Avengers vs Star Wars (3)
TAYLOR/TODD: Woooo! / Go Glinda, go!
TAYLOR: She took Mr. Pigeon's hasty generalization, and threw it back in his face!
TODD: Just goes to show -- logical fallacies never win.
TAYLOR: True that! But this debate is far from over. Are wild animals happier than animals living in captivity?
TODD: To be fair, I'd rather be a wild animal.
TAYLOR:You kind of smell like a wild animal, Todd.
TODD: Really? That's the last time I buy deodorant at the zoo.
TAYLOR: We're all learning. We're all learning.
(music)
Molly: You're listening to Smash Boom Best, the show about showdowns. We get incredible debate ideas from our listeners all the time like this one from Siaorse in San Antonio, Texas.
Siaorse: My debate idea is beatboxing versus whistling.
Molly: We'll check in with Siaorse at the end of the show to see who she thinks should win. Now, it's time to get back to Avengers versus Star Wars. Merk and Nyge, are you ready to fight for your fantastic franchises?
Merk: 100%, bring it on, baby.
Nyge: Yes.
Molly: Excellent because it's time for the Micro-Round. Your Micro-Round challenge is Dear Debater. We asked Merk and Nyge to pretend to give guidance as Captain America and Yoda. They're both advise columnists who are responding to the following letter.
Dear Debater, last year, when I got to pick an instrument at school, I decided to play the trumpet but turns out, it's super hard. When I had my first recital last week, I messed up a lot. Maybe I'll never be good. Should I give it up? Please help, sincerely, Bad at Brass Blues.
All right, Merk went first in round one, so Nyge, you're up. Remember, your representing wise and tender-hearted Yoda in this challenge. May the force be with you.
Nyge (as Yoda): Worry you should not young one the trumpet force is within you. Hard Trumpets are to play. A Lot of spit they do collect. Fart noises you need to make with your mouth. Episode of Spongebob when they are making fart noises after every word like (thbb) and this (pbtt). You need to watch and study. Master it, you will young one. Believe in you I do. Hard it was to conquer some of my biggest fears. Struggle I did for sure. Ballet I always wanted to dance. Too short they would always tell me. I was - but fly high Yoda always could. Put my mind to it I did and in know time world renowned dancer Yoda became. Little green light foot they called me. Anything you can truly become. Just believe in yourself you have to do.
Molly: Excellent advice and an excellent Yoda impersonation.
(laughter)
Nyge: Thank you.
Molly: Merk, it's your turn to channel the bravery and brilliance of the first Avenger: Captain America! Let's hear the wisdom Bad at Brass Blues is after!
Merk (as Captain America): Oh boy, that does sound tough... But I know a fighter when I see one and you have it in you to keep on going.
You know, during World War II I wanted to enlist in the Army really bad but was told I didn't stand a chance. I held out hope though. Did what I could to work toward getting stronger. You should do the same by practicing. Don't give up! Whether it's your scales, your breathing, posture, everything. I definitely wouldn't be known as Captain America without messing up along the way.
If people make fun of you, they're bullies. I don't like bullies; I don't care where they came from. Don't let their negativity drown out the hope that's inside you. And be patient with yourself. I learned patience the cold, hard way by getting frozen in ice for 70 years. I'm not saying freeze yourself for that long but -- patience and practice will go a long way.
I believe if you remember those two things you'll be so good that people will be saying to you, “Wow. That's America's brass.”
Molly: Wow, that was very rousing advice. I feel like I'm ready to go take up the trumpet. Seth, have you decided on a Micro-Round winner?
Seth: I have decided.
Molly: You did?
Seth: Yes.
Merk: That was quick.
Molly: Was it a tough decision?
Seth: No. (laughter)
Molly: Well, now, onto the sneakiest most startling round the, Sneak Attack. Your Sneak Attack challenge is Twinkle, Twinkle, I'm a Star. Merk, Nyge, for this round, you've got to channel two of the best strategic thinkers of your respective universes. You have to write a song, you, Merk, about Black Widow and you, Nyge, about Princess Leia to the tune of Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. Does that make sense?
Merk: That sounds awesome. Oh my gosh.
Nyge: This isn't fair because Merk is a rapper.
Merk: I freestyle rap, I sing to Nyge. Everyone's in for a special treat here.
Molly: Well, before you start writing, maybe just for people who may not know the characters. Merk, can you give us a very short summary of Black Widow's strength and style?
Merk: Yes. Black Widow is a spy from Russia who came to America and served SHIELD. She is suave, she's acrobatic, she is also a master manipulator kind of like Thanos. She's got cool outfits and awesome hair that changes colors when, depending on the movie.
Molly: Awesome. Now, Nyge, tell us who is Princess Leia?
Nyge: Princess Leia is one of the coolest princesses ever. She's a princess because her orphan mom was a queen and then she not only fought in wars but she fought in wars while pregnant. That's one of the coolest things you could ever do. I'm not worried about this at all. She's one of the coolest to ever exist.
Merk: I won't be so sure if I were you.
Molly: All right. Well, we're going to give you a few minutes to write your songs. I will play this soothing hold music.
(music)
Hold music: (singing) Captain America has a shield
Thor has a hammer he likes to wield
Wakanda forever
Marvel has appeal
In a galaxy far, far away
Lightsaber buzz get out of the way
Yoda wants to know
"Have you the first?"
Molly: Merk and Nyge, are you ready to sing your attributes to Black Widow and Princess Leia?
Nyge: Yes.
Merk: Yes, it might become a new preschool jam. Who knows.
Molly: Nyge went first last time so Merk, you are up. Let's hear your song for super-spy, Natasha Romanoff, AKA Black Widow.
Merk: (singing) She was once a Russian spy
Now, she's an Avenger, a good guy (lady)
She outran Hulk with a twisted ankle
Her smarts and fighting moves make the bad guys stankle
Sacrificed her life because of the cliff she jumped off
to save the world, that's Natasha Romanoff
Molly: Oh, very nice. Very lovely. All right.
Nyge: Stankle's not a word, might to think that.
Merk: Hey, creativity, two points.
Molly: All right. Nyge, your turn. Let's hear your song about Princess and General Leia Organa.
Nyge: (singing) Princess Leia is so cool
She makes Black Widow hide under a stool
She has the best hairstyle I've ever seen
I wonder what products she uses to make her shine like shing
She never stopped believing in her son
She knows that this battle I already won
Carrie Fisher, you shine like the sun
I'm not a singer but I did it for you, and now I think my job is done
(laughter)
Merk: You just totally added a stanza to the song. I think that's like the Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star remix.
Nyge: That's points for creativity.
Merk: Hey, what?
Molly: Oh Seth, another hard decision. Time to award a point for this Sneak Attack challenge. Which team's lyrics and style won you over? Which performance was particularly awe-inspiring? Listeners, you too, award your point for the best Sneak Attack song. Seth, have you marked down your point?
Seth: Yes, I have.
Molly: Fantastic. Now, everything has been leading up to this last challenge. It's about brevity, cleverness, word choice. It's the Final Six. Debaters, it's time to win Seth over with just six words about your side. Nyge, you're up first this time. Let's hear six stellar words for Star Wars.
Nyge: I'm just going to keep it short and simple. Star Wars is the best. Obvi. (fart sound)
(laughter)
Molly: Okay. Merk, wow us with six super-powered words for Avengers.
Merk: Marvelously told, cinematic, Magnum Opus, yeah.
Seth: How do you spell that again?
Merk: Magnum Opus.
Seth: There's just a lot of Ms.
Merk: Yeah, because it's Mm-mm good.
Molly: All right. Both teams have really brought it today. Now, there's just one thing left for us to do. Seth, have you awarded your final point?
Seth: Yes, I have awarded my final point.
Molly: Okay. Now, tally up all the points you've awarded, all five of them, and tell us when you're ready to reveal your decision.
Seth: I have my points.
Molly: Seth, tell us who is the winner of today's debate battle.
Seth: Marvel.
Merk: Yes. That's right. Let's go. Let's go, Black Widow, Spidey, Hulk.
Nyge: Beautiful storytelling, Merk. I really actually liked that a lot. Also, I really liked your Cap too. Like you're a motivational speaker anyway in our talks all the time because we are actually very close friends.
Merk: We are.
Nyge: I've gotten all those Captain America talks many times before. I appreciate them as well.
Merk: But your Yoda, that is honorable. Snaps to you there, very impressive.
Nyge: Thank you.
Molly: Yes, really excellent work both, Merk and Nyge. Are you still going to be able to co-host your podcast after this conflict-free?
Merk: Only if Nyge does his Yoda voice.
(laughter)
Molly: Well, Seth crowned Avengers the Smash Boom Best today, but who do you think won?
Seth: Whether you agree with me or not, we want your vote. Head on down to our website, smashboom.org, and cast your ballot.
Molly: That's it for today's raucous debate battle. Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On and American Public Media.
Merk: It's produced by Molly Bloom, Rosie Dupont, Marc Sanchez, and Sanden Totten.
Nyge: We had engineering help from Veronica Rodriguez.
Merk: We had production help from Elyssa Dudley, Kristina Lopez, and Menaka Wilhelm.
Molly: Anna Weggel is the voice of our hold music, and our announcer is Marley Feuerwerker-Otto. We want to give a special thanks to Austin Cross, Taylor Coffman, Melanie Renae, Peter Ecklund, and Lulu. Merk, is there anyone you want to give a shout out to today?
Merk: Of course, a big shout out to my homie, Yoda Nyge. A big shout out to my boyfriend, Samuel, who really helps me in my arguments in the last six but also was the person who's like, "Hey, we're watching these movies." I'm like, "Okay."
(laughter)
Molly: How about you, Nyge? Anyone you want to give a shout out to today?
Nyge: Well, a big shout out to Merk back. That's my dawg for real. Also, a big shout out to my fiancé, Brandy, as well, but she did not help me with that. She did help me to come up with the SpongeBob part of the Yoda thing because she's a huge SpongeBob fan. Shout outs to Brandyzzle.
Merk: Yes, Brandy.
Molly: How about you, Seth? Do you want to give any special thanks today?
Seth: Special thanks to Smash Boom Best for giving me this opportunity, as well as my debate team, Los Angeles Metropolitan Debate. They gave me this opportunity to debate and subsequently volunteer for this awesome podcast. Yes, a big shout out to them and everyone here.
Molly: Before we sign off, let's hear some more from Siaorse. Remember she suggested a beatboxing versus whistling matchup. Here's who she thinks would win.