FedEx Stole My Pot FedEx||| FedEx hat meinen Topf gestohlen FedEx me robó la marihuana FedEx a volé mon pot FedEx ha rubato la mia pentola フェデックスがポットを盗んだ FedEx가 내 냄비를 훔쳤습니다 FedEx ukradł mój garnek A FedEx roubou a minha panela FedEx украла мой горшок FedEx Tenceremi Çaldı FedEx вкрав мій горщик 联邦快递偷了我的锅 聯邦快遞偷了我的鍋

- On December 10, 2013, FedEx mistakenly ||FedEx|por engano

took my cooking pot in the dead of night, pegou||panela de cozinhar||||noite profunda||

and for three years, I tried to get that pot back. |||||||recuperar||panela|de volta

This is that story. |||historia

I guess our tale begins in Philadelphia ||||||Philadelphia |acho que||história|||Filadélfia

where I was living with my girlfriend at the time,

and Philadelphia had just been hit

with a really hardy snowstorm. |||hardy|snowstorm |||forte|uma tempestade de neve

I'm talkin', eight plus inches |talking|||inches |falando de|||

of that real cold powdery stuff. ||||powdery| |||||cosa |||frio|pó fino|coisa

I'm in my apartment, just watching TV,

and I just happen to glance out the window |||||echar un vistazo||| |||acabo de||dar uma olhada|||

and catch sight of this FedEx truck ||sight||||truck ||||||camión |verifiquei|ver||||

just sliding helplessly down the street. ||helplessly||| |deslizando|sem poder fazer nada|||

Not like careening out of control, leaving this trail ||careening|||||| ||deslizando||||||rastro

of destruction in it's wake. |destruction||| |destruição|||

If anything, it was actually pretty graceful. ||||||graceful ||||||elegante

After a few soft bumps into some parked cars ||||bumps|||| ||||toques suaves||||

on it's way down, it just came

to a complete stop at the bottom of the hill.

Now, if I had just turned back towards the TV,

pretended like I didn't just see that happen, pretended||||||| fingiu|||||||

I wouldn't even be sitting here telling this story.

But that is not how I get down.

You know your boy grabbed his boots, threw his coat on, |||||||||coat| ||||pegou||botas||||

grabbed the one shovel that I owned, |||pá|||

and headed outside to play rescuer. |||||rescue |saiu||||salvador

So I'm outside, and I find the driver already trying |||and||||driver|| ||fora|||||o motorista|já|

to push the truck out of the snow. |empurrar o||||||a neve

Obviously, he's really, really relived to see me, ||||relieved||| obviamente||muito||aliviado|||

and we devise a really quick game plan. ||devise||||| ||elaboramos|||rápido|jogo|

So, we decide that I should hand him the shovel ||decidimos|||devo verter|dar a||a pá|pá

while I run back and forth to my apartment to get pots |||||forth|||||| enquanto (1)||vou e volto|de volta||de um lado para o outro|||apartamento|||panelas

(alarm beeping) |beeping |fazendo bip

of hot water that I can pour in front of the tires |||||||||||tires |||||||||||os pneus ||||||verter|||||neumáticos

to melt the slush and melt the ice. |||slush|||| |derretir||nieve derretida|||| |derreter||a neve derretida||derreterá||

We go about this process for maybe five, ten minutes or so,

and it starts to look like we're gonna have |||||||going to|

a really good shot of getting out of here. |||oportunidad|||||

So, we trade tools really quick, ||intercambiamos|||

and I've got the shovel now,

and I'm just digging like a madman in front |||digging|||madman|| |||cavando|||locura|| |||cavando|||como um louco||

of the tires to clear as much snow away as I can. ||||||||away|||

And slowly but surely, this truck just makes it's way out

of the snowbank and back out onto the road. ||snowbank|||||| ||banco de nieve|||||| ||morro de neve||||||

As the truck is free now, driving off into the night,

I actually hear the driver yell thank you out the window. |||||gritar|||||

I'm gonna be honest, I felt pretty damn good about myself. |||||||maldita||| |||||||muito|||

It feels good to help people.

So, I walk back into the apartment,

kick my boots off, hang my coat up, ||||hang|||

I'm feelin' like a million bucks, and then it hits me. |feeling||||dollars||||| |me sentindo||||dinheiro||||bate|

My pot. |minha panela

I probably left it outside, I'll just go get it.

I go outside, it isn't there, which is impossible.

Some random person walking by in the middle |uma pessoa qualquer||||||no meio

of the night during a blizzard isn't going |||||tempestade de neve||

to see a pot on the ground and just take it. ||||||no chão||apenas|pega|

Oh, no. The driver.

The driver must have mistakenly taken the pot. ||||mistakenly||| ||||por engano|||

Traded tools really quick. trocadas ferramentas|ferramentas comerciais||

Shit. merda

So, like any mildly annoyed millennial, I went to Titter. ||any|slightly||millennial||||Twitter |||um pouco||||||Titter

In the midst of helping a FedEx delivery man ||middle|||||delivery| ||no meio||ajudando|||entrega|

get his truck out of the snow, I think he accidentally tira||||||||||acidentalmente

took the cooking pot I gave him. ||cooking|||| |||||dei|a ele

We were using it for hot water to melt the ice. ||||||||derreter||

It'd be great if you could ship it back to me somehow.

Obviously, I'm not expecting the second I Tweet this FedEx |||||||tweet||

to come knocking at my door saying, ||batendo||||

hey, how can we fix this situation, but there was nothing.

Zero acknowledgment. |acknowledgment |reconhecimento

This is not a joke. ||||uma piada

I'd like to have pasta but I can't because you have my pot. ||||pasta|||||||| ||||massa italiana|||||tu|verbo auxiliar||

Me again, I hoped for a little more concern |eu novamente||esperei|||um pouco|um pouco mais|preocupação

since I helped you out, and now you won't return the favor. |||||||||||favor de volta

#shipchrishispot shipchrishispot navio Chris

I remember trying to explain to my girlfriend,

just look baby, this is gonna be fine.

FedEx is gonna see this story and we're gonna have pots ||||||||||problems

far as the eye can see.

Wrong. So, so incorrect. |||incorrect |||incorreto

That's when it really started to sink in,

I was never gonna see this pot ever again.

Before we go any further, I feel like we should

take a moment to address some questions

that I'm sure you have, like, who are you,

what is your problem, why are you doing this?

Listen, I get it.

I know all of this sounds insane.

I just needed resolution, and I didn't know |||resolução||||

what that resolution looked like,

but I needed some sort of closure. ||||||closure ||||||fechamento emocional

Cut to two years later, yes, two years later. Corte até||||||||

I now live in New York, and I tried rekindling an old flame. |||||||||rekindling|||flame ||||||||tentei|reatar uma paixão|||um antigo amor

Hey FedEx, remember when you stole my pasta pot |||||stole|||

after I helped one of your trucks out of the snow? ||||||trucks||||

Hope all is well. espero que|||

Now internally, I'm just like, haha, this is funny |internamente||apenas|assim||||

to just bring up after two years.

All my friends are very aware of this ongoing saga |||||||||saga

between me and FedEx, and then look the fuck out.

Hi, this is Dolores. |||Dolores

I would like to investigate.

What?

Time is literally standing still, ||literally|standing|still

what the fuck is happening?

Two years after this story began,

and now we're getting somewhere.

I say, Dolores, you better believe

I'm gonna email you such a story. ||email||||

It's a story of kindness, betrayal, and ideally, redemption. |||||betrayal||ideally|redemption

We send some emails back and forth, |||emails|||

and I try to remember as many details as I can.

She's very, very nice and apologizes

for the entire incident, and then in order

to help me a little better, she asks if I remember

if the truck was FedEx Ground,

FedEx Express, or FedEx Home Delivery.

No!

Obviously I don't remember what type of truck it was.

I tell her I remember it was a white truck,

which understandably gives her |understandably||

absolutely nothing to go off of. ||||of|

So Dolores tells me she's gonna reach out

to the individual branches of FedEx.

"To see if anyone remembers this incident ||||remembers||

from two years ago."

(laughing)

I see that little dig, Dolores.

You think I'm crazy.

I'm not crazy, I just want my pot back.

So maybe the next day or so, I get a voicemail ||||||||||voicemail

from Michael, who works at FedEx in Philadelphia. |Michael||||||

He explains to me that he's been briefed on the situation, |||||||informed|||situation

and he's gonna try and figure out which branch |||||determine|||

of FedEx it may have been, and he's gonna keep me updated |||||||||||informed

on anything he finds.

That moment was the last time I'd hear anything

about my pot.

December of 2015 turns into the spring of 2016, December||||||

and I pretty much just descend into madness. |||||descend||madness

Basically, any time I saw an opportunity

to mess with FedEx on Twitter, I just took it. |||||Twitter||||

If they Tweeted, happy New Year, ||tweeted|||

I would Tweet a picture of a pot at them

wearing, like, a party hat and has confetti. |||||||confetti

If they Tweeted something like, hope everyone's having

a great vacation, I would Tweet a picture ||vacation|||||

of a pot on the beach with sunscreen at them. |||||||sunscreen||

At the time, it was funny, but I'm not proud of that stuff.

I was just incredibly frustrated.

So, on June 25, 2016, I decided ||June||

to publish a Buzzfeed article that chronicled |publish||Buzzfeed|||chronicled

this entire journey I've had with FedEx,

and basically left it open ended.

Almost immediately, I had people reaching out to me.

My dad works for FedEx, he wants to help you,

or I work for FedEx, and I wanna make sure

you get a new pot, all sorts of crazy stuff.

Three days later, after publishing that article, ||||publishing||

my life changed forever.

I'm sitting at my desk, and this massive FedEx package

is dropped off.

A whole crowd gathers around, |||gathers|

it's full of a stainless steel cookware set, ||||stainless||cookware|

there was spoons, there was pasta, ||spoon|||

but then at the bottom, there was this

giant, gleaming, brand-spanking-new pot. |||spanking||

Obviously, that's all insane, and I couldn't have been

more pleasantly surprised, but the real icing ||||||icing

on the cake, was a letter from my pot. ||cake||||||

Dear Chris, how long have I been gone? |Chris||||||

Three years, you say, has it really been that long?

You were so gracious, so kind |||gracious||

the night the FedEx driver needed help.

You said, "I don't mind!" with a very mighty yelp. ||||||||mighty|yell

You pulled me out of the kitchen,

and just like that the FedEx driver was gone.

He accidentally took me.

Your favorite pot, of which you were so fond of.

How could this really be?

You tried in vain. |||vain

My FedEx friends sent me on a journey that was no easy feat.

I saw the pyramids of Egypt in the Middle East, |||pyramids||Egypt||||

and made a quick stop at the Colosseum in Rome |||||||Colosseum||Rome

for a great big pasta feast. |||||feast

I traveled past the Golden Gate bridge,

but in reality I just wanted

to be back home, in the cabinet by fridge. ||||||||the fridge

I spoke to your FedEx friend Dolores,

so that you would no longer have to toil. ||||||||work

I hope you enjoy my newfound friends, |||||newfound|

these pots, FedEx gear, and plenty of pasta to boil. ||FedEx|||||||

Sincerely, your favorite pot. sincerely|||

I mean.

(laughing)

I legitimately almost teared up. |legitimately||teared|

I know that's dumb to be emotional

about something so silly, but I had been

completely one-upped in the most perfect way. ||one-upped|in|||perfect|

My pot got to see the world, and it was selfish ||||||||||selfish

of me to think I could keep it.

If you love something, set it free.

And as for FedEx and I?

Things are better than ever.

(upbeat music) upbeat|