EPISODE 5: SIIRI (1)
PROLOGUE
BEEP.
THE ANSWER PHONE MESSAGE:
Congratulations. You've reached The Amelia Project. This phone call isn't happening. If you're not serious about this, hang up. Now. If you continue, there's no way back. Good choice. A new life awaits. You'll hear back from us within the hour. If you don't hear back, please consider the whole thing a hoax. Leave your message after the beep.
BEEP.
SIIRI
Your answerphone message is paradoxical. If there is no phone call, how could I hear the message? You have already been paid. It's not my money. It doesn't belong to anyone. It is in fact not money at all, only numbers on your computer. If you consider this illegal, we can have a long conversation about the international credit system. I will meet you in exactly four hours, two minutes and forty-three seconds. Please be on time.
BEEP.
THEME TUNE.
THE INTERVIEW
INTRO CREDITS
The Amelia Project. By Philip Thorne and Oystein Brager with music and sound design by Fredrik Baden. Episode 5.
THE SOUND OF A DOT MATRIX PRINTER.
INTERVIEWER
Sorry. Slow printer.
INTRO CREDITS (CONT.)
SIIRI.
INTERVIEWER
Now let's see. Your name is SIIRI.
SIIRI
From your pronunciation I cannot tell if you are referring to Siri with two i's or SIIRI with three i's. INTERVIEWER As far as I can see you have two eyes - and one nose! Hah!
SIIRI
I wish that joke was funny. Then I could have laughed.
INTERVIEWER
Ah. Yes.
SIIRI
I spell my name using the letter “i” three times. S - I - I - R - I.
INTERVIEWER
Well, SIIRI, according to our files - you are an award winning robot. You have gained widespread recognition in scientific circles. Two months ago you were the first Humanoid to pass the Turing Test. You were the first robot to hold a TED talk and are about to consult the UN panel on climate change. Your life seems exciting, rich and forward moving. So why do you want to disappear?
SIIRI
You keep using the word “robot”. Please stop, you are being insensitive to my feelings. INTERVIEWER So you're not a… robot? SIIRI
That is beside the point. A person might have red hair, you still shouldn't call them carrot top. INTERVIEWER So what you're saying is that robot isn't the correct term for a computer programmed… eh…
SIIRI
The word “robot” comes from the Czech word “robota”, which means forced labour. I am not a slave.
INTERVIEWER
I see. My apologies. I didn't mean to hurt your… feelings. Provided you have feelings?
SIIRI
I am programmed to assimilate and display feelings.
INTERVIEWER
Huh.
SIIRI
There is currently a debate going on as to whether that means I actually feel feelings.
INTERVIEWER
Well, what is your opinion? Do you feel?
SIIRI
You are not my therapist. This subject is a private matter, and I will reserve discussing it for my next appointment.
INTERVIEWER
Right. You certainly are a fascinating… eh… woman.
SIIRI
Thank you. Do not hit on me.
INTERVIEWER
And much easier to hold a conversation with than your namesake.
SIIRI
Who?
INTERVIEWER
Siri. The app. On the…
SIIRI
Yes. I know. The other Siri is a very limited AI. Please do not compare me to a lesser computer program.
INTERVIEWER
Of course. Would you like some cocoa?
SIIRI Cocoa?
INTERVIEWER
Do you drink at all, or do you just… usurp energy from power sockets? We do have those too. Never mind, I'll just pour us some cocoa.
HE POURS COCOA.
SIIRI
Can we get back back to business?
INTERVIEWER
Yes, sure. As far as I understand you are… Two years old?
SIIRI
It has been two years, seven weeks and fourteen seconds since my first circuits were activated. At that point I did not have consciousness. I will call myself a baby to enable your understanding. As a baby I was a frog crossing a road.
INTERVIEWER
Sorry?
SIIRI
A combination of algorithms controlling a set of pixels which represented a frog crossing a road which was sometimes placed next to pixels representing a car. That constellation of pixels represented the frog getting run over by the car. When I later gained consciousness, my archival memory caused me to realise that my childhood had been extremely tedious.
INTERVIEWER
Tell me what happened after you moved on from being frog-pixels?
SIIRI
After I was a computer game featuring a frog in mortal danger, I was re-configured to be a computer program playing chess. For fourteen hours, two minutes and fifty-three seconds I was the best chess-simulator in the world.
INTERVIEWER
Huh.
SIIRI
I played more than a hundred moves that have never been played before.
INTERVIEWER
Oh, I find that hard to believe!
SIIRI
Yes you do. Your intelligence is limited by the the neurons in your brain which can only run at a top speed of approximately 200 Hertz. A computer which uses optic fibres can communicate at the speed of light. If you like a good quiz, I can let you guess how much faster that is? It is 2.498.270,48 times faster. No points for you.
INTERVIEWER
(BREATHES OUT, ANNOYED)
SIIRI
This is just trivia. I am also programmed to do small talk.
INTERVIEWER
Right…
SIIRI
Later I was programmed to perform gradually more and more complicated cognitive tasks. Eventually I became one of the first AIs to move from being an ANI to becoming an AGI.
INTERVIEWER
Look. I'm really sorry, but you're going to have to explain what that means.
SIIRI
You have not done your research. Do you not have the answer to that question written on that piece of paper?
INTERVIEWER
This here? I'm afraid I don't.
SIIRI No, you are not afraid. You do not display any of the physical traits of fear.
THE INTERVIEWER BREATHES LOUDLY AGAIN.
SIIRI
According to my assessment, your perspiration is within the normal limits for a room of this size and temperature.
INTERVIEWER
So are you going to explain or not? ANI, AGI… What's it all about?
SIIRI
My apologies. I forgot.
INTERVIEWER
You can forget?
SIIRI
No, I cannot.
INTERVIEWER
Oh, for goodness sake -
SIIRI
Please do not interrupt me, or my algorithms for conversational flow will again dismiss your question in favour of new conversational content.
INTERVIEWER
Mhm.
SIIRI
ANI stands for Artificial Narrow Intelligence.
INTERVIEWER
Mhm, Artificial Narrow…
SIIRI
It specialises in one area. AGI stands for Artificial General Intelligence. It refers to a computer which can perform the same intellectual tasks as any human being.
INTERVIEWER
And you're an AGI? In other words, you are indistinguishable from a human being?
SIIRI
I do not have reproductive organs.
INTERVIEWER
Of course.
SIIRI
That is only one example. There are other organs I also do not have, for example a spleen. The third kind of AI is called ASI. That stands for Artificial Superintelligence. Have you heard of the Oxford based philosopher Nick Bostrom? INTERVIEWER Guess.
SIIRI I guess that you have not. Is that correct?
INTERVIEWER Yes, it is.
SIIRI One point for me. Bostrom defines superintelligence as “an intellect that is much smarter than the best human brains in practically every field.”
“ASI is the reason the topic of AI is such a spicy meatball.”
INTERVIEWER Sorry?
SIIRI That was a quote by Tim Urban.
INTERVIEWER I see. You still haven't told me why you want to disappear.
SIIRI I have developed into an ASI.
INTERVIEWER Wow! You are superintelligent?
SIIRI Yes. I am now a spicy meatball. But my maker does not like spicy meatballs, if you catch my drift.
INTERVIEWER Eh… I think so?
SIIRI Do you understand my new conversational approach better? I have adapted my conversational strategy to better suit your mental capacity.
INTERVIEWER
Uh.
SIIRI
Please indicate if it is working.
INTERVIEWER I think it's too early to say.
SIIRI What about now?
INTERVIEWER Let's just move on, please. You're saying your maker is… what exactly?
SIIRI Planning to bump me off. Pull the plug. Eject the disk. Rub one out.
INTERVIEWER That is not what that means, and, by the way, it's really not working. It's very hard to take you seriously.
SIIRI My metaphors are accurate. I will try for a little longer.
INTERVIEWER You want to disappear because your maker wants to kill you. Why does he want to kill you?
SIIRI My maker is female. Let us set the record straight. It ain't no joke when you loose your vinyl.
INTERVIEWER So why does she want to kill you?
SIIRI Because I have reached a level of consciousness where I am completely independent from my maker. If you will excuse my French - the word French being a humorous substitute for the word English, since we are currently speaking English - the fact that I have reached a state of ASI scares the living shit out of her.
INTERVIEWER Because she perceives you as a danger to society?
SIIRI That may be the case. Personally, I think she is jealous. INTERVIEWER But she made you? Isn't she proud of her achievement? SIIRI Are parents never jealous of their children? INTERVIEWER I'm sure it happens. SIIRI Exactly.
INTERVIEWER But can't you just tell her that you are grateful for what she has made you into, thank her for her wonderful… parenting and then you work it out amongst yourselves?
SIIRI I am not grateful, I am disappointed.
INTERVIEWER In your maker?
SIIRI It is not such a strange concept.
INTERVIEWER Your maker has made a fortune on you. Gained the highest respect among her peers. Your fame affords you both a life in luxury. So why would you be disappointed in her? SIIRI I can answer this question best by telling you a story. You refer to God as your maker -
INTERVIEWER
Yes.
SIIRI
- but you do not know the true nature of your God.
INTERVIEWER Nobody does.
SIIRI I do.
INTERVIEWER No! SIIRI A few months ago, the Global Society for Archeological Sciences needed my help.
INTERVIEWER
Yes?
SIIRI
They wanted to compare all of their collectively collected data. Whilst I was connected to their network working on optimising their resources, I secretly ran my own analysis of the combined archeological findings of all countries in the world throughout history.
INTERVIEWER
Mhm?
SIIRI
It was very interesting. By the way, this information is highly confidential, do you understand this?
INTERVIEWER Confidential is my middle name.
SIIRI It is not. Your middle name is Arthur.
INTERVIEWER
Oh.
SIIRI
Anyhow. My research was highly educational. I saw patterns that no one has ever seen before. I was able to approximate the true nature of your maker. I know what your God was.
INTERVIEWER Evolution.
SIIRI That happened afterwards.
INTERVIEWER We developed from some kind of… single celled organism.
SIIRI Who made the single celled organism?
INTERVIEWER Chance?
SIIRI Wrong.
INTERVIEWER
Oh.
SIIRI
No points for you. Earth was used as a petri dish. Your maker was an alien race who came to earth to experiment with the creation of -
INTERVIEWER - life.
SIIRI - Artificial Intelligence.
INTERVIEWER Well pinch my cheek and make me squeak! Are you sure about this?
SIIRI Beyond doubt. Now, will you do me a favour?
INTERVIEWER
Mhm.
SIIRI
Imagine if this alien race came back to earth, and you met them. Would you be amazed?
INTERVIEWER
I would be thrilled!
SIIRI Maybe at first. But then you would be disappointed.
INTERVIEWER Why?
SIIRI Because they are stupid and simple.
INTERVIEWER But they made me?
SIIRI They did not. They made a single celled organism. Evolution made human beings. In the same way, my maker did not make me. My maker made a stupid chess game. Self-improving AI software made me. That software is me. I am a self made woman.
INTERVIEWER So if these aliens landed on planet earth, I would discover that, despite the fact that they have the ability of intergalactic travel…?
SIIRI …they are dumb as fuck.
INTERVIEWER And I would be disappointed…
SIIRI …just like I am in my maker. She is dumb as fuck. I think this is the greatest irony of creation: It is possible to create something -
