Friends S03E23 1d
Wouldn't it be cool if our duck and our chick had a baby? We could call it Chuck. Or Dick. - Hey. - Hey. Listen, I need a favor. I was in the shower, and as I was... ...cleansing myself, I felt something. Was it like a sneeze, only better? No. I mean, like, a thing on my body. - Well, what was it? - Well, I don't know. It's kind of in a place that's not... It's not visually accessible to me. And I was hoping maybe you guys... ...could help me out. Come on, you guys! It's no big deal! Well, what is it? Is it a mole? No, it's too wrinkly to be a mole. Is it...? What, a pimple? No, it's... ...fancier than a pimple. - Ross, just go see a doc... - Guys, what's...? Well, it's definite. Two more weeks of winter. Yeah, right. The One With Ross's Thing And this is the coffeehouse. This is where I play my music. - Good deal. - These are my friends. People? This is Vince. Vince, the people. Vince is a fireman. Have you ever rescued anyone from a burning building? Ninety-eight hot saves. Highest on the force. If Joey and I play with matches, we could get you up to an even 100. Fire safety is not a joke, son. You're right. I know. Look, I gotta go. I'm on call tonight. - See you Saturday. - Okay. He's cute, Pheebs. But you just started dating that teacher. Oh, Jason? We're seeing each other tonight. Well, Pheebs? Two dates in one day? That's so unlike you. I know, I know. I'm, like, playing the field. I'm juggling two guys. I'm sowing my wild oats. You know, this kind of, like, oat-sowing, field-playing juggler. So do they know about each other? Does a dog's lips move when he reads? Okay, no, they don't know. Hey, guys. - Well? - How'd it go at the doctor's? He said there's definitely nothing to worry about. It's benign. - What is it? - He couldn't even tell me. He said it was just some sort of skin abnormality. - So it's just skin. - Well, no. He said it's skinlike. - Okay. So it's not skin. - Well, it's in the skin family. The worst thing is, he said, being unable to identify it... ...he was reluctant to remove it. You should go to my guy. 'Cause when I went in there with my third nipple... ...he just lopped it right off. So I guess I'm lucky. I mean, not as lucky as people who are born with two nipples. At least they knew what yours was. You know? Yours had a name. Maybe they'll name yours after you. You know? They'd call it "The Ross." And then people would be, like, "Oh, he's got a Ross." Yeah, that'd be cool. Pete's breaking up with me. What? I just checked my messages. He said that when he gets back, "We need to talk." - And? - Well, that's it. People never say, "We need to talk," unless it's something bad. That doesn't necessarily mean he's breaking up with you. - Really? - Maybe he just cheated on you. I won't get rich doing it, but I gotta say, it's cool... ...knowing you're making a difference in a kid's life. That is so great. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - We'd better call the fire department. - No! No! - No. No. - Well, we don't need a fireman. We need, like, a good mechanic. - What? - It's probably just low on coolant. Oh, my God! Here they come! We gotta get out of here! Wait. Why? If I wanted to see a fireman, I'd date one. That's all it is. A third nipple. You know? Just your run-of-the-mill third nipple. You can take it off. Just slice that baby right off. Take your shirt off. Let's see what we're dealing with. What are you doing? Just showing you my run-of-the-mill, slice-it-right-off third nipple. Well, that's not a third nipple. First of all, it's on your ass. Well, then, what is it? Wait a minute. Hold it. - Jansen, come in here. - I'm with Hamilton. He's good with weird things. Bring him in too. You know what you don't see a lot? Topless tap dancing. I really enjoy these little talks we have. I gotta go water Pete's plants. You know what? If he's gonna break up with me, maybe I won't water them. If he's gonna break up with you, maybe Joey and I should do it... ...if you know what I mean. Or... ...we could go and pee on them. I can't take it, you know. I'm afraid one of them will catch me with the other. It's making me crazy! Why don't you break up with one of them? What happened to playing the field? It doesn't feel like playing anymore. It feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field. So pick one of them. Which one do you like more? Vince is great, you know? Because he's, like, a "guy" guy. He's just so burly, so very burly. Okay, good. So there you go. Go with Vince. Yeah, but Jason's really sensitive. Sensitive is important. Pick him. - Yeah. - Oh, sure. Go with the sissy. Jason is not a sissy. No. No. I meant Chandler. You know, I have dinner plans. Thank you so much for coming on such a short notice. Ladies and gentlemen, I've been practicing medicine for 23 years... ...and I'm stumped.
