How I Pissed Off Beyonce's Online Army
- Four years ago I was attacked by Beyonce fans
and this is that story.
(rhythmic music)
Before I start this I want to say something that
I don't think should matter in context of this story,
but it matters to me.
I have been a Beyonce fan
since Destiny's Child. (crowd cheering)
That's before a lot of you were even born.
I love Beyonce, but I wouldn't kill for her.
(bell tolls) Anyways.
This all happened four years ago.
At the time I was the animals editor for Buzzfeed.
Basically what that means is that I was in charge
of all the animals content for the site
and I would also write posts.
Buzzfeed pretty much lets you write whatever you want,
which is really awesome.
So one day, I was finishing up my post,
and I came across this article that said a panda
had faked her own pregnancy so she could get
extra treats and be in air conditioning.
I mean, how amazing is that?
She saw that other pandas who were pregnant
got to have special treatment.
That's like the best long con I have ever heard of.
Honestly, we should just do an entire video on this.
Anyways, I clearly loved this story
and I had already hit my quota for the day
so I decided to write something a little weird.
So the post that I decided to do about it was writing
in the voice of a panda saying that it was
a feminist stance that she was taking because
she should be treated well and her worth
shouldn't be based on if she procreates or not.
I didn't even think that many people were
gonna see this.
I had finished the post,
I hit publish,
and I went on with my day.
Later that I night, I started getting tons
of Twitter notifications.
"Bitch, don't fucking hate on the queen.
"Cunt."
"Slut.
"Absolute slut."
My Twitter handle equals "trash."
Okay, so this one might be my favorite
"You look like one of them cheap 65c Barbies
"at Walmart.
"I hope you catch Ebola you vanilla chimpmunk
"built in the face bitch.
"Kys."
What does kys mean?
- Oh, that's nice.
I had never been attacked by that many people online
all at once and was just genuinely confused.
And then I started to notice that a lot
of the accounts had something in common.
They either were Beyonce fan accounts,
or were hastagging Beygency,
which only made me more confused.
I love Beyonce, and I've never really
written about her online.
I write about animals.
Did they mistake me for someone else?
Did they mistake for someone who would
openly shit on a celebrity?
Did they mistake me for someone that doesn't like Beyonce?
I did something that you're never supposed to do.
I fed the trolls.
It wasn't much.
I just replied to one of the tweets
with a simple question mark,
and all I got back was, "You know what you did."
But I did not know what I did.
Finally, a friendlier member of the Beygency
tweeted my article about the panda at me.
"Oh, so you happened to use Beyonce for this article?"
And then,
I remembered.
I had used a picture of Beyonce in my article
about the panda.
She had just done her amazing MTV performance where
she stood in front of a sign that said, "Feminist."
It was nothing short of iconic.
So naturally, when I was looking for a visual
to describe feminism, I thought of that.
So I slapped a panda head on Beyonce's body
and I called it a day.
But realizing this did not help me figure out
what the problem was.
Luckily another nice fan account tweeted at me,
"Oh, you don't remember the rumors
"about Beyonce faking her own pregnancy two years ago."
(inhaling)
I was being dragged for a two-year-old rumor
about Beyonce.
A rumor I had completely forgotten about because
one, I don't think she did fake her pregnancy.
Two, if she did, none of my business.
Three, there's nothing wrong with getting a surrogate.
Four, why would I use a post about a panda
to really stick it to Beyonce two years later?
So I'm in the thick of it,
and I'm trying to explain that I'm actually a Beyonce fan,
but they just kept piling on.
One person called me a gerbil,
another called me a pumpkinhead.
And one person said Beyonce would end me.
Guys, I don't think Beyonce cares enough about me
to end me, but I appreciate that you think she does.
So this kind of trolling and mean comments
and death threats went on until the morning.
So I get to work and I realize,
"I think I found my way out.
"I have a man on the inside."
So at the time I was sitting next to internet celebrity,
but more importantly, notable Beyonce fan,
Matt Bellassai. (cheerful horns)
So Matt was gracious enough to pull me out of the rubble
and tweet at one of the main fan accounts
that I was, indeed, a Beyonce fan.
Like magic, it stopped.
The hive had stopped their swarm for a day.
Just a side note, that's some real power right there.
And with great powers, comes great responsbeybility.
Can you cut that out?
So the thing that stuck with me about all of this
was that there was so many people willing
to tell a stranger to die, or kill themselves,
over what was ultimately a misunderstanding.
So I looked at some of the people's profiles
because I was curious what else they tweeted about.
The rest of their timeline was just tweeting about
how they were having a normal, nice evening
with their boyfriend.
And listen, I was, at the time, 26.
Been working on the internet for a while
and I have a relatively thick skin about this stuff,
but what if I wasn't?
What if I was 12 or having an exceptionally bad day?
I might not be telling this story as a funny story.
When you're tweeting at me, like, I'm a person.
Overall, I just feel like everyone needs to chill.
Maybe put on some Beyonce.
(rhythmic music)
