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Vlog Brothers 1., 07. 17 Rants in 4 Minutes

07. 17 Rants in 4 Minutes

Good morning John. We like to have a pretty positive attitude here at Vlogbrothers, but once a year, once a year I like to get furious. For not really great reasons, but today is that day this year. John, today, I'm going to have seventeen rants in four minutes. This. Whatever - I recognize that it is food; I don't mind putting it on a sandwich every once in a while, but Kraft?Do not call this cheese! That is not the texture, the smell, the taste, or consistency of cheese! Calling it American cheese is an insult to both my country and my second-favorite kind of food! Speaking of food, 90% fat free does not mean that it is any percent fat free! It means it's 10% fat! It should just say that: "Ten percent fat". Dear people who complain about the "chemicals" that they're exposed to. EVERYTHING IS CHEMICALS! Water, your body, omega-3 fatty acids, raspberries.

Chemicals. Continuing on this theme, stop saying "all-natural" when you mean "healthy", because there's lots of all-natural things that... Like, I don't sit down and, like, eat a tub of lard while marathoning Firefly! But that would be "all-natural"! What the crap is up with this kind of toilet paper? Like I want to know who the diabolical turd-face was who decided to promote the discomfort of all mankind with this harsh, non-perforated, flimsy... terribleness!

Speaking of public restrooms, if you pee on the seat, any amount, CLEAN IT UP YOU TERRIBLE PERSON. IT'S YOUR PEE! And someone is going to have to clean it up, but if it's not you, they will be cleaning up someone else's pee! People who think that not knowing every bit of a fandom's trivia makes you not a fan, well, oh. I guess you were just born with a deep and intense knowledge of the backstory of Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

Were you not, at one time, an excited novice just like the person you are currently insulting?! Do you really need to ruin that for them?! Oh, okay, I see you were turning! Oh, if only there had been some way for you to signal your intent to do that!

Stop correcting people for saying "GIF" (jif) or "GIF" (gif) wrong, they are both correct pronunciations. By telling someone they are doing it wrong, you are the only person who is wrong!

Freaking ketchup, there's so much ketchup at the bottom. And I know what you're saying – you're saying, "Hank, why don't you just get the squeezable kind?" Yeah, that's perfect if I want to spray some pink ketchup piss all over my fries! [Tries to sneeze] COME ON!! Manufactures of chair wheels everywhere. I should have got this ready before. I've got the chair on my lap. Freaking knots! Freaking... why are they always in knots?! Can you please make it so that this doesn't fit in this? Because this... IS THE WORST THING!!! AHHHHHH!! If you're still using "gay" as an insult, it's not just really insulting to gay people, it also makes you sound really immature and kind of stupid. So stop!

And finally, to all the people who are going to complain about me complaining in this video, because we all have it so good! Yes. I recognize that I am a wealthy person, in the wealthiest country, at the wealthiest moment so far in human history!

But nonetheless, somehow, it still hurts when I stub my toe, and I'm still annoyed when the freaking checkout thing asks me for the tenth time if I have scanned my club card! [Machine]: Have you scanned your club card? No. I haven't scanned my club card. You know how I know? Because you're still asking me, you passive aggressive robot sack of ketchup pee. GAH!

Final note at the end of this video. A lot of people have told me that it's good to get out your anger every once in a while, but I've read research that in fact, the angrier you are, the more angry you become. So this, actually, is a bad idea.

Don't do the thing I just did, because now my heart rate's all up, and I just want to enrage about everything. [Panting] I'll see you on Tuesday, John!

07. 17 Rants in 4 Minutes Rants|| الشتائم||دقائق 07. 17 Tiraden in 4 Minuten 07. 17 desvaríos en 4 minutos 07. 17 coups de gueule en 4 minutes 07. 4分でわかる17の暴言 07. 4분 안에 17번의 폭언 07. 17 paskalų per 4 minutes 07. 17 Rants in 4 Minutes 07. 17 разглагольствований за 4 минуты 07. 4 Dakikada 17 Rant 07. 17 Просторікування за 4 хвилини 07. 4 分钟内 17 次咆哮 07. 4 分鐘內 17 次咆哮

Good morning John. We like to have a pretty positive attitude here at Vlogbrothers, but once a year, once a year I like to get furious. ||||||||||Vlogbrothers|||||||||||| |||||schöne||Einstellung|||||||||||||||wütend |||||||attitude|||||||||||||||furious Wir haben hier bei Vlogbrothers eine ziemlich positive Einstellung, aber einmal im Jahr, einmal im Jahr werde ich gerne wütend. 我们在Vlogbrothers这里喜欢保持积极的态度，但每年一次，我喜欢大发雷霆。 For not really great reasons, but today is that day this year. Aus nicht wirklich guten Gründen, aber heute ist dieser Tag in diesem Jahr. 原因并不是很好，但今天就是这一天。 John, today, I'm going to have seventeen rants in four minutes. |||||||抱怨||| |||||||crises||| |||||||Wutausbrüche||| |||||||quejas||| John, heute werde ich siebzehn Tiraden in vier Minuten loslassen. 约翰，今天我要在四分钟内发表十七次愤怒的言论。 This. Whatever - I recognize that it is food; I don't mind putting it on a sandwich every once in a while, but Kraft?Do not call this cheese! |||||||||||||||||||||卡夫||||| |||||||||||||||||||||Kraft|||||Käse |||||||||||||||every||||||||||| Wie auch immer - ich erkenne an, dass es sich um ein Lebensmittel handelt; es macht mir nichts aus, es hin und wieder auf ein Sandwich zu legen, aber Kraft... Nennen Sie das nicht Käse! 无论如何 - 我承认这是一种食物；我偶尔不介意把它放在三明治上，但卡夫？别称它为奶酪！ That is not the texture, the smell, the taste, or consistency of cheese! ||||Textur||||||Konsistenz|| Das ist nicht die Textur, der Geruch, der Geschmack oder die Konsistenz von Käse! 这不是奶酪的质地、气味、味道或一致性！ Calling it American cheese is an insult to both my country and my second-favorite kind of food! Es als amerikanischen Käse zu bezeichnen, ist eine Beleidigung für mein Land und meine zweitliebste Speise! 把它称为美国奶酪是对我国家和我第二喜欢的食物的一种侮辱！ Speaking of food, 90% fat free does not mean that it is any percent fat free! Apropos Lebensmittel: 90 % fettfrei bedeutet nicht, dass sie auch nur ein Prozent fettfrei sind! 说到食物，90% 脂肪自由并不意味着它没有任何脂肪！ It means it's 10% fat! Es bedeutet, dass es 10% Fett enthält! 这意味着它含有 10% 的脂肪！ It should just say that: "Ten percent fat". ||||||porciento| Es sollte nur heißen: "Zehn Prozent Fett". 它应该直接写成："十个百分点脂肪"。 Dear people who complain about the "chemicals" that they're exposed to. |||sich beschweren||||||ausgesetzt| Liebe Leute, die sich über die "Chemikalien" beschweren, denen sie ausgesetzt sind. 亲爱的抱怨自己接触到的"化学物质"的人们。 EVERYTHING IS CHEMICALS! ALLES IST CHEMIE! 一切都是化学物质！ Water, your body, omega-3 fatty acids, raspberries. |||Omega-1|fette|Fettsäuren|Himbeeren Wasser, Ihr Körper, Omega-3-Fettsäuren, Himbeeren. 水、你的身体、omega-3脂肪酸、树莓。

Chemicals. Continuing on this theme, stop saying "all-natural" when you mean "healthy", because there's lots of all-natural things that... Like, I don't sit down and, like, eat a tub of lard while marathoning Firefly! |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||看《萤火虫》| weiterführend|||||||||||||||||||||||||||esse||Eimer||Schweineschmalz||Marathonsehen|Firefly schauen इस विषय पर जारी रखते हुए|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||Firefly Um bei diesem Thema zu bleiben: Hören Sie auf, "natürlich" zu sagen, wenn Sie "gesund" meinen, denn es gibt viele natürliche Dinge, die... Ich setze mich zum Beispiel nicht hin und esse eine Wanne voll Schmalz, während ich einen Marathon von Firefly schaue! Continuing on this theme, stop saying "all-natural" when you mean "healthy", because there's lots of all-natural things that... Like, I don't sit down and, like, eat a tub of lard while marathoning Firefly! 继续这个主题，别再说 "全天然" 当你想表达 "健康"，因为有很多全天然的东西... 比如，我可不会一边看《萤火虫》，一边坐下吃一桶猪油！ But that would be "all-natural"! Aber das wäre ja "ganz natürlich"! 但那就算是 "全天然"！ What the crap is up with this kind of toilet paper? ||鬼扯|||||||| ||Was zum Teufel|||||||| ||mierda|||||||| Was zum Teufel ist mit diesem Toilettenpapier los? 这种卫生纸怎么回事？ Like I want to know who the diabolical turd-face was who decided to promote the discomfort of all mankind with this harsh, non-perforated, flimsy... terribleness! |||||||||||||||||||||||||fragilité| |||||||diabolische|Scheißkerl||||||fördern||Unbehagen|||Menschheit|||harte||perforierte|dürftig|Schrecklichkeit Ich möchte gerne wissen, wer das teuflische Scheißgesicht war, das beschlossen hat, das Unbehagen der gesamten Menschheit mit dieser harten, nicht perforierten, fadenscheinigen... Schrecklichkeit zu fördern! 我想知道是谁这个恶毒的混蛋，决定用这种坚硬、不透气、脆弱的……糟糕东西来给全人类带来不适！

Speaking of public restrooms, if you pee on the seat, any amount, CLEAN IT UP YOU TERRIBLE PERSON. |||Toiletten|||pinkeln|||||Betrag|||||| Apropos öffentliche Toiletten: Wenn Sie auf den Sitz pinkeln, egal wie viel, machen Sie es sauber, Sie furchtbare Person. 说到公共厕所，如果你在座位上尿了，哪怕一点点，给我把它清理干净，你这个可怕的人。 IT'S YOUR PEE! ES IST IHR PEE! 这是你的尿！ And someone is going to have to clean it up, but if it's not you, they will be cleaning up someone else's pee! People who think that not knowing every bit of a fandom's trivia makes you not a fan, well, oh. ||||||||||de la fandom|trivia||||||| ||||||||||des Fandoms|Wissen||||||| Menschen, die denken, dass es einen nicht zu einem Fan macht, wenn man nicht jede Kleinigkeit über das Wissen eines Fandoms kennt, na ja. I guess you were just born with a deep and intense knowledge of the backstory of Buffy the Vampire Slayer! ||||||||||||||histoire||||| ||||||||||||||||Buffy||Vampir|Slayer Ich schätze, du bist einfach mit einem tiefen und intensiven Wissen über die Hintergrundgeschichte von Buffy the Vampire Slayer geboren worden!

Were you not, at one time, an excited novice just like the person you are currently insulting?! ||||||||Novize|||||||| |||||time||excited|novice||||||||insulting Warst du nicht einmal ein aufgeregter Anfänger, genau wie die Person, die du gerade beleidigst?! Do you really need to ruin that for them?! |||||ruinieren||| |||need||ruin||| Musst du das wirklich für sie ruinieren?! Oh, okay, I see you were turning! ||||||tournais |okay|||||turning Oh, okay, ich sehe, dass du abbiegen wolltest! Oh, if only there had been some way for you to signal your intent to do that! |||||||||||||Absicht||| ||only|||||||||||||| Oh, wenn es doch nur eine Möglichkeit gegeben hätte, dir zu zeigen, dass du das vorhattest!

Stop correcting people for saying "GIF" (jif) or "GIF" (gif) wrong, they are both correct pronunciations. |||||GIF|jif||GIF|gif|||||| ||||||jif||||||||| Hör auf, Leute zu korrigieren, wenn sie "GIF" (jif) oder "GIF" (gif) falsch aussprechen, beide Aussprachen sind korrekt. By telling someone they are doing it wrong, you are the only person who is wrong! |telling||||||incorrect|||||||| Wenn du jemandem sagst, dass er es falsch macht, bist du die einzige Person, die falsch ist!

Freaking ketchup, there's so much ketchup at the bottom. putain de|||||||| Verdammter|||||Ketchup||| Verdammter Ketchup, da ist so viel Ketchup am Boden. And I know what you're saying – you're saying, "Hank, why don't you just get the squeezable kind?" ||||||||Hank|||||||quetschbare| Und ich weiß, was du sagst – du sagst: "Hank, warum holst du dir nicht einfach die quetschbare Art?" Yeah, that's perfect if I want to spray some pink ketchup piss all over my fries! |||||||sprühen||||Pisse|||| |||||||||pink|||||| Ja, das ist perfekt, wenn ich rosa Ketchup-Pisse über meine Pommes sprühen will! [Tries to sneeze] COME ON!! ||niesen|| [Versucht zu niesen] KOMMT SCHON!! Manufactures of chair wheels everywhere. Hersteller|||räder| Überall werden Stuhlrollen hergestellt. I should have got this ready before. Ich hätte das vorher fertig haben sollen. I've got the chair on my lap. ||||||Schoß Ich habe den Stuhl auf meinem Schoß. Freaking knots! |Knoten Freaking... why are they always in knots?! Verdammtes... warum sind sie immer so verknallt?! Can you please make it so that this doesn't fit in this? Kannst du bitte dafür sorgen, dass das hier nicht hier reinpasst? Because this... IS THE WORST THING!!! Weil das hier... DAS SCHLIMMSTE IST!!! AHHHHHH!! AHHHHHH If you're still using "gay" as an insult, it's not just really insulting to gay people, it also makes you sound really immature and kind of stupid. ||||schwul||||||||||schwule||||||||reif|||| Wenn du "schwul" immer noch als Beleidigung verwendest, ist das nicht nur wirklich beleidigend für schwule Leute, es lässt dich auch echt unreif und irgendwie dumm erscheinen. So stop! Hör also auf damit!

And finally, to all the people who are going to complain about me complaining in this video, because we all have it so good! Und schließlich an alle Leute, die sich darüber beschweren werden, dass ich mich in diesem Video beschwere, weil wir es alle so gut haben! Yes. I recognize that I am a wealthy person, in the wealthiest country, at the wealthiest moment so far in human history! ||||||reiche||||||||reichsten||||||

But nonetheless, somehow, it still hurts when I stub my toe, and I'm still annoyed when the freaking checkout thing asks me for the tenth time if I have scanned my club card! ||||||||me cogne|||||||||||||||||||||||| ||||||||anstoße||||||||||||||||zehnten|||||gescannt||| ||||||||me golpeo|||||||||||||||||||||||| [Machine]: Have you scanned your club card? No. I haven't scanned my club card. You know how I know? Weißt du, wie ich das weiß? Because you're still asking me, you passive aggressive robot sack of ketchup pee. |||||||||sac||| |||||||||Sack||| Weil du mich immer noch fragst, du passiv-aggressive Robotersack voller Ketchup-Pisse. GAH! GAH GAH!

Don't do the thing I just did, because now my heart rate's all up, and I just want to enrage about everything. |||||||||||fréquence cardiaque||||||||m'énerver|| |||||||||||||||||||sich aufregen|| Mach nicht das, was ich gerade gemacht habe, denn jetzt ist mein Herzschlag total hoch, und ich möchte mich einfach über alles aufregen. [Panting] I'll see you on Tuesday, John! panting|||||| pantend|||||| [Keuchend] Ich sehe dich am Dienstag, John!