Episode 2: Sin miedo Episode 2: Furchtlos Episode 2: Fearless Odcinek 2: Nieustraszony

**Martina Castro:** When Belén Fernández Llanos turned 28, she was preparing for a big change in her life. Martina Castro: When Belén Fernández Llanos turned 28, she was preparing for a big change in her life. She and her boyfriend of ten years, whom we'll call Martín, were planning to go on an adventure. She and her boyfriend of ten years, whom we'll call Martín, were planning to go on an adventure.

**Belén Fernandez Llanos:** Éramos dos jóvenes chilenos, enamorados, profesionales. Belén Fernandez Llanos: We were two young Chileans, lovers, professionals. Queríamos estudiar, aprender y vivir un tiempo en un país diferente. We wanted to study, learn and live for a while in a different country.

**Martina:** So Belén and Martín decided they would move from Chile to Argentina, where they would study, save up money, and travel. Martín got to Buenos Aires two months before Belén, to get settled. Belén was so excited, but the adventures that awaited her would be nothing like what she had imagined.

**Martina:** Welcome to the Duolingo Spanish Podcast, where we bring you bilingual stories of travels with unexpected turns, plans unraveled, and destinations unknown. The Spanish in this story is for intermediate level learners, but if you get lost, don't worry, we will be chiming in throughout the story. We join Belén's journey on her birthday — June first, 2014.

**Belén:** Antes de ir a Buenos Aires, mi familia organizó una fiesta de cumpleaños. Belén: Before going to Buenos Aires, my family organized a birthday party. El día de la fiesta, en la casa había muchos niños, familia, música y comidas. The day of the party, in the house there were many children, family, music and food. Celebramos el viaje y la nueva vida que iba a empezar en Buenos Aires. We celebrated the trip and the new life that was going to start in Buenos Aires.

**Martina:** As she blew out the candles on her birthday cake, instead of fortune, or long-lasting love, Belén asked for something else:

**Belén:** Sin miedo. Bethlehem: Fearless.

**Martina:** No fear, in other words, fearlessness. She wished for that as she embarked on this new phase of life because for some reason that she couldn't understand, Belén was afraid. Once she arrived in Buenos Aires, Belén went directly to the apartment she and Martín had picked out online. But in person, it didn't look at all like it did in the photos.

**Belén:** Cuando llegamos al apartamento, nos dimos cuenta de que el lugar era pequeño, horrible. Belén: When we got to the apartment, we realized that the place was small, horrible. Solo había espacio para una mesa, un armario para guardar la ropa y una cama. There was only room for a table, a wardrobe to store clothes and a bed. Las sábanas eran viejas y sucias. The sheets were old and dirty. La cocina estaba llena de grasa, y había cucarachas detrás del horno. The kitchen was full of grease, and there were cockroaches behind the oven.

**Martina:** Yes… cockroaches behind the oven. And the bathroom wasn't much better. Under the sink, there was a leak that every now and then would leave a huge puddle that covered the floor. Under the sink, there was a leak that every now and then would leave a huge puddle that covered the floor. As if this wasn't enough, the furnace barely heated their living space.

**Belén:** El viento entraba por las ventanas y dormíamos con frío. Belén: The wind entered through the windows and we slept cold. El invierno estaba cerca. Winter was near. El peor invierno de nuestras vidas. The worst winter of our lives.

**Martina:** The worst winter of their lives. It was coming. But not yet. That night, Belén and Martín enjoyed a nice dinner for her birthday in their new home, and he gave her a special gift.

**Belén:** Para mi cumpleaños, Martín me compró un libro. La historia era de una mujer de Buenos Aires que tenía un blog online, y escribía sobre su vida y su familia. Yo pasé mis primeros días en Buenos Aires leyendo el libro todo el tiempo — en el desayuno, por la tarde y antes de dormir. I spent my first days in Buenos Aires reading the book all the time — at breakfast, in the afternoon, and before bed.

**Martina:** Belén spent her days and nights reading the book Martín had given her. She immersed herself in that world, almost as if to escape the one she was in with Martín.

**Belén:** Leía el libro todo el día para no aceptar la verdad — Martín y yo no estábamos bien. Belén: I read the book all day so as not to accept the truth — Martín and I were not well.

**Martina:** This became obvious to Belén when she got to a certain section of the book. The main character, a woman in her fifties, had been married for almost 30 years. Die Hauptfigur, eine Frau in den Fünfzigern, war seit fast 30 Jahren verheiratet.

**Belén:** En un momento, su hijo mayor le hace una pregunta: Belén: At one point, her eldest son asks her a question:

**Martina:** In the book, the son asks his mom, “Do you still love dad?” And the mother doesn't know how to respond. She thinks to herself, “how do you tell a twenty-something kid that one day you're going to wake up with someone who doesn't desire you anymore, but you'll still feel like you're nothing without him?”

**Belén:** Esa fue la única página que marqué y después lloré. Belén: That was the only page I marked and then I cried. Lloré y me sentí de cincuenta años porque para mí el amor era un poco eso. I cried and felt fifty years old because for me love was a bit like that.

**Martina:** Belén cried because she could sympathize with the character and her relationship. Martina: Belén cried because she could sympathize with the character and her relationship.

**Belén:** Estuve con Martín por casi diez años. Belén: I was with Martín for almost ten years. En ese tiempo, para mí el amor fueron las noches cuando Martín me decía dormido “te quiero, corazón.” Eran las cosas simples, de todos los días, las cosas que hacíamos juntos. At that time, for me, love was the nights when Martín told me in his sleep “I love you, sweetheart.” It was the simple, everyday things, the things we did together. Para mí, eso era suficiente. For me, that was enough.

**Martina:** But soon, Belén would find out that what had been enough for her, had not been enough for Martín.

**Belén:** Después de quince días en Buenos Aires, Martín me dijo que no había pensado en mí, que no me extrañó durante los dos meses que él estuvo en Argentina solo. Belén: After fifteen days in Buenos Aires, Martín told me that he hadn't thought of me, that he didn't surprise me during the two months he was in Argentina alone. Dijo que habíamos estado mucho tiempo juntos y que quizás ya era tiempo de crecer, separados, solos. He said that we had been together for a long time and that perhaps it was time to grow up, apart, alone.

**Martina:** For Martín, the relationship had reached its end, and it was time for them to move on — to grow, but each on their own.

**Belén:** Teníamos que crecer, sí. Belén: We had to grow up, yes. Pero la verdad fue que él no estaba solo. But the truth was that he was not alone.

**Martina:** Long after, Belén learned the real story behind the breakup. Those two months that Martín was waiting for her in Buenos Aires? He was living in a hostel that she had recommended to him. There, he met a French woman. Belén never learned the details, but she supposes they fell in love during that time and that Martín didn't know how to tell her once she got to Argentina. The worst part is that Belén discovered this when she saw photos of them on Facebook. After the break up, it looks like they traveled together across Latin America. They even went to the same places he had planned on going with Belén.

**Belén:** El día que lo descubrí no lloré, no le escribí, y no hablé de mi tristeza con mis amigas. Belén: The day I found out I didn't cry, I didn't write to him, and I didn't talk about my sadness with my friends. Me quedé en silencio, sentada frente a una ventana, mirando un árbol que estaba a punto de florecer. I stayed silent, sitting in front of a window, looking at a tree that was about to blossom.

**Martina:** Days after seeing those photos, Belén finally was able to write to Martín to let him know what she had discovered. A few hours later, she received his reply. Martín said he was destroyed, full of shame, and felt desperate. He explained that he hadn't planned for any of that to happen and that he had never meant to hurt her. She didn't write back.

**Belén:** Días después, me volvió a escribir. Belén: Days later, he wrote to me again. Esta vez, Martín me mandó una carta larga y muy triste. This time, Martin sent me a long and very sad letter. Hablaba como salido de una telenovela. He spoke like something out of a soap opera. Y cada día recibía nuevos mensajes de él — fotos, canciones, películas. And every day I received new messages from him — photos, songs, movies.

**Martina:** So one day, Belén rolled up her sleeves and decided it was time to give Martin the response he deserved. One that would once and for all put an end to the drama. Eine, die dem Drama ein für alle Mal ein Ende setzen würde.

**Belén:** El email que escribí era violento pero hermoso. Belén: The email I wrote was violent but beautiful. Leerlo era como recibir una tortura. Reading it was like receiving torture. Imaginaba a Martín triste después de leer las primeras líneas. I imagined Martín sad after reading the first lines.

**Martina:** But by the end, Belén's words grew in their precision and finality. She imagined him literally dying of sorrow as he read her poetic and detailed goodbye.

**Belén:** Era el crimen perfecto. Belén: It was the perfect crime. En mi fantasía, los diarios argentinos dirían esto: “joven chileno muere por causas misteriosas”. In my fantasy, the Argentine newspapers would say this: "young Chilean dies of mysterious causes." La autopsia encontró su corazón roto por la mitad. The autopsy found her heart broken in half.

**Martina:** His heart split in two. No external injuries. Martín's death would be classified a mystery. This was Belén's fantasy as she wrote this weaponized letter. But…

**Belén:** Nunca envié ese email. Belén: I never sent that email.

**Martina:** She never sent it. Martina: She never felt it.

**Belén:** No quería continuar nuestra relación, nuestra historia, por internet. Belén: I didn't want to continue our relationship, our story, online. Nuestro amor era sobre nuestros cuerpos, el sonido de nuestras palabras… ¿por qué nuestra historia iba a terminar en frente a un computador? Our love was about our bodies, the sound of our words… why would our story end in front of a computer?

**Martina:** So instead, Belén told him they should meet face to face. Martina: So instead, Belén told him they should meet face to face. When they saw each other, the conversation at first was more practical. Who would take what from the apartment. How to settle their bills. But at the end, Belén couldn't help but ask him:

**Belén:** ¿Y ahora qué vamos a hacer? Belén: And now what are we going to do? ¿Cómo vamos a seguir nuestras vidas? How are we going to go on with our lives?

**Martina:** They embraced, and cried. Martina: They embraced, and cried. Heaving, deep sobs…because they both were wondering how life would be without the other. It was cathartic. And once they let go, it was over.

**Belén:** Los días que siguieron fueron más o menos así: fumar mucho, ir a mis clases en la universidad, vivir con gente nueva y hacer nuevos amigos. Belén: The days that followed were more or less like this: smoking a lot, going to my classes at the university, living with new people and making new friends. A veces lloraba un poco en algún parque, o en bicicleta o antes de dormir. Sometimes I cried a little in a park, or on a bike or before going to sleep.

**Martina:** And then she started going out. Martina: And then she started going out. A lot.

**Belén:** La conquista del hombre argentino era muy rápida. Belén: The conquest of the Argentine man was very fast. Después de bailar solo dos canciones me preguntaban “¿A tu casa o a la mía?”. After dancing only two songs they asked me “To your house or to mine?”. Así de rápido. This fast. Así de vacío. So empty. Acepté muchas de esas invitaciones, no sé a cuántas. I accepted many of those invitations, I don't know how many.

**Martina:** Belén got caught up going to parties and meeting other men — it helped distract her from her pain. Martina: Belén got caught up going to parties and meeting other men — it helped distract her from her pain. And then one night, instead of the usual reggaeton or cumbia, the DJ played an unexpected song. And then one night, instead of the usual reggaeton or cumbia, the DJ played an unexpected song.

**Belén:** Cuando escuché la batería, supe que era la canción Billie Jean de Michael Jackson. Belén: When I heard the drums, I knew it was the song Billie Jean by Michael Jackson. Empecé a cantar y cerré los ojos. I started to sing and closed my eyes. En ese momento, después de tanto tiempo, me sentí bien por primera vez. At that moment, after so long, I felt good for the first time.

**Martina:** Belén thought about the many times when she had danced with Martín but had really wanted to dance alone. Martina: Belén thought about the many times when she had danced with Martín but had really wanted to dance alone. That night, she let herself enjoy that freedom and the space around her —

**Belén:** Hice unos cuantos pasos ridículos, subí los brazos, me solté suavemente el pelo… Belén: I made a few ridiculous steps, I raised my arms, I gently let my hair down…

**Martina:** Belén felt as powerful as the king of pop himself…as if the floor were illuminating beneath her steps… Martina: Belén felt as powerful as the king of pop himself…as if the floor were illuminating beneath her steps…

**Belén:** Me sentí sola, sí. Belén: I felt alone, yes. Pero sin dolor. But without pain. Sin miedo. Without fear.