can do nothing, can begin nothing, can alter nothing; I hold myself in, I wait, inventing amusements for myself—the English family, writing, reading—but it's all nothing but a sham, it's all the same as morphine. Je ne peux rien faire, je ne peux rien commencer, je ne peux rien changer; Je me retiens, j'attends, m'inventant des amusements - la famille anglaise, l'écriture, la lecture - mais ce n'est rien d'autre qu'une imposture, c'est la même chose que la morphine. He ought to feel for me," she said, feeling tears of self-pity coming into her eyes. Il devrait ressentir pour moi », dit-elle, sentant des larmes d'auto-apitoiement lui monter aux yeux. She heard Vronsky's abrupt ring and hurriedly dried her tears— not only dried her tears, but sat down by a lamp and opened a book, affecting composure. Elle entendit la sonnerie brusque de Vronsky et essuya précipitamment ses larmes - non seulement sécha ses larmes, mais s'assit près d'une lampe et ouvrit un livre, affectant son calme. She wanted to show him that she was displeased that he had not come home as he had promised— displeased only, and not on any account to let him see her distress, and least of all, her self-pity. She might pity herself, but he must not pity her. She did not want strife, she blamed him for wanting to quarrel, but unconsciously put herself into an attitude of antagonism. Elle ne voulait pas de conflits, elle lui reprochait de vouloir se disputer, mais se mit inconsciemment dans une attitude d'antagonisme.

"Well, you've not been dull?" he said, eagerly and good-humoredly, going up to her. "What a terrible passion it is—gambling!" "No, I've not been dull; I've learned long ago not to be dull. Stiva has been here and Levin." "Yes, they meant to come and see you. Well, how did you like Levin?" he said, sitting down beside her.

"Very much. They have not long been gone. Ils ne sont pas partis depuis longtemps. What was Yashvin doing?" "He was winning—seventeen thousand. I got him away. Je l'ai éloigné. He had really started home, but he went back again, and now he's losing." Il était vraiment rentré chez lui, mais il est retourné à nouveau, et maintenant il est en train de perdre. " "Then what did you stay for?" she asked, suddenly lifting her eyes to him. The expression of her face was cold and ungracious. Jos veido išraiška buvo šalta ir nedėkinga. "You told Stiva you were staying on to get Yashvin away. And you have left him there." The same expression of cold readiness for the conflict appeared on his face too. La même expression de froideur de préparation au conflit apparut également sur son visage.

"In the first place, I did not ask him to give you any message; and secondly, I never tell lies. But what's the chief point, I wanted to stay, and I stayed," he said, frowning. Mais quel est le point principal, je voulais rester, et je suis resté », dit-il en fronçant les sourcils. "Anna, what is it for, why will you?" "Anna, à quoi ça sert, pourquoi tu veux?" he said after a moment's silence, bending over towards her, and he opened his hand, hoping she would lay hers in it. She was glad of this appeal for tenderness. Elle était heureuse de cet appel à la tendresse. But some strange force of evil would not let her give herself up to her feelings, as though the rules of warfare would not permit her to surrender. Mais une étrange force du mal ne la laissait pas se livrer à ses sentiments, comme si les règles de la guerre ne lui permettaient pas de se rendre.

"Of course you wanted to stay, and you stayed. You do everything you want to. But what do you tell me that for? With what object?" she said, getting more and more excited. "Does anyone contest your rights? But you want to be right, and you're welcome to be right." Mais vous voulez avoir raison, et vous êtes invités à avoir raison. " His hand closed, he turned away, and his face wore a still more obstinate expression.

"For you it's a matter of obstinacy," she said, watching him intently and suddenly finding the right word for that expression that irritated her, "simply obstinacy. For you it's a question of whether you keep the upper hand of me, while for me…." Pour vous, il s'agit de savoir si vous gardez le dessus sur moi, tandis que pour moi…. " Jums kyla klausimas, ar laikotės manęs viršenybės, o man ... “ Again she felt sorry for herself, and she almost burst into tears. "If you knew what it is for me! When I feel as I do now that you are hostile, yes, hostile to me, if you knew what this means for me! Quand je sens comme je le fais maintenant que vous êtes hostile, oui, hostile à moi, si vous saviez ce que cela signifie pour moi! If you knew how I feel on the brink of calamity at this instant, how afraid I am of myself!" Si vous saviez ce que je ressens au bord de la calamité en cet instant, combien j'ai peur de moi! " And she turned away, hiding her sobs.

"But what are you talking about?" he said, horrified at her expression of despair, and again bending over her, he took her hand and kissed it. "What is it for? Do I seek amusements outside our home? Don't I avoid the society of women?" "Well, yes! If that were all!" she said.

"Come, tell me what I ought to do to give you peace of mind? „Ateik, pasakyk, ką turėčiau daryti, kad tau būtų ramybė? I am ready to do anything to make you happy," he said, touched by her expression of despair; "what wouldn't I do to save you from distress of any sort, as now, Anna!" Je suis prêt à tout pour vous rendre heureux, dit-il, touché par son expression de désespoir, que ne ferais-je pas pour vous sauver d'une quelconque détresse, comme maintenant, Anna! he said.

"It's nothing, nothing!" she said.

"I don't know myself whether it's the solitary life, my nerves…. Come, don't let us talk of it. What about the race? You haven't told me!" she inquired, trying to conceal her triumph at the victory, which had anyway been on her side.

He asked for supper, and began telling her about the races; but in his tone, in his eyes, which became more and more cold, she saw that he did not forgive her for her victory, that the feeling of obstinacy with which she had been struggling had asserted itself again in him. Il a demandé à souper et a commencé à lui parler des courses; mais dans son ton, dans ses yeux, qui devenaient de plus en plus froids, elle voyait qu'il ne lui pardonnait pas sa victoire, que le sentiment d'obstination avec lequel elle avait lutté s'était réaffirmé en lui. He was colder to her than before, as though he were regretting his surrender. And she, remembering the words that had given her the victory, "how I feel on the brink of calamity, how afraid I am of myself," saw that this weapon was a dangerous one, and that it could not be used a second time. Et elle, se remémorant les mots qui lui avaient donné la victoire, «ce que je ressens au bord de la calamité, combien j'ai peur de moi-même», a vu que cette arme était dangereuse et qu'elle ne pouvait pas être utilisée une seconde fois. . And she felt that beside the love that bound them together there had grown up between them some evil spirit of strife, which she could not exorcise from his, and still less from her own heart. Et elle sentit qu'à côté de l'amour qui les liait, s'était développé entre eux un esprit de conflit maléfique, qu'elle ne pouvait pas exorciser du sien, et encore moins de son propre cœur.