Friends season 1 episode 1 part 3
(CUT TO RACHEL STARING OUT OF HER WINDOW)
SCENE 5: MONICA & RACHEL'S APARTMENT: RACHEL IS MAKING COFFEE FOR JOEY AND CHANDLER) RACHEL: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.
CHANDLER: That is amazing.
JOEY: Congratulations.
RACHEL: You know, I figured if I can make coffee, there isn't anything that I can't do. CHANDLER: No, I think it's, "If I can invade Poland, there isn't anything that I can't do." JOEY: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelette or something... (JOEY AND CHANDLER TASTE THE COFFEE, GRIMACE, AND POUR IT INTO A PLANT POT) Although actually I'm really not that hungry... (ENTER MONICA FROM HER ROOM)
MONICA: Oh good. Lenny and Squiggy are here.
ALL: Morning. Good morning.
(ENTER PAUL FROM MONICA'S ROOM) PAUL: Morning.
JOEY: Morning, Paul.
RACHEL: Hello, Paul.
CHANDLER: Hi, Paul, was it?
(MONICA AND PAUL WALK TO THE DOOR AND TALK IN A LOW VOICE SO THE OTHERS CAN'T HEAR. THE OTHERS SHUNT MONICA'S TABLE CLOSER TO TO THE DOOR SO THEY CAN) MONICA: I had a really great time last night.
PAUL: Thank you. Thank you so much.
MONICA: Stop.
PAUL: No, I'm telling you. Last night was like, it was like all of my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene at Witness. (MONICA LOOKS INTO APARTMENT. CHANDLER, RACHEL, AND JOEY PRETEND TO BE TALKING TO BE OCCUPIED WITH OTHER THINGS. MONICA CLOSES THE DOOR TO A NARROWER ANGLE.)
MONICA: We'll talk later. PAUL: Yeah. (PAUL AND MONICA KISS. CHANDLER, RACHEL AND JOEY MOVE THE TABLE) Thank you. (EXIT PAUL. MONICA ENTERS APARTMENT.)
JOEY: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?
MONICA: Shut up, and put my table back.
ALL: Okayyy! (THEY DO)
CHANDLER: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers... it doesn't make much of a difference. RACHEL: So, like, you guys all have jobs?
MONICA: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff. JOEY: Yeah, I'm an actor. RACHEL: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?
JOEY: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
MONICA: Oh wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio. CHANDLER: "Look, Geppetto, I'm a real live boy." JOEY: I will not take this abuse. (WALKS TO DOOR AND OPENS IT TO LEAVE)
CHANDLER: You're right, I'm sorry. (BURSTS INTO SONG AND DANCES OUT OF THE DOOR) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..." (EXIT CHANDLER)
JOEY: You should both know that he's a dead man. Oh Chandler...?
(EXIT JOEY)
MONICA: So, how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Did you talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling. RACHEL: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
MONICA: I know, he's just so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco? RACHEL: Oh, yeah.
MONICA: Well, it's like that. With feelings.
RACHEL: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.
MONICA: Big time.
RACHEL: Do you want a wedding dress? Hardly used.
MONICA: I think we're getting a little ahead of ourselves here. Okay.
Okay.
I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work. RACHEL: Oh, wish me luck!
MONICA: What for?
RACHEL: I'm gonna go get one of those job things. (EXIT MONICA)
SCENE 6: IRIDIUM (JUST MONICA, WORKING)
(ENTER FRANNIE)
FRANNIE: Hey, Monica!
MONICA: Hey, Frannie. Welcome back! How was Florida?
FRANNIE: You had sex, didn't you? MONICA: How do you do that?
FRANNIE: Oh, I hate you. I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex. So... Who?
MONICA: You know Paul?
FRANNIE: Paul the wine guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.
MONICA: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?
FRANNIE: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. You know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
(CUT TO THE GANG MINUS RACHEL AT CENTRAL PERK)
JOEY: (PERCHED ON THE SIDE OF THE SOFA) Of course it was a line!
MONICA: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?
ROSS: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than, "To get you into bed." MONICA: I hate men. I hate men!
PHOEBE: Oh no, don't hate. You don't want to put that out in the universe. MONICA: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
PHOEBE: All right, come here, give me your feet. (SHE MASSAGES THEM)
MONICA: I just thought he was nice, you know?
JOEY: (BURSTS OUT LAUGHING AGAIN) I can't believe you didn't know it was a line! (MONICA PUSHES HIM OFF THE SOFA. ENTER RACHEL WITH SHOPPING)
RACHEL: Guess what?
ROSS: You got a job?
RACHEL: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.
CHANDLER: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat. RACHEL: Well, you would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!
CHANDLER: Oh, how well you know me.
RACHEL: They're my new "I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots" boots! MONICA: How'd you pay for them? RACHEL: Uh, credit card.
MONICA: And who pays for that?
RACHEL: Um... my... father.
(CUT TO THE GANG AT MONICA + RACHEL'S, SITTING ROUND A TABLE. ON THE TABLE ARE RACHEL'S CREDIT CARDS AND A PAIR OF SCISSORS) RACHEL: Come on, guys. Is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging any time I want.
MONICA: Come on, Rachel. You can't live off your parents your whole life. RACHEL: I know that. That's why I was getting married. PHOEBE: Come on, give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time. RACHEL: Thank you.
PHOEBE: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside Port Authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
(A PAUSE)
ROSS: The word you're looking for is "Anyway..." MONICA: All right. You ready?
RACHEL: No, no no I'm not ready. "Hey Rach, you ready to jump out of an airplane without a parachute?" Come on, I can't do this. MONICA: Yeah, you can. I know you can.
RACHEL: I don't think so. ROSS: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything.
(CHANDLER MOVES PLANT POT CLOSER TO HIM)
ROSS: Cut--
ROSS, MONICA, JOEY, & PHOEBE: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (SHE CUTS A CARD) ROSS: All right.
RACHEL: You know what? I think we can just leave it at that. Kind of like a symbolic gesture.
MONICA: Rachel, that was a library card.
ROSS, MONICA, JOEY, PHOEBE: Cut, cut, cut, cut--
CHANDLER: You know, if you listen very closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
(RACHEL CUTS ALL CARDS. ROSS, MONICA, JOEY, PHOEBE, & CHANDLER CHEER) MONICA: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it! (CUT TO SAME SET. MONICA, RACHEL AND ROSS HAVE JUST FINISHED WATCHING A FILM)
MONICA: Well, that's it. RACHEL: (TO ROSS) You gonna crash on the couch?
ROSS: No. No, I gotta go home sometime.
MONICA: You're going to be okay? ROSS: Yeah.
RACHEL: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. (MON SMILES) What?
MONICA: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody. (STOMPS ON PAUL'S WATCH AND GOES TO HER ROOM) ROSS: Mmm. (THEY BOTH REACH FOR THE LAST COOKIE) Oh, no -
RACHEL: Sorry -
ROSS: No no no, go -
RACHEL: No, you have it, really, I don't want it - ROSS: Split it?
RACHEL: Okay.
ROSS: Okay. (THEY SPLIT IT) You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you. RACHEL: I knew.
ROSS: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother. RACHEL: I did.
ROSS: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here - but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?
RACHEL: Yeah, maybe...
ROSS: Okay... okay, maybe I will...
RACHEL: Good night.
ROSS: Good night.
(EXIT RACHEL TO HER BEDROOM. ENTER MONICA IN DRESSING GOWN, AS ROSS IS LEAVING)
MONICA: See ya.... Wait wait, what's with you? ROSS: I just grabbed a spoon. (EXIT ROSS)
(CLOSING CREDITS)
