EPISODE 8: WHAT IS THIS YOU FEEL (1)
INTRO
X: So… I'm curious.
How do we know when an “A.I.” loses the “A” and just become “I”?
It's Girl In Space.
[[SFX: INTRO MUSIC, 1:10]]
PROLOGUE
[[SFX: Tape recorder click.]]
X, played back over a tape recorder: Oh man. So… I'm sitting here, roasting a new batch of coffee beans, looking out at Ra and enjoying his warmth, and my mind started wandering, and… [[exhales]] out of nowhere, I found myself thinking about my mother.
I don't know why this keeps happening. I don't want to think about her. In fact, I'd actively prefer not to.
[[Considers]] Maybe it's the smell of the coffee? She was even more of a caffeine addict than I am, though she was so absent-minded she always burned the beans, or brewed the grounds too long.
Maybe it's the thought of all these little beans in their incubator, destined for grinding, brewing, and -- finally -- composting.
Anyway. My stomach's all twisted up and my heart rate's all jumpy, so I thought maybe I should talk it out real quick. It helps.
[[Deep breath]] So I was thinking about when I was little, back when Ra was still super-tiny and we were trying to figure out how to keep him stable.
You sent me to the cryotanks for a new embryo, and I remember opening the drawer and hearing the swift hiss of pressurized hydraulics, the sparkling clink of the little glass vials.
I hated those sounds -- but I think that was because I associated them with seeing all of those embryos, shelved together like a weird little library of genetics. A repeating Dewey decimal -- the other little me's in there.
Or what was left of them.
Left of us?
I don't know… it's hard to describe. I hated seeing myself in them, if that makes sense? Knowing that at one point I had been one of them, my little undeveloped brain and body frozen, unmoving, unthinking, unfeeling.
I had been the exact same thing. Down to the chromosome.
Well, maybe not exact-exactly. There were biologically male and biologically female specimens.
But staring at them, feeling a… a one-ness with each and every one of them… I hated it.
I hated thinking that I had a chance and they didn't. That I had been chosen to live and develop, and that they hadn't.
Even more than that, I hated that I felt relieved. That I felt lucky. That I felt superior, somehow. And knew it was completely and utterly undeserved.
I hated all of that.
But I didn't hate her. Not then.
I remember staring into that drawer, simultaneously realizing and yet disbelieving that once I had rested there, amidst my tiny siblings. I had been that small, that cold. That unaware.
I had no idea why my mother had selected me out of the lot. But maybe it didn't matter. Maybe there was no “me”. Maybe we were all me. Maybe we all still are.
I chose specimen “S” at random -- or maybe it was serendipity, or fate, or any number of those weird mystical forces I don't believe in.
I could feel a hint of the vial's iciness as I lifted it out -- a distinctly bitter and empty ache, even through the special gloves that were way too big for my hands as a child -- and carried it to my mother.
She took the vial without comment, and I set the gloves in their place, and then I summoned up all of my courage in one breath and asked:
“Why did you choose me?”
[[Pause, uncertain breathing]]
[[SFX: Soft beeping]]
X: [[Startled]] Oh. Shoot. I've burned the coffee. Just a sec --
[[SFX: Tape recorder click.]]
SCENE 1
[[SFX: Enforcer One, Infirmary]]
Chance: [[Shaking, nervous]] Sorry, guys.
Kai: Wait --
[[SFX: Gun fires; Sound of a heavy body falls to the ground.]]
X: Kai!
Dani: [[Simultaneously]] Kai!
[[SFX: Gun charging]]
X: Chance, wait -- !
Chance: Don't worry. It's set for stun.
[[SFX: Thump as X dives back into the infirmary. Her back smacks against a metal bulkhead. The gas continues to hiss into the infirmary.]]
X: [[Still wearing oxygen mask]] Ooof.
[[SFX: Gun fires. Debris crumbles.]]
Chance: [[Exasperated; voice is farther away.]] You can't hide in there forever, X.
X: [[Taking cover behind debris, still wearing oxygen mask.]] Yeah, well, good thing I don't plan to! Though even you'd have to admit, it's a pretty good short-term strategy. You want me, you come in here and get me.
Chance: Uh… with the air full of carbon monoxide? Nice try.
Dani: [[Hisses, almost to self.]] Carbon monoxide? !
[[SFX: Brief pause, then Dani's footsteps move out toward Chance.]]
Dani: [[Still wearing oxygen mask.]] Um, yay…! Thank you for rescuing me!
Chance: [[Proudly]] I'm here to help, ma'am. Are you OK?
Dani: Yes! Though… speaking of carbon monoxide, I'm a little worried that Dr. Keane and Dr. Nakamura might not be. Could you please have the folks in charge start venting out the infirmary?
Chance: Oh yeah, good call.
[[SFX: Brief static of comms.]]
Chance: Officer Chance here. Can we put a kibosh on the deadly gas and start venting out the infirmary?
Council Member 1: [[Distorted over comm.]] Are you having difficulty subduing the traitors, Officer Chance?
Chance: No, sir. Ex-officers Chen and Kai are down for the count, and the specimen X is cornered. I've also secured the safe return of the hostage, who is concerned about the health of two Caldwell Enterprises employees inside of the infirmary.
Dani: [[Mutters grimly, still wearing oxygen mask.]] If they're not dead already.
Council Member 1: [[Sighs, irritated; distorted over comm.]] I suppose.
[[SFX: Brief static of comms.]]
[[SFX: The hiss of the gas stops, accompanied by a metallic thunk.]]
[[SFX: Quieter venting sounds commence, fading out over time.]]
X: Thanks, Chance. I like Dr. Keane. And I'd probably like Dr. Nakamura, too.
Dani: That's debatable. We're talking major halitosis.
X: [[Continues]] ...Not that me liking them makes them worth saving...
Chance: [[Firmly]] Everyone is worth saving. That's why the work Caldwell Enterprises is doing is so important, X. I don't get why you don't see that.
X: [[Exasperated]] Chance, Caldwell Enterprises isn't trying to save me. In fact, they are actively trying to kill me right now!
Chance: [[Offended]] Hey, I told you I'm set for stun.
X: I don't care! I don't want to be stunned! I don't want to go back to being locked up, or strapped to a gurney, or even made to run radiation tests with a gun pointed at my back.
Chance: [[Reasonably]] Well, we can't always get what we want. And sometimes we need to sacrifice what we want for the greater good.
X: Ugh, what does that even mean? !
[[SFX: Brief static of comms]]
Council Member 1: [[Distorted over comm]] Status update, Officer Chance?
Chance: Uhh... gas seems to be vented. Stand by, sir.
[[SFX: Brief static of comms]]
[[SFX: X removes her oxygen mask. Dani does the same.]]
Chance: X, why don't you come out and we'll finish our conversation face-to-face?
X: Oh, hmm, does “finishing our conversation” entail you stunning me and dragging me away to be imprisoned and “court-martialed” or whatever? Because no thanks. In fact, I've got a counter-offer. How about I come out and you join the mutiny and we go back to being friends like none of this ever happened?
Chance: [[Disgusted]] You're being selfish.
X: [[At breaking point]] You know what? Maybe I am. Maybe I've devoted my entire life to serving the Cavatica and my parents and Ra, and maybe right now I want something that's different from what you and Caldwell Enterprises want. And maybe that's okay! I mean, why does what Caldwell Enterprises wants supercede what I want? Doesn't that mean that we're both being selfish?
Chance: [[Frustrated]] Caldwell Enterprises owns you, X. Just accept that and get out here.
X: [[Exasperated]] I never gave them permission to own me!
Chance: [[Shouts]] They don't need permission to own you! They just do!
X: [[Pause, breathing]] Okay, so really, what you're saying is, everyone is worth saving -- except whoever's in the way when it suits whatever mysterious “greater good” Caldwell Enterprises happens to want?
Chance: [[Angrily]] Humanity is worth saving, X!
X: [[Yells]] I'm human!
Chance: [[Sighs, exasperated]] What do you want me to say, X? They own me, too! They own the Cavatica and Kai and Thor and Chen. They own everything.
Dani: [[Pipes up]] They don't own me.
[[SFX: Brief static of comms]]
Council Member 1: [[Distorted over comm]] Officer Chance, I'm sending my personal assistant to help you. He dispatched Chen earlier and will be able to assist you in the collection of bodies and the subdual of any additional mutineers.
[[SFX: Brief static of comms]]
X: [[While CM1 is talking, deep breath, then quietly into recorder:]] Welp. Now or never.
[[SFX: X grabs an IV stand and exits the infirmary at a run; she is still barefoot.]]
[[SFX: Sound of a body getting whacked with a metal pole (the IV stand).]]
Chance: [[More surprised/offended than injured]] Ow!
Council Member 1: [[Alarmed]] -- what was that?
Chance: [[Exasperated, ignores CM1]] Hey! X, get back here!
[[SFX: Gun charging]]
Chance: [[Calls out to X]] There's nowhere for you to --
[[SFX: Gun fires. Chance crashes to the floor. X stops running.]]
X: [[Turns, panting.]] Oh my gosh. Dani! Thank you.
Dani: [[From a distance; frowns.]] I really hope it was set for stun.
X: It… probably was?
[[SFX: X heads back to join Dani.]]
X: Also, where'd you get a gun?
Dani: I grabbed it from Kai's belt while you and Chance were arguing. I thought it might be a little more effective than hitting him with an IV stand.
X: Smart. [[Surveys the scene.]] Hmm. Want to help me pile Kai on top of Chen's gurney? I'll take them both back to the Cavatica and see what I can do to patch them up.
Dani: Okay. On three. One… two… three! [[Lifts heavy body with effort]] Ugh!
X: [[Lifts heavy body with effort]] Oof!
[[SFX: They pile Kai onto the gurney]]
Dani: [[Surveys Chance's unmoving form]] Do you want Chance, too?
X: I don't know. [[Makes up her mind, though is not happy with the result.]] No. I think he's exactly where he wants to be.
[[SFX: Brief static of comms]]
Council Member 1: [[Distorted over comm, in background]] Officer Chance?
X: All right. I'm heading back to the Cavatica. If anyone asks, I was the one who stunned Chance. Not you. You're just an innocent hostage trying to get away from me because I'm all evil or whatever. Okay?
Dani: [[Nervously]] Yeah. Okay.
Council Member 1: [[Distorted over comm]] Officer Chance, do you copy?
X: Good. Unless... you want to come with me?
Dani: [[Shakes her head “no”.]] I worked way too hard to get this grant.
X: Fair enough. [[Looks around]] Uh. How… do I get back to the Cavatica?
Dani: That way, then take a right, then hit “zero” in the elevator.
X: Zero. Strangely appropriate. Thanks. [[Wheels gurney down the hall]]
Council Member 1: [[Distorted over comm]] Officer Chance? Respond immediately!
X: [[Pauses, turns]] Oh. And Dani… if you ever do want to join us on the Cavatica… I'd love to work with you.
Dani: [[Smiles]] Thanks.
Council Member 1: [[Distorted over comm]] Officer Chance! Report!
[[SFX: Dani picks up Chance's comm]]
Dani: [[Innocently, voice fades away]] Uhh, hi… this is Intern Weiss. The specimen stunned Officer Chance and got away. Can I do anything to help you in the meantime?
X: [[Murmurs]] Clever girl.
[[SFX: Takes off down the hall, wheeling the gurney and IV stand]]
[[SFX: Transition]]
SCENE 2
[[SFX: Enforcer One]]
X: Okay… just got off of the elevator, and am heading toward the bay area to the remote connector. Should be just around the…
[[SFX: Gurney squeaks, halts]]
X: Jeez. Okay. That's a lot farther than I thought. But I can see Thor from here. At least, I think it's Thor. I don't know. Everyone kind of looks alike in those gray suits. Worst comes to worst, I'll bull rush ‘em with the momentum from the gurney. Approaching now -- wish me luck, Dad.
