How to Build Closer Friendships ||Aufbauen|nähere|Freundschaften ||||Arkadaşlıklar Wie man Freundschaften vertieft Cómo estrechar lazos de amistad Comment nouer des liens d'amitié plus étroits Come costruire amicizie più strette より親密な友情の築き方 더 친밀한 우정을 쌓는 방법 Jak budować bliższe przyjaźnie Como criar amizades mais próximas Как построить более тесную дружбу Nasıl Daha Yakın Arkadaşlıklar Kurabilirsiniz? 如何建立更亲密的友谊

- A couple of days ago we went over some tips Vor||||vor ein paar Tagen|wir||||Tipps - Vor ein paar Tagen haben wir einige Tipps besprochen

on how to meet new people and make new friends. ||||||und||neue| wie man neue Leute kennen lernt und neue Freundschaften schließt.

But as everyone knows, friendship is a complex ||||Freundschaft|||komplexe Sache Aber wie jeder weiß, ist Freundschaft eine komplexe Angelegenheit.

and multifaceted concept. |vielseitiges Konzept| |çok yönlü| and multifaceted concept.

There isn't just one level of friendship. ||||Stufe||

You have your casual acquaintances, |||gelegentlichen|Bekannte |||sıradan|tanıdıkların ||||знайомі Sie haben Ihre Zufallsbekanntschaften,

but you also have your best friends. aber du hast auch deine besten Freunde.

Your Tulios and Miguels. |dein Tulios||Miguels Ihre Tulios und Miguels.

Your Leslies and Annes. |Leslies||Annes

Your Rustys and Dannys. |Rustys||Dannys

Your Batmans and. |deine Batmans|

- Batman works alone. Batman (1)|| - Batman arbeitet allein.

- Well, maybe not Batman. - Nun, vielleicht nicht Batman.

But you get the point. Aber Sie verstehen, worum es geht.

Also, just saying here, have you ever seen Batman ||||hast|||| Und, nur mal so am Rande, haben Sie jemals Batman gesehen?

and me in the same room at the same time? und ich im selben Raum zur selben Zeit?

Anyway, I'm sure that you feel just Wie auch immer||||du|| Wie auch immer, ich bin sicher, dass Sie sich genauso fühlen

as strongly as I do that having nothing |stark||||dass|| so sehr wie ich, dass nichts zu haben

but shallow surface level friendships is |oberflächliche|||| |yüzeysel|||| aber oberflächliche Freundschaften sind

no way to go through life. |||||Leben keine Art, durchs Leben zu gehen.

So as a follow up to that video, ||||||dem| Als Nachbereitung dieses Videos,

today I wanna talk about how to actually strengthen |||||||tatsächlich| ||||||||güçlendirmek ||||||||посилити Heute möchte ich darüber sprechen, wie man tatsächlich die

the relationships with the friends that you already have. |Beziehungen||||||| die Beziehungen zu den Freunden, die Sie bereits haben.

How do you make those connections deeper |||||Verbindungen|tiefer

and more meaningful? ||bedeutsamer ||значущим

And since we haven't seen them in |||nicht||| Und da wir sie nicht gesehen haben in

a couple of videos, let's queue those lamas. |||Videos|||| |||||sıralayalım||lama |||||вишикуємо||лама ein paar Videos, stellen wir die Lamas in die Warteschlange.

(bass music) Bass| (Bassmusik)

Now in just a few minutes we're gonna talk about

some actual tactics for strengthening your relationships. |konkrete|Taktiken||Stärkung|| ||taktikler||güçlendirme||

Things that you can actually do.

But before we get into those things ||||diese Dinge||

we have to talk about what is the foundation ||||||||Grundlage

for strong friendships.

And that is time.

As Aristotle once said, "Wishing to be friends ||einmal||Wünschen|||Freunde |Aristoteles|||||| Wie Aristoteles einst sagte: "Der Wunsch, Freunde zu sein

is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit." ||||||||Reifung| ||||||||дозрівання| ist eine schnelle Arbeit, aber Freundschaft ist eine langsam reifende Frucht".

Now this statement might seem obvious ||||scheint| |||може|| Nun mag diese Aussage offensichtlich erscheinen

but there is more than just common wisdom behind it. |||||||Weisheit|| aber es steckt mehr dahinter als nur eine allgemeine Weisheit.

There was actually a study done in Es gab tatsächlich eine Studie, die in

the University of Kansas recently |||Kansas|kürzlich |||Kansas Üniversitesi| die Universität von Kansas kürzlich

that shed some light on just how long |wirft|||||| |açıklamak||||||

it takes to move through the different stages of friendship. ||||||verschiedenen|Stufen||

From the responses they collected, researchers found out ||Antworten||gesammelten|Forscher|herausfanden|

that it takes on average between 40 and 60 hours ||||im Durchschnitt||| dass es im Durchschnitt zwischen 40 und 60 Stunden dauert

of interaction to go from mere acquaintances |||||bloßen| der Interaktion, um von bloßen Bekannten zu werden

to casual friends. ||Freunde an zufällige Freunde.

To have somebody call you one of their actual friends ||jemanden||||||| Wenn man von jemandem als einer seiner wirklichen Freunde bezeichnet wird

it takes between 80 and 100 hours. dauert es zwischen 80 und 100 Stunden.

And again, this is an average figure. ||||eine||Zahl Und auch hier handelt es sich um einen Durchschnittswert.

And over 200 hours before you're considered close friends. |||||betrachtet||

This is the biggest reason why busy college students |||größte||||Hochschul-| Dies ist der Hauptgrund, warum vielbeschäftigte College-Studenten

and adults especially find it so difficult ||||es||schwierig und vor allem Erwachsene finden es so schwierig

to build meaningful relationships with people sinnvolle Beziehungen zu Menschen aufzubauen

who they haven't already known for a long time. |||schon|||||

We're all just so busy, right? ||||beschäftigt| Wir sind alle so beschäftigt, oder?

We've all got packed schedules. Wir haben|||| |||навантажені| Wir haben alle einen vollen Terminkalender.

We're running all over the place Wir rennen durch die Gegend

and this is why we find it so hard

to spend any decent amount of time with any one person. |verbringen||angemessene|eine angemessene Menge||||||einer Person |||приличну||||||| mit einer Person eine vernünftige Zeit zu verbringen.

And when we were kids, it was a very different story. ||||wir Kinder|||||| Und als wir Kinder waren, war das noch ganz anders.

I remember when I was a kid growing up in the neighborhood |||||||aufwachsen|||| Ich weiß noch, wie ich als Kind in der Nachbarschaft aufgewachsen bin

I would go out every single day in the summer |||||jeden einzelnen|||dem|

and I would knock on the doors of all my friends |||klopfen|||Türen||||

in the neighborhood and see if they were available to play. ||||||||verfügbar||

And if they were I would probably end up spending between ||||||wahrscheinlich|||| Und wenn sie es wären, würde ich wahrscheinlich zwischen

six to eight hours every single day with those friends. jeden Tag sechs bis acht Stunden mit diesen Freunden.

And even when I was in high school, Und sogar als ich in der High School war,

if I didn't have sports practice |||||Training

or if I wasn't working, I would be going over |||nicht||||||

to a friend's house almost every single day after school. ||||fast jeden|||||

And over the course of a week, if I'm doing that

and I'm spending four to five hours there, ||||bis||| und ich verbringe dort vier bis fünf Stunden,

well, you do the math. |||die| ||||математику Nun, rechnen Sie selbst.

So before we get into the rest of the tips |||||den|den Rest||| Bevor wir also zu den restlichen Tipps kommen

in this video, keep this in mind.

You have to put in the time. ти||||||

Ask yourself, how closely does ||wie nah|genau| Fragen Sie sich selbst, wie eng die

your daily experience right now match up |täglichen||||| Ihr tägliches Erleben in diesem Moment mit dem

to that story I just told about me in high school? zu der Geschichte, die ich gerade über mich in der High School erzählt habe?

If it's a very different story, if you find |||||Geschichte||| Wenn es eine ganz andere Geschichte ist, wenn Sie finden

that your schedule's super packed with all kinds of stuff ||Zeitplan ist||||allen möglichen||| |||||з|||| dass dein Terminkalender mit allen möglichen Dingen vollgestopft ist

and the only time you're gonna see that one person und das einzige Mal, dass Sie diese eine Person sehen werden.

you wanna be friends with is like next weekend ||||mit|||| mit dem du befreundet sein willst, ist nächstes Wochenende

for a two hour barbecue and then not again until October, ||||Grillparty|||||| für ein zweistündiges Grillfest und dann erst wieder im Oktober,

well you're not gonna become very good friends ||||werden||| Nun, ihr werdet keine sehr guten Freunde werden.

with that person.

So you have to start making time to see these people |||||Zeit schaffen|||||

and you have to do it on a regular basis. ||||||||regelmäßigen|Basis

Now, how exactly do you do that? ||genau||||

Well.

(bass music)

Yes.

Be the organizer, be the leader. ||Organisator||| ||організатор|||лідер

This is my first and I think most important actionable tip ||||||||wichtigste|handlungsorientierte|Tipp |||||||||дійова|

from this video.

You have to be the person that puts things together.

Now you might think that this is unfair. |||||das hier||unfair Nun könnten Sie denken, dass dies ungerecht ist.

You might think that you're building one-way friendships. Sie könnten denken, dass Sie einseitige Freundschaften aufbauen.

Why aren't they reaching out to me? |||sich melden||zu| чому|||||| Warum melden sie sich nicht bei mir?

Why aren't they organizing events? |||veranstalten|

Well, here's the thing.

Everybody is thinking that, right? Alle|||dass| Das denkt doch jeder, oder?

Everyone's like, "Why haven't my friends reached Alle sagen|||haben||| ||||||достигли Alle fragen sich: "Warum haben meine Freunde nicht die

out to me in a long time?" seit langer Zeit nicht mehr gesehen?"

"Why haven't they invited me to go do something cool?" |||eingeladen||||||

"Why haven't they invited me to bungee jump ||||||Bungee springen|

out of a helicopter?" |||Hubschrauber

Will Smith's doing that on Instagram but my friends aren't. |Smiths||||Instagram||||

Well the thing is people, when they get older

they get into their comfort zone. ||||Wohlfühl-|Komfortzone

They get into their routines. ||||Routinen

They have all this kind of stuff going on in their life.

They've got their job, they've got their relationships. sie haben|||||||

All these demands on their time. ||Forderungen||| ||вимоги|||

And a lot of people, in response to ||||||Reaktion darauf|

that crazy schedule, don't reach out. |verrückten|||kontaktiere|

Don't organize. |organisiere

Don't be the person who takes action.

So you have to be that person.

There's a saying that goes around in YouTube

and blogging and "content creations spheres" |und Bloggen||Inhaltserstellung|Inhalten|Bereichen und Blogging und "Sphären der Inhaltserstellung"

that goes like this. die wie folgt lautet.

"Only five percent of people are creators, ||Prozent||||Schöpfer "Nur fünf Prozent der Menschen sind Schöpfer,

the other 95 percent are simply consumers." |||||Verbraucher

And I think that this applies to friendships |||dass||gilt|| Und ich denke, dass dies auch für Freundschaften gilt

and relationships as well. und(1)||| und auch Beziehungen.

Only five percent of people are the organizers. |||||||Organisatoren Nur fünf Prozent der Menschen sind die Organisatoren.

Only five percent of the people are the action takers. |||||||||Handelnden

The people that will put something together.

The other 95%?

Well, they're willing to do things, they'll show up. ||bereit|||||| Nun, wenn sie bereit sind, etwas zu tun, werden sie auch kommen.

But they wanna be told when and where to be. |||||wann|||| Aber sie wollen, dass man ihnen sagt, wann und wo sie sein sollen.

So, if you wanna find more of your hours filled Wenn Sie also mehr von Ihren Stunden gefüllt haben wollen

with meaningful interactions with people ||Interaktionen||

that you'd like to be better friends with |du||||||

then be the person who sends out the invitations. |||||die Einladungen verschickt||| dann die Person sein, die die Einladungen verschickt.

Be the person who organizes things. ||||organisiert| Seien Sie die Person, die die Dinge organisiert.

Let people show up and be okay with being the leader. ||||||||sein|| Lassen Sie die Leute kommen und haben Sie kein Problem damit, der Anführer zu sein.

Additionally, be very deliberate about Zusätzlich|||absichtlich| додатково|||обережним|

the activities you choose. |Aktivitäten||wählen

Yes, the hours you put in is very important.

Is probably the main factor as that study showed. ||||Faktor||||

But what you choose to do with those hours, ||||||mit|| Aber was man mit diesen Stunden macht,

the quality of those hours also matters a lot. die|||||||| Auch die Qualität dieser Stunden ist von großer Bedeutung.

Friendship doesn't happen simply by osmosis. |||||Osmose Freundschaft entsteht nicht einfach durch Osmose.

And there's a big difference between say, having somebody ||eine|||||| Und es ist ein großer Unterschied, ob man jemanden hat oder nicht.

come over just to watch a movie where ||||||Film| kommen nur vorbei, um einen Film zu sehen, in dem

you're both staring at a screen, not talking ||starren||||| Sie beide starren auf einen Bildschirm und reden nicht.

to each other at all, and maybe inviting them |||||||einladend|

to go climb a mountain together where ||eine Berg besteigen||Berg||

you're out in nature and you're talking the entire time. |||Natur|||||die ganze|

(bass music)

All right, something else that I think

is really important to talk about here

is the difference between group interactions

and one-on-one interactions.

Group interactions seem to be the norm. ||||||Norm

And this makes since.

A lot of times when invites are going out |||||Einladungen|||

they're going out to lists of people. |||zu|Listen|| Sie werden an Listen von Personen verschickt.

They're going out to work places. Sie gehen zu den Arbeitsplätzen hinaus.

They're going out to clubs so everyone can show up. ||||Clubs||||| Sie gehen in die Clubs, damit alle kommen können.

And these can be a lot of fun.

A lot of inside jokes come out of them.

There's a lot of shared experiences.

And there's less pressure on you individually

to contribute to the conversation all the time |вносити||||||

since a lot of people are there.

But the problem with group interactions

is that there's really no room for

deep, meaningful conversations with any one person.

Since everyone has to be included,

you kinda have to make sure the activities

you do choose and the topics of conversation

are palatable to all involved.

And as you add more people into the mix, ||||||||суміш

things inevitably become more general and surface level. |неминуче||||||

Like, if I wanna talk about say

the deep lyrical meanings behind

the Mars Volta song "Drunkship of Lanterns"

I can probably do it with you.

And by you I mean you, Ashley.

But, if I wanna talk with every single person watching

this video right now in one big group,

well we probably can't even pick

a Marvel movie to talk about without

a lot of people getting bored.

And actually, aside from that hypothetical example,

I do have a real story about this.

Last year I went to a sushi dinner with probably six

or seven of my friends, including my best friend Martin.

Now in that group of friends was another guy

who I didn't know super well at the time

but who was pretty into linguistics. але|||гарна||лінгвістики

And as any of you who listen to my podcasts know

Martin is also very into linguistics.

And at one point during the dinner

they got into this very deep linguistics conversation.

But it became apparent after about 30 seconds

that everyone else at the table

had absolutely no idea what they were talking about.

And after a while, that conversation became

kind of awkward because everyone else

kinda got quiet and really couldn't contribute.

And I remember talking with Martin afterwards

and hearing him say that he wished he could've

had a longer conversation about linguistics with that guy.

But he said that he felt like he needed to

kind of cut the conversation off because різок||||||

it wasn't relevant to the whole group.

So, in addition to your group interactions

and your ultimate frisbee games

and you 6v6 Overwatch matches, make sure

you're also making time for one-on-one interactions

with specific people.

This is where people are gonna open up about це||||||||

the things they truly care about. |||||про

And we're gonna have conversations about

the passions that you both share.

And unlike with your group interactions

where in my experience the conversation usually consists

of memes and shared inside jokes

and surface level talk, when you hang out

with somebody alone they tend to get more vulnerable.

They tend to open up more.

So, these are the hours that are gonna lead

to closer friendships developing.

(bass music) (bass music)

Now it's important to know that friendship isn't

just about having fun together.

It isn't just about hanging out.

Friendship is about being there for the other person.

So if you wanna build closer friendships

make sure that you are there for that person.

Make sure that you're there to help out.

This applies in both an emotional capacity,

when somebody's hurting be there to support them.

But also in other capacities.

And yes, I'm talking about helping people move.

If one of your friends has some big chore

to do next weekend and you're free that weekend

then why not show up and help them out with that chore?

They're going to be greatly appreciative

and you're actually gonna enjoy the time

even though it's work because you're

with somebody that you like.

And even though this is a video about

building deeper friendships, I do wanna add

one more tip to last week's video about making more friends.

If you're in college and if you're moving into

a dorm or an apartment and you're kinda done

with all of your own stuff, why not offer

to help somebody else who's moving in?

Who's gonna be your neighbor?

If you've got time on your hands, do that

and you're probably gonna make yourself a new friend.

(bass music)

Lastly, even if you don't get to see

your friends in person all that often

don't let a whole lot of time go by without

at least letting them know that you're thinking about them.

And this doesn't actually have to involve a lot of effort.

My friend Martin does this all the time by,

as he puts it, texting his friends nonsense.

And sometimes this literally is nonsense.

I have seen him text one of our friends the word "dogs".

Just the word "dogs" and nothing else.

But it's still a little blip on the radar, right?

It's still you popping up on your friends phone

and letting them know hey, I'm thinking about you.

I care about you enough to text

you the word "dogs", I guess.

I'm not just going about my life and forgetting about you.

And this process is integral to ||процес|||

maintaining your friendships.

If you don't get to see people all the time,

if you don't get to have those face-to-face interactions

every single week, at least keep the fire going.

So when you do get to see people, there isn't

a whole lot of catch up to do.

You can just sort of pick right up where you left off. 중단 한 곳에서 바로 선택할 수 있습니다.

To give you a personal example, my friend Andrew

lives about a thousand miles away from me

now that I moved to Denver.

But even still, he probably texts me

at least once a week just to tell me about

things going on in his business

or things going on back home.

Or just to share a new app that he's discovered with me.

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And as always guys, thank you so much for watching.

If you enjoy this video and you found it informative

and useful maybe give it a like and subscribe right there

if you don't wanna miss new videos

when they come out every single week.

You can also get a free copy of my book

on how to earn better grades right over here.

Follow me on Instagram @tomfrankly

or check out one more video on this channel right over here.

Thanks so much for watching and if you missed

the first video in the series on how

to make new friends, that'll be in

the description down below, so check that out as well.

Otherwise I will see you in the next one.