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Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, Part 4. Chapter 18.

Part 4. Chapter 18.

After the conversation with Alexey Alexandrovitch, Vronsky went out onto the steps of the Karenins' house and stood still, with difficulty remembering where he was, and where he ought to walk or drive. He felt disgraced, humiliated, guilty, and deprived of all possibility of washing away his humiliation. He felt thrust out of the beaten track along which he had so proudly and lightly walked till then. All the habits and rules of his life that had seemed so firm, had turned out suddenly false and inapplicable. The betrayed husband, who had figured till that time as a pitiful creature, an incidental and somewhat ludicrous obstacle to his happiness, had suddenly been summoned by her herself, elevated to an awe-inspiring pinnacle, and on the pinnacle that husband had shown himself, not malignant, not false, not ludicrous, but kind and straightforward and large. Vronsky could not but feel this, and the parts were suddenly reversed. Vronsky felt his elevation and his own abasement, his truth and his own falsehood. He felt that the husband was magnanimous even in his sorrow, while he had been base and petty in his deceit. But this sense of his own humiliation before the man he had unjustly despised made up only a small part of his misery. He felt unutterably wretched now, for his passion for Anna, which had seemed to him of late to be growing cooler, now that he knew he had lost her forever, was stronger than ever it had been. He had seen all of her in her illness, had come to know her very soul, and it seemed to him that he had never loved her till then. And now when he had learned to know her, to love her as she should be loved, he had been humiliated before her, and had lost her forever, leaving with her nothing of himself but a shameful memory. Most terrible of all had been his ludicrous, shameful position when Alexey Alexandrovitch had pulled his hands away from his humiliated face. He stood on the steps of the Karenins' house like one distraught, and did not know what to do. "A sledge, sir?" asked the porter.

"Yes, a sledge." On getting home, after three sleepless nights, Vronsky, without undressing, lay down flat on the sofa, clasping his hands and laying his head on them. His head was heavy. Images, memories, and ideas of the strangest description followed one another with extraordinary rapidity and vividness. First it was the medicine he had poured out for the patient and spilt over the spoon, then the midwife's white hands, then the queer posture of Alexey Alexandrovitch on the floor beside the bed. "To sleep! To forget!" he said to himself with the serene confidence of a healthy man that if he is tired and sleepy, he will go to sleep at once. And the same instant his head did begin to feel drowsy and he began to drop off into forgetfulness. The waves of the sea of unconsciousness had begun to meet over his head, when all at once—it was as though a violent shock of electricity had passed over him. He started so that he leaped up on the springs of the sofa, and leaning on his arms got in a panic onto his knees. His eyes were wide open as though he had never been asleep. The heaviness in his head and the weariness in his limbs that he had felt a minute before had suddenly gone.

"You may trample me in the mud," he heard Alexey Alexandrovitch's words and saw him standing before him, and saw Anna's face with its burning flush and glittering eyes, gazing with love and tenderness not at him but at Alexey Alexandrovitch; he saw his own, as he fancied, foolish and ludicrous figure when Alexey Alexandrovitch took his hands away from his face. He stretched out his legs again and flung himself on the sofa in the same position and shut his eyes.

"To sleep! To forget!" he repeated to himself. But with his eyes shut he saw more distinctly than ever Anna's face as it had been on the memorable evening before the races. "That is not and will not be, and she wants to wipe it out of her memory. But I cannot live without it. How can we be reconciled? how can we be reconciled?" he said aloud, and unconsciously began to repeat these words. This repetition checked the rising up of fresh images and memories, which he felt were thronging in his brain. But repeating words did not check his imagination for long. Again in extraordinarily rapid succession his best moments rose before his mind, and then his recent humiliation. "Take away his hands," Anna's voice says. He takes away his hands and feels the shamestruck and idiotic expression of his face.

He still lay down, trying to sleep, though he felt there was not the smallest hope of it, and kept repeating stray words from some chain of thought, trying by this to check the rising flood of fresh images. He listened, and heard in a strange, mad whisper words repeated: "I did not appreciate it, did not make enough of it. I did not appreciate it, did not make enough of it." "What's this? Am I going out of my mind?" he said to himself. "Perhaps. What makes men go out of their minds; what makes men shoot themselves?" he answered himself, and opening his eyes, he saw with wonder an embroidered cushion beside him, worked by Varya, his brother's wife. He touched the tassel of the cushion, and tried to think of Varya, of when he had seen her last. But to think of anything extraneous was an agonizing effort. "No, I must sleep!" He moved the cushion up, and pressed his head into it, but he had to make an effort to keep his eyes shut. He jumped up and sat down. "That's all over for me," he said to himself. "I must think what to do. What is left?" His mind rapidly ran through his life apart from his love of Anna.

"Ambition? Serpuhovskoy? Society? The court?" He could not come to a pause anywhere. All of it had had meaning before, but now there was no reality in it. He got up from the sofa, took off his coat, undid his belt, and uncovering his hairy chest to breathe more freely, walked up and down the room. "This is how people go mad," he repeated, "and how they shoot themselves…to escape humiliation," he added slowly. He went to the door and closed it, then with fixed eyes and clenched teeth he went up to the table, took a revolver, looked round him, turned it to a loaded barrel, and sank into thought. For two minutes, his head bent forward with an expression of an intense effort of thought, he stood with the revolver in his hand, motionless, thinking.

"Of course," he said to himself, as though a logical, continuous, and clear chain of reasoning had brought him to an indubitable conclusion. In reality this "of course," that seemed convincing to him, was simply the result of exactly the same circle of memories and images through which he had passed ten times already during the last hour—memories of happiness lost forever. There was the same conception of the senselessness of everything to come in life, the same consciousness of humiliation. Even the sequence of these images and emotions was the same.

"Of course," he repeated, when for the third time his thought passed again round the same spellbound circle of memories and images, and pulling the revolver to the left side of his chest, and clutching it vigorously with his whole hand, as it were, squeezing it in his fist, he pulled the trigger. He did not hear the sound of the shot, but a violent blow on his chest sent him reeling. He tried to clutch at the edge of the table, dropped the revolver, staggered, and sat down on the ground, looking about him in astonishment. He did not recognize his room, looking up from the ground, at the bent legs of the table, at the wastepaper basket, and the tiger-skin rug. The hurried, creaking steps of his servant coming through the drawing room brought him to his senses. He made an effort at thought, and was aware that he was on the floor; and seeing blood on the tiger-skin rug and on his arm, he knew he had shot himself.

"Idiotic! Missed!" he said, fumbling after the revolver. The revolver was close beside him—he sought further off. Still feeling for it, he stretched out to the other side, and not being strong enough to keep his balance, fell over, streaming with blood.

The elegant, whiskered manservant, who used to be continually complaining to his acquaintances of the delicacy of his nerves, was so panic-stricken on seeing his master lying on the floor, that he left him losing blood while he ran for assistance. An hour later Varya, his brother's wife, had arrived, and with the assistance of three doctors, whom she had sent for in all directions, and who all appeared at the same moment, she got the wounded man to bed, and remained to nurse him.

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Part 4. Chapter 18. 第 4 部分。第 18 章。

After the conversation with Alexey Alexandrovitch, Vronsky went out onto the steps of the Karenins' house and stood still, with difficulty remembering where he was, and where he ought to walk or drive. Après la conversation avec Alexey Alexandrovitch, Vronsky monta sur les marches de la maison des Karénins et resta immobile, se rappelant difficilement où il était et où il devait marcher ou conduire. He felt disgraced, humiliated, guilty, and deprived of all possibility of washing away his humiliation. Il se sentait déshonoré, humilié, coupable et privé de toute possibilité de laver son humiliation. He felt thrust out of the beaten track along which he had so proudly and lightly walked till then. Il se sentit chassé des sentiers battus le long desquels il avait si fièrement et si légèrement marché jusque-là. All the habits and rules of his life that had seemed so firm, had turned out suddenly false and inapplicable. |||||||||||||||||||uygulanamaz Alle gewoonten en regels van zijn leven die zo streng hadden geleken, waren plotseling vals en niet toepasbaar gebleken. The betrayed husband, who had figured till that time as a pitiful creature, an incidental and somewhat ludicrous obstacle to his happiness, had suddenly been summoned by her herself, elevated to an awe-inspiring pinnacle, and on the pinnacle that husband had shown himself, not malignant, not false, not ludicrous, but kind and straightforward and large. Le mari trahi, qui avait figuré jusque-là comme une créature pitoyable, un obstacle accessoire et quelque peu ridicule à son bonheur, avait été soudainement convoqué par elle-même, élevé à un sommet impressionnant, et sur le sommet que le mari s'était montré , pas malin, pas faux, pas ridicule, mais gentil et simple et grand. Vronsky could not but feel this, and the parts were suddenly reversed. |||||||||||tersine çevrildi Vronsky ne pouvait que ressentir cela, et les parties furent soudainement inversées. Vronsky felt his elevation and his own abasement, his truth and his own falsehood. |||yükselişi||||aşağılık du|||||| He felt that the husband was magnanimous even in his sorrow, while he had been base and petty in his deceit. ||||||büyük yürekli|||||||||||||| But this sense of his own humiliation before the man he had unjustly despised made up only a small part of his misery. He felt unutterably wretched now, for his passion for Anna, which had seemed to him of late to be growing cooler, now that he knew he had lost her forever, was stronger than ever it had been. He had seen all of her in her illness, had come to know her very soul, and it seemed to him that he had never loved her till then. And now when he had learned to know her, to love her as she should be loved, he had been humiliated before her, and had lost her forever, leaving with her nothing of himself but a shameful memory. Most terrible of all had been his ludicrous, shameful position when Alexey Alexandrovitch had pulled his hands away from his humiliated face. He stood on the steps of the Karenins' house like one distraught, and did not know what to do. |||||||||||perişan halde||||||| "A sledge, sir?" asked the porter.

"Yes, a sledge." On getting home, after three sleepless nights, Vronsky, without undressing, lay down flat on the sofa, clasping his hands and laying his head on them. His head was heavy. Images, memories, and ideas of the strangest description followed one another with extraordinary rapidity and vividness. |||||||||||||hızla|| First it was the medicine he had poured out for the patient and spilt over the spoon, then the midwife's white hands, then the queer posture of Alexey Alexandrovitch on the floor beside the bed. |||||||||||||dökmek||||||||||||||||||||| C'était d'abord le médicament qu'il avait versé pour le patient et renversé sur la cuillère, puis les mains blanches de la sage-femme, puis la posture bizarre d'Alexey Alexandrovitch sur le sol à côté du lit. "To sleep! To forget!" he said to himself with the serene confidence of a healthy man that if he is tired and sleepy, he will go to sleep at once. And the same instant his head did begin to feel drowsy and he began to drop off into forgetfulness. ||||||||||uykulu||||||||unutkanlık The waves of the sea of unconsciousness had begun to meet over his head, when all at once—it was as though a violent shock of electricity had passed over him. He started so that he leaped up on the springs of the sofa, and leaning on his arms got in a panic onto his knees. Il sursauta de telle sorte qu'il sauta sur les ressorts du canapé et, appuyé sur ses bras, s'affola sur ses genoux. His eyes were wide open as though he had never been asleep. The heaviness in his head and the weariness in his limbs that he had felt a minute before had suddenly gone. ||||||||içinde||||||||||||

"You may trample me in the mud," he heard Alexey Alexandrovitch's words and saw him standing before him, and saw Anna's face with its burning flush and glittering eyes, gazing with love and tenderness not at him but at Alexey Alexandrovitch; he saw his own, as he fancied, foolish and ludicrous figure when Alexey Alexandrovitch took his hands away from his face. sen||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| He stretched out his legs again and flung himself on the sofa in the same position and shut his eyes.

"To sleep! To forget!" he repeated to himself. But with his eyes shut he saw more distinctly than ever Anna's face as it had been on the memorable evening before the races. Tačiau užmerkęs akis jis kaip niekad aiškiai matė Anos veidą, koks buvo įsimintinas vakaras prieš lenktynes. "That is not and will not be, and she wants to wipe it out of her memory. «Ce n'est pas et ne sera pas, et elle veut l'effacer de sa mémoire. But I cannot live without it. How can we be reconciled? how can we be reconciled?" he said aloud, and unconsciously began to repeat these words. This repetition checked the rising up of fresh images and memories, which he felt were thronging in his brain. |||||||||||||||yığılmış||| Cette répétition a freiné la montée d'images et de souvenirs frais, qui, selon lui, se pressaient dans son cerveau. But repeating words did not check his imagination for long. Mais répéter des mots ne bloqua pas longtemps son imagination. Again in extraordinarily rapid succession his best moments rose before his mind, and then his recent humiliation. "Take away his hands," Anna's voice says. He takes away his hands and feels the shamestruck and idiotic expression of his face. ||||||||utanç verici|||||| Il enlève ses mains et sent l'expression chaotique et idiote de son visage.

He still lay down, trying to sleep, though he felt there was not the smallest hope of it, and kept repeating stray words from some chain of thought, trying by this to check the rising flood of fresh images. Il restait allongé, essayant de dormir, même s'il sentait qu'il n'y avait pas le moindre espoir, et continuait de répéter des mots errants d'une chaîne de pensées, essayant par là de contrôler le flot croissant d'images fraîches. He listened, and heard in a strange, mad whisper words repeated: "I did not appreciate it, did not make enough of it. Il écouta et entendit dans un chuchotement étrange et insensé des mots répétés: «Je n'ai pas apprécié, je n'en ai pas fait assez. I did not appreciate it, did not make enough of it." Je ne l’ai pas apprécié, je n’en ai pas fait assez. » "What's this? Am I going out of my mind?" he said to himself. "Perhaps. What makes men go out of their minds; what makes men shoot themselves?" Qu'est-ce qui fait sortir les hommes de leur esprit? qu'est-ce qui pousse les hommes à se tirer une balle? " he answered himself, and opening his eyes, he saw with wonder an embroidered cushion beside him, worked by Varya, his brother's wife. He touched the tassel of the cushion, and tried to think of Varya, of when he had seen her last. |||yastığın püsk|||||||||||||||| But to think of anything extraneous was an agonizing effort. |||||ilgisiz|||| "No, I must sleep!" He moved the cushion up, and pressed his head into it, but he had to make an effort to keep his eyes shut. He jumped up and sat down. "That's all over for me," he said to himself. "I must think what to do. What is left?" His mind rapidly ran through his life apart from his love of Anna. Son esprit a rapidement parcouru sa vie indépendamment de son amour pour Anna.

"Ambition? Serpuhovskoy? Society? The court?" He could not come to a pause anywhere. All of it had had meaning before, but now there was no reality in it. He got up from the sofa, took off his coat, undid his belt, and uncovering his hairy chest to breathe more freely, walked up and down the room. "This is how people go mad," he repeated, "and how they shoot themselves…to escape humiliation," he added slowly. He went to the door and closed it, then with fixed eyes and clenched teeth he went up to the table, took a revolver, looked round him, turned it to a loaded barrel, and sank into thought. |||||||||||||sıkı diş||||||||||tabanca||||||||||||| Il s'approcha de la porte et la ferma, puis, les yeux fixes et les dents serrées, il s'approcha de la table, prit un revolver, regarda autour de lui, le tourna en baril chargé et sombra dans ses pensées. For two minutes, his head bent forward with an expression of an intense effort of thought, he stood with the revolver in his hand, motionless, thinking.

"Of course," he said to himself, as though a logical, continuous, and clear chain of reasoning had brought him to an indubitable conclusion. In reality this "of course," that seemed convincing to him, was simply the result of exactly the same circle of memories and images through which he had passed ten times already during the last hour—memories of happiness lost forever. There was the same conception of the senselessness of everything to come in life, the same consciousness of humiliation. Even the sequence of these images and emotions was the same.

"Of course," he repeated, when for the third time his thought passed again round the same spellbound circle of memories and images, and pulling the revolver to the left side of his chest, and clutching it vigorously with his whole hand, as it were, squeezing it in his fist, he pulled the trigger. ||||||||||||||||büyülenmiş|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| "Bien sûr," répéta-t-il, quand pour la troisième fois sa pensée passa à nouveau autour du même cercle envoûté de souvenirs et d'images, et en tirant le revolver sur le côté gauche de sa poitrine, et en le serrant vigoureusement avec toute sa main, comme il étaient, en le serrant dans son poing, il a appuyé sur la détente. He did not hear the sound of the shot, but a violent blow on his chest sent him reeling. ||||||||||||||||||sarsılarak geri He tried to clutch at the edge of the table, dropped the revolver, staggered, and sat down on the ground, looking about him in astonishment. Il essaya de s'agripper au bord de la table, lâcha le revolver, tituba et s'assit par terre, regardant autour de lui avec étonnement. He did not recognize his room, looking up from the ground, at the bent legs of the table, at the wastepaper basket, and the tiger-skin rug. ||||||||||||||||||||atık kağıt|||||| The hurried, creaking steps of his servant coming through the drawing room brought him to his senses. Les pas précipités et grinçants de son serviteur qui traversaient le salon le ramenèrent à ses sens. He made an effort at thought, and was aware that he was on the floor; and seeing blood on the tiger-skin rug and on his arm, he knew he had shot himself.

"Idiotic! Missed!" he said, fumbling after the revolver. The revolver was close beside him—he sought further off. ||||||o||| Le revolver était près de lui - il chercha plus loin. Still feeling for it, he stretched out to the other side, and not being strong enough to keep his balance, fell over, streaming with blood. Toujours le pressant, il s'étira de l'autre côté, et n'étant pas assez fort pour garder son équilibre, tomba, ruisselant de sang.

The elegant, whiskered manservant, who used to be continually complaining to his acquaintances of the delicacy of his nerves, was so panic-stricken on seeing his master lying on the floor, that he left him losing blood while he ran for assistance. L'élégant serviteur à moustaches, qui se plaignait sans cesse à ses connaissances de la délicatesse de ses nerfs, était si paniqué en voyant son maître étendu sur le sol, qu'il le laissa perdre du sang en courant pour demander de l'aide. An hour later Varya, his brother's wife, had arrived, and with the assistance of three doctors, whom she had sent for in all directions, and who all appeared at the same moment, she got the wounded man to bed, and remained to nurse him.