Friends S03E04 1d
Welcome, everybody! Welcome to Amazing Discoveries! It's on again! Guys, could we please not watch this? This ever happen to you? You go to get a glass of milk... ...but these cartons are so flinging, flanging hard to open! Boy, you said it, Mike. - There's gotta be a better way. - There is, Kevin! - Can we please turn this off? - No way, Kevin! What if I told you there's a new product that guarantees... ...you'll never have to open up milk cartons again? Meet the Milkmaster 2000! - Intrigued? - You're flinging, flanging right I am! This is the first time he's used this. You'll see how easy this is to do. - This works in any milk carton. - Wow, it is easy! Now I can have milk every day. I can't watch this anymore. You've suffered enough. We'll change it. - How many times has this happened? - There's gotta be a better way! The One With the Metaphorical Tunnel It's official. There are no good movies. So let's go to a bad one, and make out. Perhaps you'd like me to turn so you can bunny-bump against my back? - Hey, man. What's up? - Maybe you can tell me. My agent wants to know why I didn't show up at my audition today... ...my first good one in weeks. How could you not give me the message? I'll tell you, I do enjoy guilt... ...but it wasn't me. Yes, it was. It was him! Okay, it was me! - How was it you? - Well, it was all so crazy, you know? Chandler was in the closet, counting to 10... ...and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See? All of it. Yep, that's my audition. See? Now, this is why I keep notepads everywhere. Yep. And that's why we don't invite you to play. What is the great tragedy here? Get yourself another appointment. Estelle tried. The casting director told her I missed my chance. Well, that is unfair! I'll call her. I'll tell her it was my fault. You can't. The casting director doesn't talk to friends. - She only talks to agents. - What a sad little life she must lead. - What are you doing? - No, I know, I know. Hi, this is Caitlin from Phoebe Buffay's office. Is Anne there for Phoebe? She'll know what it's about. Hang up. Hang up right... Annie? Hi. Listen, we've got a problem with Joey Tribbiani. Apparently, he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle? I don't know what to do with her. So your husband leaves and burns down the apartment. The world doesn't stop. Is anybody else scared? If Joey loses this audition, then that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie, you are a doll. What time can you see him? I need a pen. Pen! Get the woman a pad! Get the woman a pad! A pad! A pad! Oh, now you want a pad. That's funny. Ugly Naked Guy's naked, but his dog's wearing a sweater. Hey! Where's my boy? Here's my boy! And here's his Barbie! What's my boy doing with a Barbie? He picked it out at the store. He loves it. He carries it everywhere, like a security blanket. But with ski boots and a kicky beret. Yeah, it's cute. Why does he have it again? So he's got a doll. So what? Unless you're afraid he's gonna grow up to be... ...in show business. This wouldn't have to do with the fact... ...that he's being raised by two women? You know what? It's fine. If you're okay with the Barbie thing, so am I. Give Daddy the Barbie. Give me the Barbie. Don't you wanna play with a monster truck? No? Okay. How about a Dino-Soldier? You are so pathetic. Why can't your son just play with his doll? I gotta go to work. Has anybody seen my left boob? I loved that movie. Here it is. What are you doing? I'm sorry. It just felt nice. Answer the phone. I only got one arm. You should do stuff for me. Get me a sweater. Just do it! It's Janice. And if I get it, I'll have to see her tonight. That's great. I'll have to see her tonight. Why don't you want to see Janice? Last night at dinner, when the meals came... ...she put half her chicken piccata on my plate and took all my tomatoes. And that's bad... ...because you hate chicken piccata? You didn't want to share your tomatoes. Tomatoes are very important to you. Suddenly, we were this "couple." And this alarm started going off in my head. "Run for your life! Get out of the building!" Men are unbelievable. Janice thought she was giving you chicken. She didn't think she was giving you scary chicken. What is it with you people? The minute you feel something, you have to run away? I know. That... That's why I don't want to go tonight. I'm afraid I'll say something stupid. You mean that "guy thing" where you act mean and distant... ...until we break up with you? You know about that? What do I do? I wanna get past this. I don't want to be afraid of commitment. I want to go through the tunnel to the other side! Where there's no fear of commitment. Do we have any... Do we have any thoughts here? I've never been through the tunnel myself because... ...you're not allowed through with more than one girl in the car. But it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else. Face your fear. Fear of heights? Go to the top of the building. You're afraid of bugs. Get a bug. You have a fear of commitment. So I say you go in there and you be the most committed guy there ever was! Amazingly, that makes sense. - Do you think? - Oh, yeah! Go for it, man! Jump off the high dive! Stare down the barrel of the gun! Pee into the wind! If I'm staring down the barrel of a gun... ...I'm gonna be pretty much peeing every which way.
