EPISODE 8: WHAT IS THIS YOU FEEL (3)
[[SFX: Transition.]]
SCENE 3
[[SFX: Cavatica, Glasshouse]]
X: Day 10,319, Hour 06:15. [[Pleasantly surprised.]] Okay. Maybe we are going to be okay. I went back to seal up the airlock door so we don't lose all of our atmo to the vacuum, but a new coat of those crystal things had grown up over it, so… it was already taken care of…?
I scraped off a sample of the crystals for analysis, which I'll perform after I get a bit of sleep and return to my full cognitive functionality.
Otherwise… We're back in the glasshouse now. And currently, “we” consists of me and Chen and Kai. [[Refrains from commenting on others.]]
Status-wise, I re-bandaged Chen's field dressings and dosed him with some antibiotics to fight off infection. He's currently asleep on the gurney, which I stationed near the waterfall -- you know, back where all the orchids are. [[Sounds pleased with herself.]] So that he could have some privacy and a pretty view when he wakes up.
The acid from the drones melted some new holes in his stupid useless plastic armor, but… I don't know… I don't want to speak too soon, but I think he's going to be okay.
… Um. And I should note that by “okay”, I mean “not dead”. Best case scenario, we'll need to rig up a brace or something to compensate for all of his missing bone and muscle tissue, uhh, maybe do some skin grafts.
Worst case… he'll probably need to learn how to walk again, regain balance with how it all fits together.
[[Clearly uncomfortable.]] Um. I ended up… um. Having to remove several large pieces of his armor and cut away parts of his shirt and leg wrappings to properly clean and treat his wounds. [[Rushed]] I mean, it went well and everything, but it was… weird.
[[Reflective.]] It wasn't the blood -- I mean, I get hurt in the name of Science all the time, and I'm used to patching myself up. And I used to do surgical stuff for my parents whenever the need arose --
[[Ruefully.]] Mom was never as careful as she should've been in the engine pod, and always needed stitches and burn treatments.
And then there was the whole thing with Dad's arm…
[[Pause]] But this was… [[Searches for the right word, fails.]] Different. I don't even know how to really talk about it. Touching another person's skin felt weird and intrusive and just… super uncomfortable. Like… I was way overstepping my bounds, even though I was helping him.
I got it over with as quickly as I could.
Anyway… [[Takes a deep breath, returns to normal self.]] I patched myself up after that. Those little drones did more damage than I initially thought -- they got me pretty good several times across my back and shoulders, and the acid from that first hit burned through a substantial portion of my upper arm. [[Grimaces]] There might be some skin grafts in my future, too.
It hurts, but… weirdly I'm kind of more annoyed than anything else? I realize this is an illogical and inappropriate response to everything, but… I'm tired and stressed and those little jerks ruined my favorite shirt!
It was already worn pretty thin already -- Dad wore it pretty much every day, and then I proceeded to do exactly the same thing after he died. I was wearing that shirt the day Caldwell Enterprises boarded the Cavatica. I was wearing it when they captured me, and when I broke into my parents' pod to grab that datapad.
Heh. It's pretty much the only thing that doesn't say “Property of Caldwell Enterprises” on it somewhere. It's just a plain black T-shirt with a triangular prism on it and a rainbow radiating out.
I sort of draped the remaining shreds of it over the placard by the maple tree -- the one labeled Honorem Lutum Sanguine. It felt like the right thing to do.
Anyway, I went through my parents' remaining supplies for a new shirt, which I'm wearing now. Just a plain white tank that should allow my wounds to heal quickly and cleanly, so… [[Sarcastic, depressed.]] Yay.
[[Pauses.]] I don't know. Maybe I should be more grateful that we're not worse off, all things considered? But… I'm not. I'm just… I'm tired.
And I don't even necessarily mean, like, lack-of-sleep tired. Well, I mean, I'm that too, but this is… deeper. Like, my heart is sad or exhausted or hurt or just plain weary… which… now that I say it out loud, I realize it sounds super melodramatic.
[[SFX: Cavatica falling apart.]]
But maybe that's okay, since it's true to what I feel, and no one is ever going to listen to these recordings because you're dead, and the Cavatica's steadily falling apart, and no one else is ever going to take this recorder from me again, at least not until they pry it from the grip of my cold, dead hands, at which point I figure literary criticism will be relatively low on my list of concerns.
[[Deep breath, then, abruptly:]] I can't get Kai to wake up.
Or… reboot, or regain functionality, or whatever it means for Kai to return to a fully conscious, Kai-like state.
I know that Chen said we'd figure it out together, but… I got impatient. And now it just feels like another situation I have no idea how to navigate.
Earlier, after Chen fell asleep, I started taking apart a panel on the back of Kai's neck. But… just like with Chen, it felt weirdly invasive?
So I stopped. I left Kai propped up against one of the lab tables… just leaning there like a mannequin, lifeless and staring…
[[SFX: X's bare footsteps.]]
[[Vaguely stressed, bordering on unhinged.]] And all I can do is stare back, and think about is whether Kai is in there right now, a raw mass of nerves and tissue, awake and terrified, silently screaming in absolute darkness, unable to communicate or even process incoming information… completely alone.
[[Pause.]]
Or maybe completely dead.
[[SFX: X shifts, walks a few more steps.]]
Um. Charlotte's here, too -- or at least, her chassis is -- right where she shorted out after telling me that “the children are the key” in my mother's voice. I don't know how to bring her back online, either -- except with her, I'm a little less clueless since at this point I think her power source is tied to -- or simply is -- my mother's body. Which is locked up in one of the labs back on the Enforcer One. I may or may not get the opportunity to retrieve it. I don't know.
There are so many unknowns, and so many ways this could play out. I tried mapping them out and realized that, even with fractals, charting the infinite is a pretty futile gesture.
Or maybe there's only one way this will play out. Maybe we're following a paved road toward inevitability. Maybe this mutiny -- and my constant fight -- is just as futile. Maybe it makes more sense to conserve my energy and just…
[[SFX: Cavatica falling apart.]]
[[Loses temper, shouts at ship, away from recorder.]] Yeah, I know you're falling apart! I get it -- everything is terrible, time is limited, we're all doomed, whatever!
But believe it or not, you're not my number-one priority right now! That honor belongs to the stupid human beings who are dead and/or dying in my care! So once they're out of danger, then I will get back to repairing you in the hopes of coaxing a few more livable days out of your miserable hull!
[[SFX: Cavatica falling apart.]]
[[Exasperated sigh, regains control of her temper. Into recorder:]] Uh. Sorry. I don't usually lose my temper like that. I just… I can't handle everything falling apart all at once. I can't do everything.
[[Momentary quiet.]]
Heh. It's kind of funny. Mom always hammered it into my head growing up -- that I could do anything if I put my mind to it. Clone mice, calibrate the station's engine, write music, harvest and roast coffee beans, French-braid my own hair. [[Dryly.]] Weld the Cavatica back together. Maybe all at once.
I'm starting to think she got anything confused with everything.
[[SFX: Sits heavily on cot.]]
Okay. Here's the plan. I'm going to lie down and try to catch as much sleep as I can before the next inevitable emergency. Then… well. Let's just leave the plan there for now. More later when my brain is rested.
[[SFX: X lies down.]]
X: [[Looks toward the main glasshouse window sheet, smiles faintly.]] Hey, Ra. You're looking a lot better, at least.
[[SFX: Deep sound.]]
X: Heh. [[Grins, reaches out to touch the tempered crystal.]] Yeah. I'm glad I'm back, too.
[[SFX: Stinger]]
[[SFX: OUTRO MUSIC]]
-Fin-
